Max,

If she truly wants to end things with her ex and wants to open herself up to new relationships, SHE is going to have to be the one to cut the soul tie that she has with him. Otherwise, he’s just going to keep popping back up into her life whenever he feels like it, and she will end up falling apart all over again. I’m not familiar with how their relationship was prior to the relationship they are in now, but I’m guessing it must have been pretty serious if it led to them getting engaged at one point – which is the reason why she has a soul tie with him.

I recently cut the soul tie I had with ex-husband, because I now realize that remaining friends with him while trying to move forward with a new relationship wasn’t getting me anywhere. Although our marriage didn’t work out, I still think he is a good person. He is a good father to our daughter, and I do care about him and want him to be happy. I used to pride myself in being able to tell others that I was friends with my ex – but in reality, this just isn’t possible, regardless if you share a child with this person or not (at least that’s how I think about it now). Being on friendly terms and loving and caring for an ex from a distance is one thing, but being friends with an ex is entirely different.

Like your ex, I didn’t want to hurt anybody…I wanted to please everybody. I felt that in order for me to meet this need, everyone would get a “piece” of me, that way everyone would be satisfied and no one would get hurt. But it didn’t work. And I kick myself everyday for even thinking that it would. My boyfriend never got the “whole” me, if that makes any sense. It was hard. I knew I was hurting my boyfriend by distancing myself and not giving my complete self to him, but on the other hand, I didn’t want to hurt my ex-husband’s feelings either. The truth is though, I should have put my boyfriend’s feelings FIRST. I should have cared about not hurting his feelings FIRST…

Each time I didn’t answer a call or respond to a text from him…I wasn’t putting him first.
When he tried to get closer to me, and I pushed him away…I wasn’t putting him first.
When he tried to get me to communicate with him, to get me to talk to him about what I was thinking and feeling…what I was going through…only to shut down and distance myself…I wasn’t putting him first.

I hurt him terribly. I hurt him by only giving him a piece of me…a few good weeks here and there…..and then it was nothing…nothing but emptiness. Nothing but me being cold and distant.

There’s only so much a person can take…and I understand why he left. It was best for him to walk away now, rather than wait for me to sort my life out. In a way, him leaving is a blessing, because it woke me up. It made me realize that I have to get well…that I have to take care of myself. I know it’ll be a lot of work, but its also a grand opportunity for me to find myself again and grow from this experience. But still…there isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t regret the way that I mistreated him. I wish I could take it all back, but I can’t. I can only hope that one day he is able to make peace with this in his heart.

So here I am…broken…beaten…but still alive. Some days I can make it without breaking down…others, I’ll find myself being reminded of something about my ex-boyfriend and I fall to pieces. It is a roller coaster, but I’m taking it all in and letting myself go through the feelings. I have to. I know I’ll recover from this, because I’ve done it before…and I know you can too Max.

Sleep well, and until next time…

– Jenny