Dear Scott:

I am not judging you but of course, the most important judge has already judged you: your own self. She blamed you two years after and you took her blame, believed her.

Just because someone blames you, points the finger at you, does not mean you are guilty. People often point fingers in efforts to feel better. Just like she had physical intimacy with you two years ago (right?) so to feel happy, using you so that she can feel happy, she did the same thing two years later, blaming you so that she can feel better.

When she blames you she gets to not blame herself. You know how it feels to believe you are guilty, see how you suffer in the last few days, SHE doesn’t want to feel this kind of pain, that she did something wrong, so she puts the guilt on you and she gets to feel free of it… for a while.

A real friend does not inflict pain on a friend, repeatedly with no apology and correction. To be friends, she has to tell you something like: “I am sorry. I chose to be physically intimate with you two years ago. I am 100% responsible for my actions. I am sorry I blamed you…as if I had nothing to do with what happened. Please forgive me for the pain I inflicted on you with this false accusation.”

No way that what happened two years ago caused her current separation from her boyfriend. There are other reasons for that, and if she didn’t tell you those reasons, it is because she feels guilty and doesn’t want to face it, what she did wrong.

What do you think?

anita