Rory,
I’ve been where you are many years ago. My mom was a horrible person to deal with, also. The only time she was nice to you was to draw you into a fight. At a young age I checked out emotionally never to return (at least for her). If you can’t stick it out, don’t force yourself. You have to do what you have to do. My “checking out” was the only way to cope because I was so young. But, it cost me dearly. Latter in life I had to learn to trust enough to turn the emotions back on and learn to feel again. And at that you have to catch up with things that happened while you turned your feelings off. Like the death of people that meant something to you. With the help of my wife, I finished putting in the missing colors of my life portrait. It takes a long time to fix.

If your conditions are too bad and you have the ability to make it on your own, I recommend it. I did and wouldn’t do it differently. Did I ever see my mom again…yes. Did things change…no. She remained the person she was until the end. But, to never be able to trust just means you never live. I’m still learning, and quite honestly, I think will keep learning until it’s lights out.

Just remember, there’s always something better. You just need the courage to go for it. One of my favorite quotes is from an unknown (to me) origin. “The biggest regrets in life you’ll ever have are the chances you don’t take.” I’m not saying that my way is the best way. It’s one that worked for me. Just my two cents.

And one last thing to remember, don’t get too good at closing the door never to look back. It just means you never give yourself a chance to change your mind. Never is just the echo of forever.

Don’t be lonely as a train…be part of something good and leave something good behind.

Phil