Chelsey,

You are not crazy for wanting closure! In agree with John that perhaps closure is something you won’t find with her, but within yourself. Consider that you’re in pain, and when we are in pain we become selfish. This is normal and usual.

Its also not surprising that after a long icky relationship and breakup that the heart needs time to heal before it can reopen. I wonder if you’re seeing it as “she hurt me” instead of what’s really there. You were more emotionally available than she was, and you invested more than she did. That’s not her fault, its not really anyone’s fault. Its just the way your feelings of love met poor timing and unhealed history in your partner. You saying “she hurt me” only furthers the myth that she is in charge of your feelings, leaving you a victim to the closure. If “she hurt you” then only “she can heal you”.

That’s only a codependent myth, however. You loved, found out it was unrequited, and so became painful instead of ecstatic. I’m really sorry for that pain, too many people in this world suffer from it.

Perhaps the closure will come from recognizing that you want a loving partner who is emotionally available. She wasn’t one of them, so perhaps it is ok to move on with the lesson learned. Now you know more clearly what you are looking for, all you really have to do is stop looking backward into the past and look forward.

I hope you find peace in the present! Its available inside you, you don’t need her or me or John or your therapist to give it to you. Its in your nature. Others might help try to remind you, but its inside you already.

With warmth,
Matt