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  • #382970
    C. R. Smith
    Participant

    I’m not sure if this is the right forum for this topic, but here it goes.

    Like many here, I am not happy with my current situation!  I am trying to live a simpler life. I make just enough money to get by. I moved to an inexpensive area so I could more easily live within my means. So I have a really nice house in a nice area for this town, but it is UGLY here. One of my greatest joys in life has been to simply walk in beautiful places. Where I lived previously, every time I made a gratitude list it would mention something about the beautiful sky or the beautiful world. Well, I can’t say that here. I live in Kansas, and it is literally ranked as one of the ugliest states if not the ugliest state in America.  My  backyard and my street are lovely-ish, but that’s about it. it depresses me no matter where I go. I feel like I am living in a dump. I don’t like the grass, I don’t like the dirt, the state is too poor to beautify anything, and it is flat.

    At the same time, I see people here suggesting practicing nonaction and acceptance. I feel I need to move. I do not want to live the rest of my life in an ugly place. BUT I feel extremely anxious at the thought of moving. The other thing is, everywhere else is much more expensive and I would not be able to live as simply anywhere else. My job, which I really don’t like either, is virtual so I can live anywhere.  Another issue is people. There are some wonderfully kind, good people here. But there are a lot of uneducated, foul people, as well. I feel in another state I would be around people I can relate to better. And I am lonely beyond belief (though I seem to be lonely no matter where I live).

    So my question is – how do you know when it is best to just let go and be, and how do you know when you need to make a change? My soul is aching for beauty. Do I listen, or do I quiet that yearning for now?

    Thanks!

    #382648
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Blue:

    Good to read back from you! I am glad that you are practicing yoga, meditation and gratitude. Remember that if you need to talk to me at any time in the future, you are welcome to post. I hope you are having a good night.

    anita

    #382636
    blue
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    All is the same but much better as I come to accept the truth, I practice yoga and meditation to be calm again and I begin to be more acceptive to what happened to me.

    Now I dont think much, I just live and try to practice gratitude for what life bring to me.

    Thanks for your attention.

    Blue

    #382472
    anita
    Participant

    Dear noname:

    What if I take two sentence from every month you posted quite randomly, and see what I get?

    “I’m going to be 25 yo next month, I’m attending grad school for counseling and plan on being a therapist.. I have made a decision to stop pursuing women for the rest of 2017 or at least until I feel as if I’m deserving of love” (March 2017),

    “I am very lonely, despite having a few good friends. I did not realize how much I was suppressing my loneliness with work, school, and exercise until now” (April 2017),

    “I can say with confidence that since I’ve embarked on this journey of falling in love with myself that I am probably happier than I’ve ever been in my 25 years on this planet, I’m excelling in my graduate program, athletically, and have made some good friends in the past year, a complete turn around from having been suicidal for the majority of my life… Attempting to get close to a woman is seriously the scariest thing in my life, it brings up feelings of worthlessness, and quickly makes me feel hopeless with any amount of rejection” (June 2017),

    ” I oscillate between contentment, apathy, and full blown depression on a monthly basis. So I had recently tried dating again and met an awesome woman” (July 2017),

    “I just want to feel as if I’m cared for, but I realize I can’t just ask someone to do this. But the need is immediate, and overwhelming” (August 2017),

    “My depression is worsening mostly due to life circumstances largely out of my control, and I cannot access my therapist because my car’s engine just blew last weekend, and utilizing alternate transportation is unrealistic due to my work and school schedule. I have random crying episodes that sneak up on me and I’m afraid it might happen at school or work” (September 2017),

    “I hate coming on here with seemingly the same issue time after time, but I just cannot feel whole, or satisfied with myself. I see myself as someone who is scarred and damaged beyond repair” (October 2017),

    “I’ve reached a point with myself where no matter how much work I put in, no matter how mindful I am, no matter how motivated I am, I still get chronically depressed.. I get depressed because I’m straight up lonely, especially at night” (June 2018),

    “I’m glad to report I had a good week last week, I was able to see my therapist, which lead to very productive sessions with my own clients later in the same day… The ups and downs frustrate me and I struggle to accept that anytime I am having a good feeling that it will pass, because as we’ve talked about the pain feels like it will never end every time” (July 2018),

    “I’m very uncomfortable with the idea of being in need of love or another person and I’m not sure why. But I feel the need right now for a connection and don’t know what to do about it” (August 2018),

    “Without any particular reason or event, I find myself slipping back into depression. I don’t really have an exact reason why, but I have been feeling disconnected from people again, and as if I’m not getting what I need from the relationships I do have with friends” (September 2018),

    “A month or two ago I went through a 2-3 week period of feeling really good about myself, feeling, believing, and acting as if I was a good person. Somehow that feeling faded when I tried to start be more outgoing and dating again, and the belief that I’m bad tries to take over when I’m vulnerable with people” (October 2018),

