More: the reason you are “lazy” I believe is that you are discouraged- all your efforts to EARN love by DOING this or that have failed, so what is the use of trying, of doing more? So part of you knows already that there is no use doing more.

You can’t cheat yourself this way: you need the feeling that you are okay, good enough, approvable. Part of you knows you have failed to get that by action, so it doesn’t want to do anymore. You call it LAZY but it really makes sense.