Hello Vera,
Yes I really understand what you mean ! All this new stuff and theories that are coming out that keep saying that we are responsible for everything , makes you feel pressured because you have so much to deal with and to be optimistic all the time ! It is exhausting ! I think you just need to go easy on yourself, I personally believe that you can send out strong signals that may bring you bad things, but sometimes things happen! And you have to deal with it , what you are responsible for is the way you react to it. Anyways , when it comes to not being right now , that is not what it is, we all grow and change , learn and understand new things that is the beauty of life! The journey we have in creating ourselves and making ourselves better and stronger and change the way we think so we can be happy. It is not so much changing yourself as it is just changing the way you control your thoughts, you are just focusing on the better side of you not a different you!
Hope I helped