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  • #65477
    E.C
    Participant

    Hello, this is my first post here.
    I am usually a huge lurker and frankly I can’t believe I am posting!
    I am writing in desperation because I feel lost, lonely and hopeless, I am hoping that writing here will give me some clarity and relief.

    I am in my late twenties and living in my “home country”. I put it in quotes because I did not grow up here. I moved here a few years ago leaving my friends and my boyfriend.
    I was upset and miserable about this move and moped/cried for a good few months but tried to focus and be positive when I landed myself an exciting job.
    For a few years, the work hours were extremely long and it was a lot of stress to deal with when I was already having trouble trying to blend into the culture+learning the language properly.
    I was busy/exhausted all the time and had no opportunity to go out and meet new people and create a network of friends. I always went places alone or with my family. The few chances that I did get, I’d end up drifting away because I never had the time. (It may just be that I was lazy/ just making excuses?) I felt isolated, lonely and full of anxiety.

    Now, the hours don’t seem as long (I am guessing I work faster and deal with problems easier). I try to take care of myself physically and emotionally….
    Life is lot more stable for the most part and feel like I should be in the state to prepare to move….but I am just so burned out and depressed I can’t seem to move forward.
    Sometimes I feel like things are going great and then there would be times I’d come home and be in tears.

    I don’t understand. Logically I know what I can do to help with my problems yet I feel like it’s all hopeless. I feel like I am so used to being alone that I probably can’t handle having a social life anymore (?!?) I feel like I am scared of change even though that’s exactly what I want. I feel like I am doomed to be alone, lonely and unloved. I feel like I am too tired to do anything. Life feels empty yet I go crazy trying to think of all the ways I can change my life.
    I feel unhappy with myself…I blame myself for being lazy and not making a move earlier. I feel silly for getting dramatic over having “no friends” and wish I would just get on with it.
    I don’t feel happy in my long distance relationship because I feel bad for being needy and depending on my bf for company he can’t always give. I feel resentment towards my mum (I love her very much!) for telling me to come here in the first place. I feel frustrated when I see other peoples seemingly perfect lives on social media.

    What can I do to stop these negative thoughts? I feel like my mind is trying to stop me from being happy!!

    #65444

    In reply to: Can't cope anymore :-(

    Kevin venkatesh
    Participant

    Hi sarah jane,

    First off, i am very sorry to hear about your problems. I wish i could magically heal you but the truth is its gonna take time. Now, i havent been in your place. What i have been suffering from for a while is severe anxiety. With it comes disturbing thoughts, depression, feeling detached, chronic fatigue and aches. Stress can cause major symptoms as louise said, such as fatigue, pain, anxiety, and other symptoms. Im always tired and get aches everywhere. My mind is constantly churning out new thoughts about rubbish. Its very surprising how close our thoughts correlate to how we feel. Ive learnt that just by changing my attitude, my mood shifts. If i think, “im going to be like this for the rest of my life”, which i did at one point, then chances are i probably will be if i keep thinking like that. But as soon as i thought “i feel terrible now, but i will accept that this is me until i get better”.
    There is a man named paul david who helped me tremendously. He suffered from anxiety/depression for 10 years until he learned how to get rid of it. The key is acceptance. Realizing that all your thoughts an feelings and just that and NOT REAL. It takes time for that to sink in but its true. Its upto YOU to make your life enjoyable. Life doesnt care about how you feel. You gotta just let everything come at you while moving forward. Another thing that helps is to take some time out of your day and write down or just think about what IS good in your life and what you should be thankful for. If you have family and friends who love you, be thankful. Those are the people you live for and they live for you.

    Now i know im not a doctor or therapist or anything, but im learning new things everyday just from experience. Now i havent experienced what you have to that extent to be honest but i believe that the advice i have taken should be taken by everyone. Be greatful, accept, dont take your thoughts/feelings too seriously, accept yourself for now. Also, dont try to put on a mask. Hiding this is trying to control. I was afraid to let everything in because i thought i would lose control over myself and that id fall into a hole. Well thats when everything turned around. Let it in but you have to change your mindset. You can do it i know you can. Im rambling because theres so much i can say but dont give up. Dont ever give up. In the end theres always something worth living for. If youre going through hell keep going. In the end youll be strong.

