I am so sorry to read this Jeff. You have been very eloquent and your pain is so clear in your words.

I’m sure there is nothing I can say that can make you feel better as your loss is profound.

I will say however that I don’t think you are right to feel shame. Things happen, people change and circumstances which are beyond our control occur. This can happen to anyone and beating yourself up about it will not help. From what you’ve told us, I can’t see anything that you’ve done wrong in this situation other then ‘being a human being’.

Maybe it’s not a case of looking for the good in this situation. Maybe it is about resolve?

I think perhaps all you can do is resolve to make the best of what has happened? So you could resolve to be the best father you can be. You can resolve to continue to treat your wife with respect?

I think it is also really really important that you resolve to look after yourself. It’s easy in these circumstances to go to pieces and it would be best if you could avoid that. Look after your emotional and physical health as best as you can.

When I was single I came across this book. It was written in the 30’s by a former Vogue editor. It was written for women, but I believe that the advice is very practical and can be of great use for men too. I am married now but I keep a copy of this book by my bedside because it’s so useful, it’s no nonsense, and practical too. You could have a look at the reviews and see if it is worth investing in for you.

http://books.google.co.uk/books?id=ZvYugap0b-gC

I really hope you find peace.