Hi Ladybug

Does you dad talk much more with your mum and brother? is it only you he doesn’t communicate enough with?

It sounds to me that he is a good man, that the main thing that you would prefer change in, is to communicate more and have more depth in your talks with your father?

To me it also sounds like your dad lives life on auto pilot, he works to provide for his family and he tries, minus the talking enough part. Perhaps he is or is not trying enough, but he has settled into a life of routine. Perhaps you are right and he has low grade depression?, or he is numbing out life and has settled with the distraction of TV and computer?

Some people naturally don’t chit chat much, or are just naturally quieter. Maybe you dad will never be a great talker, maybe you dad never was?

‘I also don’t believe that men can express their emotions openly’ you dad might not express his feeling enough or in a way you can relate best but I think by what you wrote you dad does love love…you say your dad has cried (‘he has cried and apologized’ when you talked to him on how you ‘feel like he doesn’t love me because he doesn’t spend quality time with me and really get to know me’).
Some people show they care by providing for their family, and by being present ….physically. Anyway it’s hard to know how your life is from a letter.

May I make some suggestions?

Get you dad out of the house sometimes. Is he open for spending some quality time with you (with or without your brother and mum?)? I personally have found the very best days spent with people who are closed (or negative etc) are the ones where they are put in a different situation then normal, are put outside there comfort zone. My mum is overall very negative, so I try to limit the time spent with her and I also try to arrange family days where my children and partner take her somewhere eg a boat rafting day with us or a forest walk…the newness distracts and gets them involved in the present …enjoying the present. Gives you something to experience and chat about.

Are you both open to the idea of arranging fun time together either just you two or with your whole family? even if it’s just one day a month?

What do you know about you dad? Has he told you all about his childhood, his experiences ?, what he would like for the future? Curiosity on his life? and sharing things you enjoyed from your childhood, fun times with him?? (I hope you have some good childhood memories with your family and dad?). Share the present, maybe not everyday but have some time put aside, something arranged? when there are no distractions?

Best wishes