    Kevin
    Ps. Check out anxietynomore.co.uk (paul davids site) it will help i promise.

    #65395

    In reply to: Getting over Ex

    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi Mark
    Yes I too am going through something similar. My ex ended our relationship a long time ago and I still hurt and feel anxiety from it. Just like you I tried to be nice and he only had mean things to say and was also defensive when I later brought it Up. I also tried to wish him the best and let him know I truly hope he finds happiness but the conversation didn’t go as planned. I even tried to start a new relationship but it didn’t work out because I am not healed from the last one. I think it’s normal for us to still feel some “grieving pains”.You had a lot of memories with your ex and not everyone can just move on to the next person like some people can. Allow yourself as much time as you need to get stronger and on the days I catch myself thinking of my ex too much or feeling bad and thinking about the “what if’s” I keep myself REALLY busy. Gym, go out with friends,organize my whole entire closet. ANYTHING HELPS. I think it’s just hard for you because during your loss you turned to her and now with your father’s health it has caused that feeling of wanting someone to turn to again so your ex pops up in your head and that’s ok. I’m sorry she said those unnecessary rude comments to you and you did not deserve it. I’m sorry she did not apologize for those words and behaved so cold but it’s all over now and in the past. That initial breakup feeling is already over and that’s the hardest part. Now all you can do is progress a little more every day. We are doing it together! 🙂

    Marie
    Participant

    Thank you all for your feedback. I’ve tried all of the above and it’s definitely helped with trying to keep my feelings in check when around such an emotionally draining person.

    Also, focusing on the good. Not letting her occupy my thoughts or cause me anxiety/stress outside work. Sometimes I forget, but it really does make a difference – being grateful for what is positive in my life and not obsessing over people that make no sense to me or people who I feel have treated others wrongly, for whatever weird reason!

    Recently it has come to light that I am not the only one who feels this way and my coworkers have commiserated with me about having to walk on eggshells around this supervisor. We recently all discussed her constant mood swings, accusatory delusional behavior and general insecurity and lack of managerial skills.

    I know it’s awful to admit, but it made me feel somewhat better knowing I was not the only extreme target of this woman’s delusional, explosive way of thinking. Not sure if that’s borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder or just family patterns on how she was raised shining through. Does it have to be diagnosed? Does it matter?

    Either way your thoughts have been helpful in dealing with such an unstable person on a regular basis, and I thank you for that.

    #65306
    Matt
    Participant

    Beachcomber,

    I’m sorry for your suffering, and can understand the challenge of being afraid of our vulnerability. On one hand, your heart is opening to the man, and on the other, you’ve been burned in the past, and it hurt. Sometimes when we’ve been betrayed, we get a sense that we are unsafe, or the cause of the betrayal. When alone, this often echoes like painful fearfulness, heart stressing about all the unknowns, the potential dangers, the “what ifs”. A few things came to heart as I read your words.

    For me, I turn “what ifs” into “even ifs”, and then let them go. For instance, consider that you’ve been through heartbreak before, and though it sucks, you’d get past it. If it turns out he’s not your prince, it would hurt, sure, but you’d be OK. You smiled long before meeting him, were fine alone, know who you are and what you like. Or, at least mostly/partially/enough. 🙂 You found the courage to love again after being kicked pretty hard, so obviously your heart is stronger than any crud your partner could throw at you. So, even if the worst happened, you’d get through it. Believe in yourself, sister, others do. I do.

    That being said, there is no reason to anticipate bad things will happen. He has offered his side, is willing to help, and made a commitment. Try not to fault him for still keeping options open while he was deciding, that’s normal. He may have needed some time to decide if you were right for him, or even build confidence that you were into him. Once “the conversation” happened, though, he seemed to dive all in. That’s good! Of course, there is still that little birdie, the little voice of worry chirping in your ear.

