Dear Oskari,
What a difficult situation you have experienced. I am sorry that you were so rudely hurt. I do feel that your girlfriend owed you some type of explanation and discussion in honor and respect for the relationship you shared, but I guess she had some fear or apprehension about doing that – can you blame her? She would be putting herself right in the face of your anger. Take a brave person to do that and take responsibility for their actions, to help the other personal heal and move on. Now you learned she is no self less. Sometimes we can see truly who someone really is when they are challenged with doing the right thing. (I’m sure many would disagree with me using right/wrong terms) but we all define ourselves by what we want to be as a human being.
That is something that has lead me to respect who I am. With all of my faults, insecurities and challenges, I try to instill honesty, respect, compassion and integrity into every thing I do. I am extremely proud of trying to live my life that way. In many ways, that philosophy helps me to see that I am more important to me than making others happy. Although I strive for that whenever I can. There is only so much we can do to make people know how we feel, if they don’t feel the same way, we must honor their choice and move on. But move on with the good stuff you learned from the relationship, I am sure that you learned and shared much.
So maybe it would help you to make a list of positive experience that helped you to grow as a result of the experience. Maybe then you could look at this loss as a lesson..a gift to your live by love, growth and experience. You can bring that awareness into other relationships as you move forward.
Regarding trust – how can you trust again – I have learned through my 58 years of living, that everyone in my life will hurt me. Maybe not intentionality but it has and will happen. We are human- pain is a part of the experience of life..so you cannot set up a life without pain – but you can design tools to help you cope, learn and move on. I hope my words offer some support. You will be fine. These intense feelings will begin to soften over time and the betrayal will begin to hurt less and less.
Try not to isolate from friends, family or any support. Do things that bring you pleasure. The more joy and happiness you can experience, the faster your body and mind will be removed from depression.
Journaling (writing a diary) may help you to deal with difficult emotions. I find that when I write about my problems, I can finds answers right there among my words.
Good luck, and I wish you a speedy recovery.
Pat