Dear Ladybug:

Your mother is very limited in her ability to have a close relationship with anyone as long as she refuses to look at herself as being the cause of anything negative. She will do anything to push away anything resembling blame. She does it with your father, using him as a scapegoat, the Guilty One (in more areas than his parenting of you), I have no doubt. And when she feels that you are pointing to anything she may have done wrong, she did not hesitate to be as cruel as to say: “it is all in your head”- in other words…is she saying you are imagining things, crazy…I think so.

I am sorry, Ladybug: a distant relationship with your father AND a very limited one with your mother.

Thing is of the two you have a better chance to improve your relationship with your father than with your mother because he has experience taking blame he deserves and lots that he does not deserve. On the other hand your mother has no such experience.

Your father is too adjusted to taking her blame. He is not likely to admit it if you talk to him. She will not admit to handing all negativity, all blame to to him so to keep herself blameless.

If you were not aware of this and this strikes home, it must be tough, isn’t it? It is better though to be aware of reality because then you have a chance to deal with what is real. When not aware, you suffer the consequences of reality without knowing enough of what is really going on.

Please post again…
anita