Dear Amy:

I am well aware, from reading your posts, that you are in need to forgive yourself for past mistakes, not to focus more on those, so that is not what i suggested that focusing on him may serve… Maybe all your anger about being powerless in your life, past and present, all that anger is directed at him. If you knew as a kid about your father’s affair of 15 years, maybe you were bothered by that and angry at your father…and at your mother for not making him stop his affair. Maybe that anger is still in you, fueling your newer anger at the man.

Good you see a psychotherapist. Hope she is a good one. i like your string ball comparison.

Do you feel there is any truth to long standing hurt and anger about being powerless in the face of injustice, of your father having the affair and nothing done to fix it? Maybe you having felt angry at your mother not asserting herself… and could this be helpful in your therapy?

anita