    I get this with my wife, too, worried she doesn’t love me back, that our romantic song is dimming or lost. There’s a tender vulnerability that rests alongside love when our heart opens to another. That vulnerability naturally produces some fear, some anxiety, stress. Its like “oh, wow, I really do, I do love you. Please tell me you do, too. Please?” And slowly, with time and courage, as we ask, we can open to their answer. Letting their their attempts to offer their love to us wash across us, reveal the shape of that little birdie. Its much like a painting of a bird we keep on the wall of our bedroom to remind us of the dangers of loving. Tacked it up there last time, or before, to remind us to be careful. As we open to the partner that’s really in front of us, we can slowly, as we’re ready, take that old painting down. The “old vision” replaced by a new one.

    Consider approaching this from a different perspective. Instead of worrying that you worry, just accept that the worry is there. “Oh, this feels like fear”, and instead of running with it, just sit with it. Try to breathe, be present, in the body rather than in the mind. This helps it settle, rather than multiply. Taking the tacks out from around the painting, rather than adding more.

    Then, as you’re courageously asking for comfort (“hey, I want to build something brilliant with you, and need some support, maybe rub my shoulders? Sing me a love song? Take a bath together?”) try to relax and trust. Not trust that he, for sure, without a doubt, IS your prince… rather trust yourself, that your heart can show up, open, and discern. Its wise. Said differently, as you offer your worry into the relationship, you’re also courageously exploring your own tenderness, and giving him a chance to explore with you. I doubt it feels like a burden, especially if you’re doing your best to relax and be comforted.

    For example, my wife often asks for a backrub… but sometimes feels burdensome, as though she shouldn’t ask such a thing from me. On my side… yep, what a tremendous burden to touch her smooth skin, feel her body relax and loosen under my hands, see her curves, and so forth. Work, work, work. 🙂

    Finally, make sure you take time to self nurture. Sometimes we stop self care actions when we get wrapped up in a romance, but its much better for us if we keep them up. Whatever you were doing before that was working for you, keep at it. Activities like meditation, yoga, exercise, eating right and so forth are especially important, as they not only help with emotional balance, but when we know we’re self caring in physical ways, we build a deeper trust in ourselves. You are a queen, after all, and deserve your own tender touch and attention.

    With warmth,
    Matt

    #65224
    Alana
    Participant

    “I went on few job interviews but so far I was rejected by everyone. It’s getting harder and harder each time becouse after each failure, my self-esteem is totally ruined. It is very difficult for me to convince myself that I’m not a loser and I should give myself another chance… I hate feeling so inadequate and not good enough “

    Hi David,
    I am sending you virtual hugs.

    This may sound counterintuitive but I think you might want to stay away from job interviews at the moment. Trying to get a job will keep reinforcing the pressure to get a job if that makes sense. The pressure to get a job is so high that if you don’t get it, you will only damage your self-esteem further.

    Though I believe you should challenge yourself, you need to be aware of your limits at the moment. Over time as you develop a hardened armor, these limits will change as you can take more. Start off small and work your way up.

    Like the others have said, challenge yourself, but I think interviews are too much as of now. You can try meetup.com and look for toastmasters, public readings, anything that allows you to take some kind of social risk. In my opinion, I think challenging your anxiety is a first step, not so much getting a job. I know it seems really important to get one now, but since it’s leading to more self-defeating thoughts, it might be best to challenge yourself in other ways.

    Hugs,
    Alana

    #65201
    savvy702
    Participant

    I tell you this story just so you know I empathize with your pain and to show that if I can pull myself up from this you can as well…there is a simple answer to all of the health problems physical and mental.

