By doing exactly what you are doing already! Asking questions to people I trusted (or complete strangers! 🙂 ) and trying out what they said to do. If it worked, I would abandon the old ways. If the tower is burning, it might be scary to jump, but we jump anyway because the old way is too painful.

For self nurturing, I give my love and attention to my body parts. “Hello left foot, you are a good foot and I love you. Thank you for carrying my weight. Hello right eye, you are a good eye, and I love you. Thank you for your part in helping me see. Hello bottom, I’m sorry for being disappointed in your shape, and I love you. Thank you for protecting my tail bone as I sit.” It is easier to start with physical parts (rather than abstract things like love, curiosity, motivation etc). You deserve love, and you deserve your love!

The problem with Mani/peddi/etc is that a codependent can easily twist it into nurturing others. Ever get angry that he didn’t notice/appreciate your toes after a pedicure? Maybe it was acceptance seeking then? If you saw your toes as amazingly beautiful, and he didn’t, you would only shrug at his inability to see something you know is pretty. From there its pretty easy to move on and look for a connection with someone who sees the same beauty you do.

With warmth,
Matt