Brav3,
I can relate to your situation. It is hard to keep a relationship alive and healthy in a long term way. Often I feel it is like trying to catch a star. I am compelled to keep at it but it doesn’t happen. And when I look at the lives of my close friends, I often believe they are unhappy in their long term relationships. Or they are not in long term relationships. It does seem like many people run away at the first problems instead of sticking around and working through them. And in an intimate relationship after some time all your personal demons rise to the surface. You can’t hide parts of yourself. You have to deal with all your own inner baggage and the baggage of your partner as well. And it becomes hard to tell which problem starts with whom, and it is easier to blame the other person than to look inwards.

31 is young and you should not give up. I haven’t given up.

Lately I have been reflecting on the concept of loving someone and letting them be free, which is hard for me to do. Because loving someone involves opening up and being vulnerable. And I have the tendency to want some control of the other person to ensure I don’t get hurt by them. But control is not an atmosphere where love can grow and where a person can flourish. But it is hard to love someone when they do things you think are wrong and upsetting to you. Because what your partner does effects you since you are close and open to them. Even more so if you live together, are married and have children. So I struggle with this concept and I have begun to think that my ability to have a deep and meaningful love is directly related to my ability to be unattached to my partner. To love and accept him even when times are rough, which takes a lot of inner strength.

And I think one of the roughest times is when you feel the spark has died in your relationship and there is no passion or desire. If this happens is there a way to get it back? Is there a way to keep the flame alive? It is very painful to feel rejected in this way and very tricky to solve this problem.