I think your recognizing and acknowledging that this is how you operate is a great first step J! Because without that recognition and acknowledgment you’d never be able to change – now at least you know what needs to change, if not how. You said you don’t like asking or taking advice, so I won’t give you any 🙂 but just wanted to let you know that there’s nothing wrong with the way you’re operating – yes, it’s a hard way, but it’s a way and it works for you – for now.