Hi H1978,

There are several things going on here at once so I will try to break them down (meanwhile knowing that everything compounds each other).

1. The Household Maintenance: I know it’s not fair, but give the ALLUSION (illusion?) that things are running smoothly at home. It will put somewhat of a balm on his bad mood (again: I know it’s not fair, but let’s do something that works.) Go to Flylady.net, it is a wonderful household running resource!

AM: Get fully dressed before he does, shine sink in bathroom, make bed, put in load of laundry (the sound of the machine will calm him down), give him a cup of coffee, put the pots and pans and clean dishes away from dishwasher

Before he comes home: Do load of laundry (dry, fold and put away), declutter for 15 min. a day (work on one “Zone” a week). Have a Good Smell coming from kitchen when he gets home (Trust me).

Bedtime: Do dishes and lay out clothes/things to prepare for the next day

Weekly: Change sheets, vacuum, etc. If you can swing it hire a cleaner occasionally.

2. Tutor kids for after school. It won’t bring in a lot, but will cover grocery/clothes $$. And it’s hard for him to be mad when there is company (leaving) when he comes home and you’re clearly doing something. A Coach for getting into college is hot right now (Essay editing, SAT tutor, etc.)

3. His outbursts are becoming a bad habit. Let him know that this is happening without blaming him. Tell this to the therapist.

I have done #1 and it DID make a difference! Now my DH knows when he is drifting into being an azz (#3) as he has nothing/”nothing” to complain about.

Good Luck,

Inky