Dear Amy:

Well, it is good googling and finding the message of forgiving brought you here. The message behind your anger at the child’s father may simply be that your child is in danger with this man and you, protective of your child are angry and ready to fight so to keep your child from being hurt by this man.

You asked for input to keep coming, so here it is coming: please do your best to protect your son from his father. Do not try to change the father, to force or even encourage a relationship between him and his child. It is better for your child to have no father at all than to have a bad father.

Once you do all you can, accept what you cannot change. Also, you can’t be his mother and father, but if your child has a good mother, one good parent… than he or she has more than I ever had (not a single good parent).

What your child needs is a good, calm mother. Whatever you do that distresses you, hurts your ability to be a good mother. If you, for example, try so hard to encourage this man to be in your child’s life, what can result is the kid has a BAD father in his life AND a DISTRESSED mother, so he loses on both ends.

Take care of yourself, be calm, to to be a good mother. Your child is probably the only person in your life who loves you completely, unconditionally, looks up to you, trusts you, needs you so… be calm for him, prioritize, change what you can, accept the rest… and about forgiveness, forgive yourself for your mistakes so that you can be a calm mother.

anita