Dear dazz22:

I see, being too emotional and too soft means taking responsibility in a relationship for what you are not responsible for; quick to take the blame and apologize just so to keep the relationship going; quick to put the lid on any conflict, resolve any conflict by taking the blame and apologizing even though you may not or are not guilty. So this is something you want to change and indeed it is worthy of a change.

Next time you experience a conflict in a relationship, with anyone, and you feel that you are about to apologize, resist the urge. So first you notice that you are about to apologize. Then you stop yourself, pushing on the breaks, and you don’t apologize. Then you evaluate the situation: alone or in conversation or both, first alone, and then you talk about it with the other person. You figure out who is responsible for what.

It is important that each person in a relationship takes responsibility for his or her own feelings and actions. Most often, both parties are responsible for an ongoing conflict and none should rush to own the other person’s part in it, nor should either party rush to blame the other.

It requires practice of a new behavior so to “stop living in the past”- the title of your thread.

anita