Carlos,

Let me tell you this: I am currently divorcing my ex for his drug use and for the last 4-5 years I truly believed that i could change him and or he wanted to change, because he led me to believe it. You are wise for disliking alcohol. Nothing good comes from alcohol and or drugs and much of our society depends on one or the other in nearly every social function. It sounds like he is an alcoholic. It is not as easy for him to just stop because he is dependent on it and addiction is hardly a substance problem, but a personal problem that he is refusing to acknowledge.
What you may consider to be selfish is really just self love for yourself because you dont want to be subjugated to his behavior and I dont blame you!! Guys can have way of making us feel like we “should” deal with their crap before our own, but truth is, you are under o obligation or false guilt to spend any time with him that you do not sincerely desire to.
He will not change for you, trust me, so don’t worry about wanting him to. If he wants to change it will be because he wants to. Dont waste anymore time on this one. You need a non drinker and there is nothing at all wrong with that, in fact, it is very admirable and you will only mesh best with another. Sounds like he wants to party and that its coming first in his life. Find someone better, you deserve it!
Best of luck to you!!