    On September 23, 2013 I was inpatient at a psychiatric hospital on a court ordered suicide hold for a mental breakdown following a period of lifelong severe depression, increasing manic episodes, ending in suicidal paranoid psychosis. The night before my release my husband at the time blindsided me by telling me we were getting a divorce. I had no idea. I woke up in the hospital to a complete stranger. I lost everyone and everything, friends turned on me spreading rumors about me to get close to him while I was at my lowest and needed them most. I moved to NV, then found out he had been seeing a particular friend who knew intimate details of my struggle and the depth of my emotional pain over my marriage and life, since before I even knew we were getting divorced. My friend and husband who had an affair are still together. June of this year I ended up back in the psychiatric ward on another suicide hold. I was released 3 hours before my only brothers wedding and missed seeing his ceremony that I was supposed to be in. My parents, married 35 yrs renewed vows at his wedding. Two weeks later we found out my mother had been having an affair on my father for a year & they are now divorcing. I no longer speak to my mother or grandparents as they have all turned on my father who is devastated. I lost 2 dogs (death/divorce), almost all of my immediate family members and in laws, my home, career, my health, my sanity, my credit score, and all of my friends except the ones who really count..all but the career within 10 months.

    I think bad things happen to us so that we can prepare ourselves to really appreciate the good to come. Everything happens for a reason. There was a really great post on here the other day about rebirth if you can find it.
    I am just now finding myself, this has forced me to get to the root of my physical and mental problems, as these are the times we have to learn to love ourselves. I’ve tried everything as I’ve felt this way since I was 6. I finally figured out the answer and I know it will help you.

    Please, please read the book the Ultra Mind Solution…or even just reviews on Amazon to get convinced. I have heard this stuff for years but finally have become desperate enough to try it as I’ve tried medications, doctors, naturopaths, therapy, meditation, rehab, church, meditation, exercise, diet, supplements, everything. This just makes common sense and was finally all put together in one place in an easy to understand way. It’s all about the basic building blocks our bodies need to function..adding more good stuff and eliminating things that are killing us. Other countries just don’t have the health problems we have here in the US. It’s Written by a doctor who’s mental health failed him and he wasn’t satisfied with conventional medical treatment. The reviews on Amazon are very informative. Trust me please, I haven’t been able to work in years due to exhaustion, mental fog, confusion, depression and anxiety. Just in general a mess, no sleep or food and constant stress for years almost killed me and I’m slowly coming back. Medications made me almost test positive for symptoms of schizophrenia and that’s when I knew I was getting much worse and not better. This book explains everything and the answer is really pretty simple the way he explains it…other doctors review and endorse the book also. In ten years this is going to be more common knowledge. Look into functional medicine if you can. And please do yourself a favor you won’t regret reading (or listening) to this book. It has truly given me hope and changed my life, and I really thought of it reading your story and felt compelled to tell my story in the hopes it will help you gain a life you never dreamed of. Good luck I wish you the best!

    #65146
    Shell
    Participant

    Hi Kate,

    When I read your post my heart felt like it was sinking into my stomach. I felt as if I could “hear” the pain, confusion, loneliness and fear in your voice. This was several days ago. I’ve never written a post or a blog. Infact, other than Facebook, I’ve never written anything online. Your post has been playing on my mind because what you are going through is somewhat similar to what I have been through – picking up the pieces.

    At the age of 36 I relocated overseas to pursue a career opportunity with the company I had been with for 7 years. I was single and 10,000 miles from home. 10,000 miles away from everything that was familiar and provided me with a sense of security and comfort. For the first time I was very much on my own. That is what I thought until I met the “love of my life” just 3 months after I landed in a foreign country where I didn’t know anyone or the culture.

    Like me, he was an expat so I felt an immediate sense of comfort. After several months a friendship turned into love and a very happy relationship. I had only been in 4 other relationships and none of them lasted more than a year and I had never been in love before.

    Less than a year into my relocation I lost my job and had a miscarriage within 2 months of eachother. I didn’t have so much as a single doubt that my boyfriend was going to be the man I spend the rest of my life with. So, I decided to stay and look for another job in my field.

    5 months later my boyfriend moved in with me as I could no longer afford my rent nor break my lease. Being unemployed in a foreign country where I couldn’t even find a part-time job was terrifying. I had to drain my 401k to help make ends meet. It was worth it to me because I knew my boyfriend and I would get throught this and be together for many, many years to come.

    After 6 months of being unemployed and just getting by I found a job outside of my field. I was willing to take the HUGE pay cut because being unemployed strained my relationship with my boyfriend. I though everything would get back on track once I began working. It did, but only temporarily.

