Dear zenstrawberry:

You wrote in your above post to me: “I can be very conflict avoidant, and my ex would take this very personally and these issues would often build up and blow up at inconvenient times (holidays, with friends).”

In the context of your posts so far, I am thinking that it is possible, only possible that you avoid conflicts not only in relationships with others but inside of you. Only a possibility. Maybe most, maybe all people do so, some more than others. Some people will go to very great length to avoid internal conflict, that is, looking into themselves, into internal motivations, feelings…

There may be things inside you that you need, over time, gradually, to look into… things that came up in a serious relationship with a person who maybe… demanded you look into them..

Again, this is only a possibility. What do you think/ feel about it?

anita