hello everyone,
my name is sivi and I am also new to this site , it was the first thing to come up on google when I searched “I do not know where I belong”
got carried away reading things on here and liked what I saw.
iv never in my life had someone I could truly open up to but I feel it’s something that needs to be done and it’s anxiety based so I felt this was the appropriate category.
Lately in the past six months to year iv been experiencing severe anxiety and depression. for the life of me I can not figure out why, I’m a single 21 y/o male and I feel I am a high energy, positive person. but sometimes at random and most nights I lay in bed with my insides warm, feeling every heart beat with what feels like 1000 pounds on my chest. I have terrible thoughts about some of the people closest to me betraying me in the worst ways. I know I hold a lot in but I’m stuck in between am I helping others or letting them walk all over me. I do a lot for the people around me and feel I don’t get much in return witch doesn’t bother me I enjoy making others happy but feel unappreciated and worthless.
what made me draw the line and reach out for help is the suicidal thoughts. I just want to make it clear now that I know I could never do that to myself but it’s just not like me to have thoughts like this. and I’m stuck in between thinking its that or me just thinking things would ether be better without me around or keeping myself out of situations where I feel venerable to be hurt. the same feeling is what’s held me back from having a girlfriend for the past six plus years.
I don’t know what iv got to do to make this go away but some change has got to happen. I’m just looking for some outside opinions/support to get a grip on this anxiety.
appreciate and open to any ideas or guidance offered to me.