    Several weeks before my 2 year anniversary my boyfriend gave me a week’s notice, moved out and broke up with me. I didn’t see it coming.

    Like you, my life seemed to have fallen apart in an instant. The future I was looking forward to was gone. Any sense of security and stability I had was taken away. I was 10,000 miles from home, beyond heart broken, feeling betrayed, without family and only had only made a few friends. Financially, I scraped by and at times couldn’t even afford food.

    I struggled to get out of bed and attempted suicide. I learned from my friends and co-workers that he was out having fun and travelling. I could not afford to move home without a job so I stayed and tried to keep myself together. We were separated for 4 months when he and I started speaking again and I took him back.

    I thought we had both learned from the experience, grown and the second time around we could avoid repeating history. The second time around with him lasted for 1 year.

    Even though I forgave my boyfriend I could not forget how he left me, betrayed my trust and looked out for himself first. The sense of security I once had and the trust I once gave him never came back into the relationship. With eyes wide open I saw him repeating some of the same behaviours that he displayed before he left me. I decided not to see how it plays out and risk having my world rocked again so I broke up with him.

    That was 3 weeks ago.

    As I write this I am surrounded by packing boxes and suitcases. After nearly 4 (very long) years I haved decided to move home. Moving back home is what I need to do so that I can grieve the end of my relationship, focus on myself and re-engage in my career which is my passion.

    I don’t have a job when I return home and will not be able to afford my own place. What I do have is a sense of security and comfort in knowing that I can handle whatever comes my way in life.

    Through things I have done and sometimes things I haven’t done I’ve learned from this experience. I’ve learned:

    -You can endure more than you think you can
    -Yes, it is going to hurt like hell. Let it. Trying to avoid the pain creates more pain in the form of anxiety.
    -Allow yourself to grieve, but don’t allow youself to fall into despair
    -Going back to a relationship is not always the best option in order to go forward in life. You may wish you could go back but the reality of going back may be different than what you thought it would be.
    -When you look to yourself for security no one can take that away – even if they leave you
    -Surround yourself with family and friends (even if it’s via skype/email/phone). If I had done this perhaps I would not have fallen into such a dark depression.
    -Therapy helps. I could not afford it, but feel it would have made things easier.
    -Don’t read things that will bring you down. Read and watch things that will help you rise. Eckahart Tolle, Tony Robbins and Susan Jeffers are a good place to start.
    -Go easy on yourself
    -If you decide to stay or leave either choice can be undone which makes it less scary
    -How you choose to feel determines if you can see the small things in life that can make you happy. Appreciate the small things because along with family and friends they matter the most.

    Maybe I’ll fall in love again. Maybe I won’t. When you start to come out on the other end of the grief you tend to realize that being with somene is not the be-all and end-all in life.

    Wishing you the best!

    Marie
    Participant

    I hate my supervisor. There, I’ve said it. I try not to hate anyone, but she does everything she can to belittle and undermine me and make me feel small. I work in the same room as her and have to see her every day. She’s really terrible. I had no idea people could act this way, but her pettiness, vain nature, and obsession with success and what she can’t have is soul-crushing.

    She is the perfect spoiled little rich girl always complaining how hard her life is, but she’s too blind to see her own failings and thus blames others for her failures.

    I come from an immigrant family where we had to work hard to get by and were always worried about money, so listening to her gripe about her life and the lady who didn’t do her hair right at the salon and how HARD her day to day world is (oh, how awful! expensive vacations! private school and a good fully-paid education! parents who will pay all your medical and therapy bills for you! actual xmas presents at xmas!) is just unbearable. I know she is a sad, lonely person, and she has even said this. She has even said she doesn’t have any friends. But she is judgmental, critical of others, petty, doesn’t listen, and is just not a pleasant person to be around at all, so I can see WHY she doesn’t have any very close friends. She’s downright exhausting. It’s just too much. She has to be always be right. You can’t talk back to her. I can literally SEE HER EYES GLAZE OVER when I talk to her.

