Dear Laure and Anita,

Thank you for your replies.

After much inward reflection, I guess I was indeed judging my own feelings which caused a conflict within myself. I also internalized an imagined disapproval from our mutual friend. I imagined how she would disapprove and how I would lose her as a friend because of this incident. I’m also scared of getting myself hurt.

Anita,

Your last paragraph about my big need to connect is a great revelation to me. I can now accept that whatever I am feeling right now is normal.

The main cause for my internal struggle is the fear of judgement from my friends. “She’s so cheap, falling for guys so easily.” I imagine them saying. Because of this fear, I’m first judging myself, telling myself that I should not feel this way.

But is this judgment from friends real? I don’t know. It may be an imagined judgement. And if it is real, my solution should be targeted at overcoming my friends’ judgement, not at denying or stopping my feelings.

Has anyone here experienced things like these?