Dear Ladybug:

This may be difficult for you to read, but I am writing here because I believe it is important for your well being even if it is distressing at first…

The flashlight in your home has been directed to your dad, how he is deficient. And I have no doubt he is. But for your own well being, I believe, that the light should shine on everything and that you see the bigger picture.

The fact that your mom has been bickering with your dad over not paying attention to you has not been working for your own good for a long time. Why has she kept doing it all these years? You hear the bickering, you know what is going on and it is hurting you. It only makes you suspicious about his motives when he does attend to you.

The only thing her pressuring him to see you was point the finger at him: look at him, HE is not doing HIS job. It is self serving to her as a defensive person, taking herself out of the picture.

If the relationship with your mom was close enough she would have noticed her pressuring him was distressing to you and ineffective. If the relationship with her was good enough you would have already told her and you wouldn’t be worrying about her being defensive. There would be honesty and safety in communicating with her on such issues so very meaningful to you.

I would shine the light on your relationship with her as well. What is lacking is far from being only a daddy issue.

What do you think?

anita