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Hello, this is my first post here.
I am usually a huge lurker and frankly I can’t believe I am posting!
I am writing in desperation because I feel lost, lonely and hopeless, I am hoping that writing here will give me some clarity and relief.I am in my late twenties and living in my “home country”. I put it in quotes because I did not grow up here. I moved here a few years ago leaving my friends and my boyfriend.
I was upset and miserable about this move and moped/cried for a good few months but tried to focus and be positive when I landed myself an exciting job.
For a few years, the work hours were extremely long and it was a lot of stress to deal with when I was already having trouble trying to blend into the culture+learning the language properly.
I was busy/exhausted all the time and had no opportunity to go out and meet new people and create a network of friends. I always went places alone or with my family. The few chances that I did get, I’d end up drifting away because I never had the time. (It may just be that I was lazy/ just making excuses?) I felt isolated, lonely and full of anxiety.Now, the hours don’t seem as long (I am guessing I work faster and deal with problems easier). I try to take care of myself physically and emotionally….
Life is lot more stable for the most part and feel like I should be in the state to prepare to move….but I am just so burned out and depressed I can’t seem to move forward.
Sometimes I feel like things are going great and then there would be times I’d come home and be in tears.I don’t understand. Logically I know what I can do to help with my problems yet I feel like it’s all hopeless. I feel like I am so used to being alone that I probably can’t handle having a social life anymore (?!?) I feel like I am scared of change even though that’s exactly what I want. I feel like I am doomed to be alone, lonely and unloved. I feel like I am too tired to do anything. Life feels empty yet I go crazy trying to think of all the ways I can change my life.
I feel unhappy with myself…I blame myself for being lazy and not making a move earlier. I feel silly for getting dramatic over having “no friends” and wish I would just get on with it.
I don’t feel happy in my long distance relationship because I feel bad for being needy and depending on my bf for company he can’t always give. I feel resentment towards my mum (I love her very much!) for telling me to come here in the first place. I feel frustrated when I see other peoples seemingly perfect lives on social media.What can I do to stop these negative thoughts? I feel like my mind is trying to stop me from being happy!!
I hate my supervisor. There, I’ve said it. I try not to hate anyone, but she does everything she can to belittle and undermine me and make me feel small. I work in the same room as her and have to see her every day. She’s really terrible. I had no idea people could act this way, but her pettiness, vain nature, and obsession with success and what she can’t have is soul-crushing.
She is the perfect spoiled little rich girl always complaining how hard her life is, but she’s too blind to see her own failings and thus blames others for her failures.
I come from an immigrant family where we had to work hard to get by and were always worried about money, so listening to her gripe about her life and the lady who didn’t do her hair right at the salon and how HARD her day to day world is (oh, how awful! expensive vacations! private school and a good fully-paid education! parents who will pay all your medical and therapy bills for you! actual xmas presents at xmas!) is just unbearable. I know she is a sad, lonely person, and she has even said this. She has even said she doesn’t have any friends. But she is judgmental, critical of others, petty, doesn’t listen, and is just not a pleasant person to be around at all, so I can see WHY she doesn’t have any very close friends. She’s downright exhausting. It’s just too much. She has to be always be right. You can’t talk back to her. I can literally SEE HER EYES GLAZE OVER when I talk to her.
A family member of mine was in the hospital and I had to miss work to go see him and she asked offhand how he was doing when I came back and I could see her eyes glaze over when I started talking about my family. Then she cut me off and went on a rant about the failed healthcare system and her own medical issues. My family member could have died, but she wouldn’t have cared. She just has no empathy for others.
Her life is full of gossip and complaining about everything she doesn’t have. How do I deal with these feelings? She’s narcissistic, thinks everyone desires her, is often mean to others just to be mean. Plus, we are both in the same profession and she tries to undermine me to build up her status. When people compliment me and say I’m talented, she challenges them and says the compliments should actually be directed to her because she’s JUST as talented. Why do people act like this? Why do women try to beat other women down? She’s tries to make me feel worthless and incompetent on a daily basis. Plus, she’s a bad communicator and a terrible supervisor and scolds me for not doing things she didn’t even assign me to do. Is it a mind game? Probably.
I seriously think she may have borderline personality disorder. What’s worse is I never know when she’s going to explode. She’s very two-faced. For instance, now she’s being sweet as pie to me, but I can just think of all the times she was awful and I just… I just don’t trust her. The perks of this job are pretty wonderful so I don’t want to leave, though I know, with her supervising me, there is no room for growth and it’s pretty much a dead-end with the company. I feel lost.
How do I find inner peace to put up with her when she is constantly trying to make me feel worthless? I feel like in another life she left me to rot in a dungeon or something and we are dealing with past life regressions now. Her worldview is so distorted she wants the big house, the fame, the respect, but just complains about how others are keeping her small.
I won all these prizes for my work, and she shrugs them off and only tells people of my failings or how inefficient I am and then nitpicks on small details that are really very confusing. I want to stay in my job for now, but she is so toxic and soul-sucking. She’s an emotional vampire. I never knew people like this existed.
My coworkers say it is because I am extremely more talented than her and more beautiful and am reaching outside success so she’s just picking on me cause she can’t deal. Is this true? Why can’t I see my own self-worth?
