I keep asking myself, am I giving up on her when I said I wouldn’t? Is never giving up a good thing or a bad thing in this situation? Does letting go mean giving up? Am I among those people who gave up on her? Am I the same as them? Am I among those people who run and give up when they’ve had enough or when it gets too much to bear? I don’t want to give up on her, I don’t. I still would like to help her, because that’s the kind of person I am. In some way, in any way. I realize that I can’t keep shouldering her problems and she needs to do something about those things, if only I could find a way to get her there. But I can’t ignore this inner voice inside me telling me that “enough is enough” no matter how harsh it sounds to both her and I. I can’t ignore those happy memories that make me smile every time but I can’t ignore the reality of things either. I still love her, and even if I leave I know that I would still love her, if that makes any sense. But does love mean sticking around or going? Those unfulfilled promises and dreams, where do they go? Am I a horrible person for letting those go? Am I a horrible person for making someone hope and turning that hope to dust?

Sigh.

I’m sorry if I’m getting a bit too dramatic. I over think things too much, I know. These questions (and many others) have overwhelmed my mind and my heart for as long as I can remember, and these thoughts just eat me inside and leave me paralyzed.