Hi Jeff,

Man this is some heavy! I will be the first to admit, i have never been in a relationship, however i have seen many extended family go through something similar, some ended in better places than others. Although never in a relationship, i guess i see things from the outside perspective, maybe something might be of use, if not, i hope i didn’t waste too much of your time. That’s my little disclaimer 😉

I have tried writing this a couple times now, because i honestly don’t know what your feeling or going through. All my advice or suggestions seem to be empty since i have never been in your shoes….Imma give it a shot.

From what it sounded like, your wife is regretting quite a lot. Things she could of done, the ‘what ifs’. I think this is normal, at some point you have a chance to reflect and wonder what life would be like without the current situation. I find it interesting that other family members have also noticed something is up. This in my opinion is a warning sign that something besides simple regrets and what ifs is going on. The problem with regrets is that our perspective is skewed, after all we only regret when we are not contempt. Although your wife says she doesn’t feel the same way about you anymore, is there any particular reason why? Because you fart in your sleep? Eat nosily? there won’t be a cookie cutter answer, but there has to be a reason, irrespective of whether it’s logical or illogical.

Your wife seems like someone i used to know, she would bottle up everything, even when you thought everything was fine, she would just bottle it up and explode. It really wasn’t a healthy way to go about life. Your wife could be suppressing her emotions and feelings because she may feel she may offend you if she comes right out and speaks her mind. If she is in an emotional affair with her boss, she may feel she can’t be ‘judged’ as much with someone that only knows a couple of versus and lines from her life. You can bind chapters and make a mini series! Heck, her mother could write everything! So i reckon that’s why she is speaking to this other fella. being afraid of judgement is usually worst than actually receiving it, like the age old truth, the fear of falling is greater than the fall itself. Have you considered maybe seeing a marriage counselor? or even someone who is impartial? This i think would be a good start.

We should also not discount the possibility that maybe she is going through physical and mental changes. I don’t know how old your wife is, maybe it could be menopause, maybe depression or even bipolar. I just thought i would put this here, i’m not an expert, but i know my aunt started menopause when she was in her early 30s. It could be possible. There is heaps of info on the net for this kind of stuff. I hope this helps you somehow.