    A family member of mine was in the hospital and I had to miss work to go see him and she asked offhand how he was doing when I came back and I could see her eyes glaze over when I started talking about my family. Then she cut me off and went on a rant about the failed healthcare system and her own medical issues. My family member could have died, but she wouldn’t have cared. She just has no empathy for others.

    Her life is full of gossip and complaining about everything she doesn’t have. How do I deal with these feelings? She’s narcissistic, thinks everyone desires her, is often mean to others just to be mean. Plus, we are both in the same profession and she tries to undermine me to build up her status. When people compliment me and say I’m talented, she challenges them and says the compliments should actually be directed to her because she’s JUST as talented. Why do people act like this? Why do women try to beat other women down? She’s tries to make me feel worthless and incompetent on a daily basis. Plus, she’s a bad communicator and a terrible supervisor and scolds me for not doing things she didn’t even assign me to do. Is it a mind game? Probably.

    I seriously think she may have borderline personality disorder. What’s worse is I never know when she’s going to explode. She’s very two-faced. For instance, now she’s being sweet as pie to me, but I can just think of all the times she was awful and I just… I just don’t trust her. The perks of this job are pretty wonderful so I don’t want to leave, though I know, with her supervising me, there is no room for growth and it’s pretty much a dead-end with the company. I feel lost.

    How do I find inner peace to put up with her when she is constantly trying to make me feel worthless? I feel like in another life she left me to rot in a dungeon or something and we are dealing with past life regressions now. Her worldview is so distorted she wants the big house, the fame, the respect, but just complains about how others are keeping her small.

    I won all these prizes for my work, and she shrugs them off and only tells people of my failings or how inefficient I am and then nitpicks on small details that are really very confusing. I want to stay in my job for now, but she is so toxic and soul-sucking. She’s an emotional vampire. I never knew people like this existed.

    My coworkers say it is because I am extremely more talented than her and more beautiful and am reaching outside success so she’s just picking on me cause she can’t deal. Is this true? Why can’t I see my own self-worth?

    At this point she’s taken away most of my responsibilities at work and a once creative job is now mostly full of data entry. It’s boring and I feel under utilized. I know there will be more toxic people I will face in my life. I would like to be strong and I know this can be a test to better face the future, but I am kind-hearted and don’t think mean thoughts of others and I hate that I am thinking defensive, mean thoughts about her.

    Help. Why do people treat others like this? Is it envy? Is it their own personal pain? Is it all of the above? She says when she meets someone nice she likes to try to make them cry just because. Thank God she has never made me cry, but I am filled with anxiety. The site of her makes me feel sick. Just the way she walks into the room. Haughty. With a chip on her shoulder. (Though she claims she DOES NOT have a chip on her shoulder. She’s really delusional and it’s driving me crazy to be around someone who is so blind. Is she messing with me? Ahhhhh.)

    I try not to give her any power in my life, but I really hate being around her. She’s unpredictable, moody. It’s like walking on eggshells whenever she’s near. She moans about how she can’t find love and she should be able to find love because she is beautiful and witty, and I just don’t know what to say to her. I really hate her view on the world. Help me. Please. Any advice. She says everyone’s viewpoints are boring and she is the funniest person she knows and she can’t find a man as interesting as her. Who the heck says that in the real world? Honestly, I am not making this stuff up.

    She is always putting SOMEONE down and it is NEVER her fault. I know she is her own worst enemy and will probably be her own downfall, but she’s really, really baffling and hard to be around.

    Man, writing this all out… maybe I should just quit. But no. I like having a small commute. I like the benefits here. The flexible hours. How do I find the inner strength to put up with such a toxic, soul-sucking person? I feel drained just being around her. Why do people push people down just to try to build themselves up? I keep thinking if I can build a protective forcefield around my soul then she can’t f’ing touch me and I’ll be free and safe.

    Any help is much appreciated. Apologies this is so long.

    #65077
    G
    Participant

    Hey Archie,
    I’m really sorry to hear about your grandmother. I lost my grandfather to cancer and I saw what it did to my family as it was happening. It’s very tough and I wish you all the strength in the world.

