Hi Anita
Yes, you’ve pretty much summed it all up.

The honesty and clarity comes from the fact that I WANT things to change. To not be these things is fooling myself. It is what it is and I am not delusional (I don’t think) about the reality of the situation.

I can accept that this is my life, and that is what makes me so depressed. That I have to – no, am FORCED to – resign myself to a life with no momentum. I’m grieving for the loss of everything I valued. Somewhere along the line, the very things that defined me as my own person faded away. I’ve changed and absolutely hate who I’ve become. I went from a strong, independent, kind and loving person to a meek, fragile, angry and terrified one.

I’m interested to hear what else you have to say.