Dear John_1:

“what if…” then means: what if you did hurt her, meaning you don’t know if you did hurt her, or not, or how much if any? You don’t know? You need more feedback from her so to know?

Well, then: IF you indeed hurt her and if you do have further communication with her, I would ask the questions and listen attentively to the answers. I would evaluate the answers before accepting them as the truth. The evaluation is going to take time, more questions, more talking…

As to your next relationship, be it with her or with another woman, communicate more effectively from the very start and throughout the relationship. Let the woman know what you feel and believe and listen to what she feels and believes, about you and about the relationship. Pay attention to what you do, your participation in the relationship and pay attention to her participation in the relationship.

This way you will avoid What-Ifs.

anita