    That being said, you are so normal you have no idea. Archie, when I turned 23 I was about to graduate college. I was always the happy go lucky guy who loved laughed and had a great time doing anything..until one day in my apartment at school I had d complete and total breakdown. I was paralyzed, shaking, crying and a total emotional mess. It was one of the worst days of my life. So bad I had to drive home and leave school for a week. I had no clue where it came from or why it happened. Thus it started my dysfunctional relationship with anxiety and occasional depression. You’re not weak or crazy and there’s nothing wrong with you. You’re basically experiencing the feeling of knowing that you will no longer have guidelines keeping you in place. From the sound of things you’re a lot like me in that I took so much comfort in having rules from my parents and school. It was like “I don’t have to do too much thinking because the rules are laid out for me”..but man, when you realize that you are responsible for you…how scary is that??!! Well, I’m 33 years old and I’ve made leaps and bounds with the issues that I’ve shared with you. I own a house, have a girlfriend, have a successful career (that I’m not even so sure I like) and I’m living the adult life while still going to concerts, hanging with friends, having a beer or two and watching movies etc. What’s helped me more than anything was that I talked to a therapist who turned me on to meditation. I too don’t like to show my feelings or weaknesses so this was a huge and scary step for me..Archie, it was the best move I ever made. Sure I didn’t feel too macho at first but after the first few sessions, I couldn’t wait to go back. I never took medication or anything like that, I just learned philosophies that have guided and continue to guide me through hard times. Read The Power of Now by Tolle and Wisdom in Insecurity by Alan Watts. Meditate and most importantly, don’t think you’re weak or crazy. You are experiencing what most of us experience when we’re about to hit the real world…but also, remember the real world is whatever you want to make it. Hope that helps my friend..

    -G

    #65071

    In reply to: Suicide

    G
    Participant

    Yohannes,
    You ARE special. You do have gifts to offer the world. The world can’t function without you. Consider this, you had the strength to post this topic and reach out for help…someone somewhere is going to read this and realize that their struggle isn’t specific to them. They’re going to identify with you and it’s going to bring them comfort far greater than any degree or job you could have had. We all place so much emphasis on our achievements that are career based. Careers and education don’t mean an damn thing Yohannes. Don’t pile up so much unfair pressure on yourself. I have been in some extremely dark places..a lot like where you’re at now and you know what gets me out of them?? The friendly mailman at the post office, the panhandler giving me a smile when I give him a dollar, the guy at the gym who strikes up a conversation with me about nothing in particular, the girl in the elevator at work taking about how she wishes it was Friday. None of these people are rocket scientists, they’re just regular people doing the best they can. Please Yohannes, don’t hold yourself up to some kind of standard that doesn’t exist. I took a class on stress and anxiety reduction and 90% of the folks in it were doctors and lawyers, what’s that tell you?? Career and money mean absolutely NOTHING. I met a shoe shiner in New Orleans, he would make a few bucks a day, enough to live on and he was the happiest guy in the world..not because he was so successful but because he didn’t let life and comparisons get on top of him. I promise you Yohannes, you will bounce back and feel great, then you’ll fall back down and fell bad again…and so forth and so on. That’s life and that’s the way it’s supposed to be but you can reduce the negative reverberations by just doing the best you can and patting yourself on the back for doing so. And honestly, if you have trouble giving yourself a break, don’t beat yourself up about it, we all do it. I do it all the time but I try my best to stay mindful of the fact that I’m being hard on myself or I’m comparing myself to others, etc. The law of science and nature isn’t a theory, it’s a fact..nothing can stay the same forever. No matter how badly you get down on yourself, you will bounce back. That’s just life. I know we don’t know each other but I have so much love for you and your suffering Yohannes, but more than anything I believe in you. I really do. You’re stronger than you think my friend. Everyone who replied to you genuinely cares about you because you are an honest and sincere person who isn’t afraid to be vulnerable. You probably don’t even realize how difficult that is to embody those characteristics. And as far as what you can offer to your girlfriend…you can offer her your honesty, your heart and your caring. In this world, those are the hardest things to come by and you appear to have that in spades my friend. You should be proud of yourself. Sending you lots of love and strength my friend.

