Hi dear,
Ok, I am just going to say this out loud and hope you think about it. I do not think you are in love with him. I do think that you are in love with the memory and the impression you had from him when you met him. I have been in a similar kinda situation before, but didn’t esculate this far. I read between your words that you do know what you want and you do know what to do, you are just not strong enough to do it.

You are not in love with him, you are addicted to him. It is exactly like being addicted to alcohol, imagine it. An alcoholic can not think about anything other than alcohol until they have it. Do you really feel JOY when you are with him? Pay attention next time and see even when things are ok, do you feel peace? Do you feel joy in your heart, or you just feel ok I can breathe now and you are just ok.

You are coming to the point that you have realized your problem and you know yourself pretty well as well, which is great. And asking others over and over to what to do might just take you around circles. I do not believe that you have to pass certain time to get over someone either. Sometimes you just read something, or hear something, and right there, you feel lighter.

So, you are still quite young, and seem like you have learned this past five years. So I don’t think you are as weak as you were 5 years ago when you couldn’t let him go.
You just need to find something that really shakes you off of him, and opens your eyes. I am sorry hunny but no matter what you say, I don’t think this guy is in love with you.

He might think he loves you, I am not sure, but when a guy meets his ONE he wont see anything else around him, his world evovllves around that girl. It’s different with us girls, we have agendas, we get obsessed.

I think you already knew your answer before you wrote this, and you are looking for some help to pump up your strenght break this pattern of yours. The fear of not being able to find anyone like him is useless, because you do not have him right now. Are you happy? no, then do you prefer this to being alone and like yourself and have self respect ? Would like to be left alone in the house with two kids, and wonder where your husband is late at night? Imagine that, and be happy that you are not gonna be part of that community of women that MAKE a guy to marry then, only to be left alone with kids. It is a lot harder to find dates with kids I think.

You do know how it should have started from the beginning as you said. Go deep and see what your heart is telling you. Until you find your own worth, a guy will not find it for you. I have learned this lesson in a hard way.

can recommend so many books to you to help, but one that comes to mind when made me learn how to make decisions from love and not fear, is RETURN TO LOVE, by Marian Williamson. Read it, you will know what to do after.

Make your decision out of love, faith, and not fear. No good comes out of fear.

Hope this helps. I am here for more strength if oyu needed .

Love
Danubelle
http://www.danubelle.com