Hi Tinydancer,

I’m very sorry for the way you feel.

I absolutely relate to how you feel because I have childhood abandonment issues myself.
My dad was a sick person, trying to cheat all the time and my mom and him fought a lot.

The constant tension in the house, raised me to have no emotional connection to my parents whatsoever, even though they love me to bits.

I have grow up to be a person struggling with school, carreer, friendships, love life (I too always find men that are bad for me), codependency (found that out on this site), and most important: lack of self esteem and self love.

At first I thought, come one, it doesnt make sense, i do love myself! I think Im pretty! But after research and realization I noticed that I loved myself in a shallow way.
I constantly let the outside determine how I feel about myself. There we have the problem.

Try to realize that you need to find ways to start loving you..you don’t need validation from guys you meet who dont show any interest. Once you have reached the point to be validating yourself and loving yourself, you will also find that it doesnt bother you that much how people think of you. It lingers in your head now every time such a thing happens, because you have not yet reached the point where you can console yourself because you dont love yourself yet.

You ARE loveable and a wonderful person. A lot of us who have been raised in bad families grow up to be very sweet, empathatic and caring people.
Use your qualities on yourself.

I know I’m trying to get there and I know I will one day, and so will you.

Maybe one day you will be truly able to forgive your dad and see him for the persn he is, and not the person who has hurt you. I have..
I love him but I will never understand him, I now accept that his brain is wired differently than I find normal and I am in peace with that…
Sto critisizing yourself for having the typical traits of someone with such a youth, it’s not your fault, you will get over this.
It means a lot already that you have realized what the problem is. I believe you have come half way by realizing.

so yes yes yes the answer is within you.

Stay strong and please see that life is beautiful and you are wonderful and loveable
Hugs

• This reply was modified 11 years, 5 months ago by SerCay.