    -G

    #65020
    JBake
    Participant

    ‘The Wisdom of Insecurity’ by Alan Watts has done much to calm my own mind about such matters. I strongly suggest you look into it. This kind of thinking can be like quicksand for the anxious mind.

    http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Wisdom-Insecurity-Message-Anxiety/dp/0307741206

    #64930
    xiaojia
    Participant

    Hi,

    Firstly, my apologies for this lengthy post and if I sound incoherent in my writing…

    A 34 year old lady from Singapore, I think I am suffering from a quarter life crisis at this very moment 🙁

    I have had inferiority complex, low self-esteem and confidence since young which I attributed to the fact that I have an elder sis (we are of the same age but nope, we are not twins) who excels both in school and at work. I look up upon her and admire her for achievements in life. There’s no way I can achieve what she has attained. And somehow or rather, it brings upon me a huge amount of stress and unhappiness.

    After having worked for the past 14 years and losing direction in life, I felt I needed a rest and took a career break in late 2013 till now and traveled a little around the region. During this period, I come to realize that I love travelling and would love to do it full-time and eventually migrating to Australia or NZ. I know it is a very unrealistic dream. To tell the truth, I have no courage to embark on this dream too. It doesn’t help when everyone whom I discussed my dream with strongly disapprove to it. I was being told repeatedly to face reality and be practical. Find a stable job, get the monthly income and work till retirement. There’s no security and stability if I ever become a full-time traveler.

    Also, I reckon it will be very tough for me to migrate overseas. Even with a Business degree, my occupation is not in demand or shortage in the countries I want to move too. Hence, I was thinking of making a career switch to become a preschool educator, a job which seems to be in demand in Aust/NZ and might be my ticket to migration in the future. I like kids but I’m not 100% interested in becoming a teacher and the thought of studying and taking exams again is putting me off.

    I really have no idea what I should do now. I know I need to find a job soon but it seems difficult to get a job after a long break from work. Scouring through online employment websites gives me jitters. I can’t help but think I am not good enough for any job and given my age, it is difficult to compete with younger graduates.

    I’m being consumed by fear, anxiety and suicidal thoughts. I just want to feel happy again….

    #64787

    Topic: Anger/Anxiety

    in forum Parenting
    Kate
    Participant

    I have been having a lot of problems with anxiety and anger with my children and husband. I feel very out of control and I am not sure what I should do or how to get things under control. Even little things set me off these days, like if it takes my 8 year old too long to get dressed for school, etc. I am at a loss. Now my daughters kindergarten teacher called and said that she is having several tantrums at school and that she does not seem to have coping mechanisms and thinks that she may need to go to a “special group” with the guidance counselor to help her develop some…feeling like the worst parent EVER! My child is having issues controlling her emotions because I can seem to get it under control. Any thoughts or suggestions?

    Thanks

    #64770
    Jessa
    Participant

    Hello all,

    I’m looking for advice on how to stay connected, and grow intimacy and friendship when you’re scared.

    To give a brief background, I am a survivor of various kinds of abuse from different people in my life. My father, a childhood friend, an uncle, a boss, an ex-boyfriend. The details don’t really matter; what does is that it leaves me fearful in relationships now. I’ve been through therapy, medication, and mindfulness/meditation. All have helped a lot and I’ve healed very much over the past couple years. But I still keep people at a distance, and have a hard time fully trusting even my husband, who is loving and gentle.

    I feel like I’m at a place now where I’d like to start growing new friendships, and putting more trust in my husband and family. But I’m scared that trying to be close will trigger painful symptoms like emotional flooding, flashbacks, panic, dissociation. (I have PTSD. It’s well-managed but I can still be triggered.)

    I also feel clueless. I don’t know how to explain to others that these things might happen, and it feels selfish to ask them to deal with it. I don’t know how to ask or invite people in HEALTHY ways to be closer.

    I’m healing all the time, and things get better slowly but surely. This is my next step. I’m just so scared! Does anyone have any advice? Especially if you’ve dealt with trauma, mental illness or social anxiety before? How did you learn to relate to people? How did you learn to trust? How did you deal with the times that it didn’t work out?

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