Chloe,
Making decision in the midst of confusing emotions is very difficult, and sometimes dangerous. There have been so many new changes in your life, you haven’t really had the time to settle in and create your life. And at your age, this is what you are supposed to do. You are being challenged with making “adult” decisions and receiving adult consequences. Growing up and away from our family guidance (if you were lucky enough) to do that, can be life altering and sometimes difficult experience.
Can you define “what you want”? What is your dream job? What calls to you at the deepest level?
Maybe if you can write a project type letter which would define your goal, give you some action plan to achieve that goal with a timeline, it might help you organize your thoughts.
Once you find your passion – you will open to people. It’s hard to poetic and intimate when you don’t know who you are or what you want.
Sit with pen and paper and begin to ask yourself to – tell you about yourself. You can also write a letter to yourself – stating your goals, emotions and challenges. Then you can go back to it – and work on it from a problem solving level.
I honestly once you feel better defined – you will have more confidence and be more at easy with people.
This is just a temporary bump in the road of live. You’ve got a long way to go. So live and learn well so the future bumps don’t throw you out the window.
Blessings, Pat