Dear Arran:

But you CAN’T be perfect at any of those things you mentioned. You can’t be a perfect husband and your wife cannot be a perfect wife. You can’t be a perfect father and your children will not be perfect.

Nobody can be a perfect child, husband, father. Nobody and you are no exception. You just have to be “good enough”.

Talk to your wife then, tell her honestly how you feel, be vulnerable with her. She will love you for it if she is decent and healthy enough. She will love you for telling her you are not as strong as you were trying to be. She can help you. You can find love and healing within the context of your relationship with your wife. Let her help you as you help her. None of you perfect, but you can both LOVE each other, in practice, in kindness.

Get comfort from her. I suppose the fact you didn’t get love and comfort from your parents, means you do not reach out for it… you may be resisting it, not feeling good about it.
But if you want healing and you don’t want psychotherapy, you have to try with your wife, to have the HEALING RELATIONSHIP you need.

Back later.
anita