I have my three kids, but that is what worries me. I feel bad that they have to see their father being so depressed and hurting- they deserve a dad who will be with them and show them a good life. I’m so afraid I can’t give that to them in the state I’m in.

I’ve tried meditation- I never can seem to get the hang of that. I’ve tried the calming music, the finding good in a bad thing, changing up habits, getting out more, getting back into my writing. I know there is a mindset issue, but I simply do not know how to let these thing go and be in the moment. I keep hoping to find that one book or site that gives me the key. Intellect gets in the way of doing, I think.