Update: For several weeks after writing here I forced myself to not think about my problem as it was affecting me to much.
Thank you Anita – I did not see your very last reply

I have just started to go to a councilor, with the next appointment due in 2 weeks. I was uncomfortable talking face to face to someone, but it is much better to seek assistance, and not leave things fester, without outside help.

It’s very good to have sites like Tiny Buddha here, there’s also a lot of help waiting for you if you just push and reach out.