At this point she’s taken away most of my responsibilities at work and a once creative job is now mostly full of data entry. It’s boring and I feel under utilized. I know there will be more toxic people I will face in my life. I would like to be strong and I know this can be a test to better face the future, but I am kind-hearted and don’t think mean thoughts of others and I hate that I am thinking defensive, mean thoughts about her.
Help. Why do people treat others like this? Is it envy? Is it their own personal pain? Is it all of the above? She says when she meets someone nice she likes to try to make them cry just because. Thank God she has never made me cry, but I am filled with anxiety. The site of her makes me feel sick. Just the way she walks into the room. Haughty. With a chip on her shoulder. (Though she claims she DOES NOT have a chip on her shoulder. She’s really delusional and it’s driving me crazy to be around someone who is so blind. Is she messing with me? Ahhhhh.)
I try not to give her any power in my life, but I really hate being around her. She’s unpredictable, moody. It’s like walking on eggshells whenever she’s near. She moans about how she can’t find love and she should be able to find love because she is beautiful and witty, and I just don’t know what to say to her. I really hate her view on the world. Help me. Please. Any advice. She says everyone’s viewpoints are boring and she is the funniest person she knows and she can’t find a man as interesting as her. Who the heck says that in the real world? Honestly, I am not making this stuff up.
She is always putting SOMEONE down and it is NEVER her fault. I know she is her own worst enemy and will probably be her own downfall, but she’s really, really baffling and hard to be around.
Man, writing this all out… maybe I should just quit. But no. I like having a small commute. I like the benefits here. The flexible hours. How do I find the inner strength to put up with such a toxic, soul-sucking person? I feel drained just being around her. Why do people push people down just to try to build themselves up? I keep thinking if I can build a protective forcefield around my soul then she can’t f’ing touch me and I’ll be free and safe.
Any help is much appreciated. Apologies this is so long.
Hi,
Firstly, my apologies for this lengthy post and if I sound incoherent in my writing…
A 34 year old lady from Singapore, I think I am suffering from a quarter life crisis at this very moment 🙁
I have had inferiority complex, low self-esteem and confidence since young which I attributed to the fact that I have an elder sis (we are of the same age but nope, we are not twins) who excels both in school and at work. I look up upon her and admire her for achievements in life. There’s no way I can achieve what she has attained. And somehow or rather, it brings upon me a huge amount of stress and unhappiness.
After having worked for the past 14 years and losing direction in life, I felt I needed a rest and took a career break in late 2013 till now and traveled a little around the region. During this period, I come to realize that I love travelling and would love to do it full-time and eventually migrating to Australia or NZ. I know it is a very unrealistic dream. To tell the truth, I have no courage to embark on this dream too. It doesn’t help when everyone whom I discussed my dream with strongly disapprove to it. I was being told repeatedly to face reality and be practical. Find a stable job, get the monthly income and work till retirement. There’s no security and stability if I ever become a full-time traveler.
Also, I reckon it will be very tough for me to migrate overseas. Even with a Business degree, my occupation is not in demand or shortage in the countries I want to move too. Hence, I was thinking of making a career switch to become a preschool educator, a job which seems to be in demand in Aust/NZ and might be my ticket to migration in the future. I like kids but I’m not 100% interested in becoming a teacher and the thought of studying and taking exams again is putting me off.
I really have no idea what I should do now. I know I need to find a job soon but it seems difficult to get a job after a long break from work. Scouring through online employment websites gives me jitters. I can’t help but think I am not good enough for any job and given my age, it is difficult to compete with younger graduates.
I’m being consumed by fear, anxiety and suicidal thoughts. I just want to feel happy again….
Topic: Anger/Anxiety
I have been having a lot of problems with anxiety and anger with my children and husband. I feel very out of control and I am not sure what I should do or how to get things under control. Even little things set me off these days, like if it takes my 8 year old too long to get dressed for school, etc. I am at a loss. Now my daughters kindergarten teacher called and said that she is having several tantrums at school and that she does not seem to have coping mechanisms and thinks that she may need to go to a “special group” with the guidance counselor to help her develop some…feeling like the worst parent EVER! My child is having issues controlling her emotions because I can seem to get it under control. Any thoughts or suggestions?
Thanks
Hello all,
I’m looking for advice on how to stay connected, and grow intimacy and friendship when you’re scared.
To give a brief background, I am a survivor of various kinds of abuse from different people in my life. My father, a childhood friend, an uncle, a boss, an ex-boyfriend. The details don’t really matter; what does is that it leaves me fearful in relationships now. I’ve been through therapy, medication, and mindfulness/meditation. All have helped a lot and I’ve healed very much over the past couple years. But I still keep people at a distance, and have a hard time fully trusting even my husband, who is loving and gentle.
I feel like I’m at a place now where I’d like to start growing new friendships, and putting more trust in my husband and family. But I’m scared that trying to be close will trigger painful symptoms like emotional flooding, flashbacks, panic, dissociation. (I have PTSD. It’s well-managed but I can still be triggered.)
I also feel clueless. I don’t know how to explain to others that these things might happen, and it feels selfish to ask them to deal with it. I don’t know how to ask or invite people in HEALTHY ways to be closer.
I’m healing all the time, and things get better slowly but surely. This is my next step. I’m just so scared! Does anyone have any advice? Especially if you’ve dealt with trauma, mental illness or social anxiety before? How did you learn to relate to people? How did you learn to trust? How did you deal with the times that it didn’t work out?