I’m in the same situation except the kid is an adult. I decided to end an 18 year marriage because as you get older you think harder about which rocks to push up which hills and this one didn’t make it for me. No drama, just dissolving it all because I don’t want to be 60ish and sitting there sniping and complaining. I still love what i do for a living but I hate my job and my colleagues are mostly unbearable. I’m writing this from a seat on a moving box, on my way to my new-to-me much smaller house, and since I’m the one leaving I’m taking very little, and taking a big hit financially to start over, probably not the smartest thing given how much I hate my job and the economy. To add to the fun there was a massive amount damage to the existing house from a storm ten day prior to close and a 500$ repair on my car.

However, a few things. Even if you are the one being left, if you think long and hard I’ll bet you were unhappy as well, if not unhappy enough to make drastic changes, unhappy enough to feel an emptiness. Everyone has a different tipping point and I have no doubt that most people settle for some vague coexistence with no joy and no comfort other than not having to face change. And it is even harder when everybody is a nice person. If somebody is a druggie well that’s easy. What is hard is leaving a relationship where you mostly get along but you aren’t looking forward to anything together. The other thing is that things only go wrong when you try to do something, try to change. Your car won’t break down unless you leave the driveway. The more things you are doing, the more opportunity for things to go wrong and the more beat up you feel. When my car broke down I just laughed hysterically for that reason. I am trying to go somewhere so of course it broke. I visualize myself as a wall where things just bounce off or slide down. This works when everything is breaking and when I have to listent to my condescending colleagues. Transition is like a caterpillar to butterfly – there is that period where there is just an empty sac – chrysalis? I can’t remember what it is called but there is something furry, then nothing, then something fluttery and pretty. Find a picture of yourself as steel not as a punching bag. And just wait, nothing will go into something. That is what I am doing.