Tera,

In contrast to some of the other pertinent and valuable opinions, there is another factor in communication that might be overlooked. When we invite someone to share with us, we are asking them to open to us. When you asked a question to your friend, she responded with such and such, which was her view. When you responded, was it because she asked you to share your view? Did you consider that your words might devalue her opinion of her own view?

Ex:
You: what do you like in a partner?
Her: I like physical beauty, smart, sexy, good job.
You: oh yeah? Well I like maturity, intimacy, spiritual growth. If he is mature and intimate, physical appearance and job are meaningless.
Her: what the hell? I’m not shallow.

Can you see in those words how the fantasy you trumped/stepped/devalued your fantasy friend’s view?

One of the notions that applies to Buddhist monks is that they don’t preach dharma to strangers. If they are asked questions, they answer openly and skillfully, but they do not engage in religious debate.

I feel something similar applies to those of us who focus on our spiritual development. We often can see things that others cannot, and it is our responsibility to take care in what pieces of reality we communicate to others. Otherwise we bring the fiery torch of our light and can easily burn away trust as the fire undermines the confidence of others.

Of course, we have free will and can do anything and say anything we want. However, if this is a repeating pattern for you with multiple people, chances are there is something happening on your side that is causing it. Perhaps you love your insight so much that you share it when the other is not ready or open to it?

With warmth,
Matt

• This reply was modified 11 years, 5 months ago by Matt.