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Dear Faith:
You wrote that your flesh is weak, well as long as you are in this flesh you will need human love, the love you hoped to keep having with this man. You ended the relationship with this guy because he is not of your religion, and if I understand it correctly, your family did not approve of the relationship. You didn’t mention the relationship was otherwise wrong.
You wrote: “I’ve always had bad experience with men my whole life”- why that has been so needs to be addressed, i believe, because- as long as you are in this flesh- you will need the love of … another flesh, another person. If you would like to examine why your experience has been bad so far, for the purpose of having better experience in the future, please do share about your past with men, about your childhood relationships with your parent or parents, anything you feel comfortable sharing and which you think may be helpful for the future.
anita