Max, I’m in a similar position to you and have been following your thread for the last few weeks. I’m learning from the responses you get, too, and haven’t felt that I’ve had enough experiences yet to really chime in on anything in a productive way, hence why I’ve just been lurking.

I’ve daydreamed on occasion about what I would do in your exact position that you find yourself in today. You sound incredibly strong willed (which you may not see yet or believe, but you will when the fog clears) and confident, regardless of what choice you make. Your hesitance to jump back into things says enough to that.

I personally think you’re doing the right thing by acknowledging that it will not work right now. I don’t know if that is completely shutting the doors on everything in the distant future, but right now, it definitely has not been enough time for her to truly come to clarity on what she wants.

My recently divorced ex-bf went through similar reactions, though his goal was to remain single and focus on living outside of a relationship rather than going back to an ex, but his heart and mind did still dwell on that past quite heavily. He broke up with me after 8 months together and lasted two weeks before deciding his insecurities/conflicts were something we should work on together. I knew it wasn’t enough time for him to work through whatever it is he needed to work through but I was inexperienced and couldn’t comprehend what he was going through. We both thought that all we needed was will power, of which we had plenty. But after two months the old patterns re-emerged and he felt maybe suffocated and knew he’d regret not taking the time to do what he needed to do. He was on the fence for another 5 months before ending things again.

No matter how much she may want to be where she longs to be, emotionally or mentally, it doesn’t seem that wanting is enough. Enduring has to happen first. And for endurance, you need time and conscious effort to make that happen.

Edit: Ditto everything jd0209 said 🙂

• This reply was modified 8 years, 11 months ago by B.
• This reply was modified 8 years, 11 months ago by B.