    “I go through these cycles it seems of feeling extroverted and confident wanting to invite everyone I meet to my house to hangout or for a meal. Then like clockwork I get depressed and cut myself off and wont leave my house” (November 2018),

    “This feeling of worthlessness is so heavy, I’m beginning to feel more and more hopeless everyday…I think above all else I feel worthless because I feel unimportant and disconnected” (December 2018),

    “This judgment of myself as needy, worthless, and unlovable is why I’m still posting here, & still going to group therapy…I’m so lost right now, I want some relief but cant find it anywhere” (January 2019),

    “I have been feeling more balanced, grateful, worthy, confident, and self loving for the past couple months. My depression has gotten so much more manageable” (February 2019),

    “I have been doing mostly well since my last post with the exception of a recent depression that lasted about 2 weeks and seemed entirely out of my control. I have graduated and will be starting a new job hopefully by the end of the month once I get my license certification” (May 2019),

    “The reason I have avoided SSRI’s is mainly because I saw firsthand the effects that they had on my mother growing up, and the few times I have tried them the side effects were too much for me, lastly I’m not doing everything I possibly can to fight depression” (June 2019),

    “Since I last posted I have been doing in general a lot better than the past couple years… To your point of people living out their childhood experience as an adult, I see this all the time in my work as a therapist and my own experience with it is what makes me a good therapist myself, I have received countless compliments from people how they feel understood for the first time and like things are starting to make sense” (November 2019),

    “I’m overwhelmed by hopelessness and loneliness. This feeling of hopelessness leads to a lot of thoughts of death” (December 2019),

    “My goal for this year is to work on my mental/emotional health and learn peace…I can’t believe how far I’ve come already and I can only imagine how great life can be if I keep working at healing and take care of those wounded parts of myself” (January 2020),

    “I have been somewhat apathetic towards life and unmotivated. I’m still sticking to my routine of meditation, journaling, and exercise regardless” (February 2020),

    “I have been up and down this past week… My sister text me last weekend pleading to unblock my mom and talk with her” (March 2020),

    “Because of my non-communication my mom began going to therapy and is still in it… Since March I have reached an acceptance on an emotional level I haven’t before that for the rest of my life my parents will never be what I need them to be (December 2020),

    “In the past, I was a able to see or feel some glimmer of hope for my future, whether it was being in school, a friendship, or romance. However, right now I see nothing but isolation and it feels terrible to think that is my future, and is keeping me from getting out of bed in the mornings right now” (January 2021),

    “I haven’t been great since I last posted…  was seeing a woman last month and it only lasted a couple dates because at one point when she asked if I was doing okay I unexpectedly broke down in tears” (April 2021),

    “My mind oscillates between feeling cocky, and more frequently feeling worthless…This inner criticism vs. inner flattery is really an interesting dichotomy that I’m trying to solve within myself” (May 2021),

    “I’m still stuck in the cycle of functioning for a few days and crashing into self-hatred, self-harm binges, existential crisis, and hopelessness… My therapist has pointed out to me many times that I need to be in relationship with the ‘I’m not good enough” part of me through the part that feels good enough” (June 2021)

    My thoughts today, July 5, 2021:

    1) You did not post only when you were feeling depressed, but also when you were feeling better. You often expressed gratitude to me, always gracious to me. I appreciate all this.

    2) It may be a good idea for you to get a current professional diagnosis of your mood disorder: it may be depression alone or a bi-polar condition: “I oscillate between contentment, apathy, and full blown depression on a monthly basis… The ups and downs frustrate me… I go through these cycles it seems of feeling extroverted and confident.. Then like clockwork I get depressed.. I’m still stuck in the cycle of functioning for a few days and crashing into self-hatred”).

    3) Following getting a correct, current diagnosis, I think that it’s a good idea for you to re-consider SSRIs or other psychiatric medications because of the following reasons: (a) The therapy you received, your education and experience as a therapist, and all other work that you have done so far- did not lead to experience less depression on an ongoing basis: “No matter how much work I put in, no matter how mindful I am, no matter how motivated I am, I still get chronically depressed”,

    (b) When you feel emotional pain, you feel it too acutely, too intensely (“the pain feels like it will never end every time”), and that intensity overwhelms you (“I’m overwhelmed by hopelessness and loneliness”). I think that every time you feel overwhelmed by acute emotional pain, the progress and healing done before getting overwhelmed- is lost.

    If you took psychiatric medications that will tune down the acuteness of your emotional pain, that is, balance your mood- you will be able to hold on to the healing and progress that you make, and continue the healing process. Instead of the Go! (hopeful, confident, cocky) and Stop! (hopeless, depressed) dynamic of your go-and-stop experience.

    Such medications will probably take away from you the emotional ups that you rarely enjoy (“feeling extroverted and confident.. cocky”), but those ups never led you to ongoing healing, only to sprints of healing followed by stops/ standstills/ reversals.

    anita

     

    #382391

    In reply to: Really struggling

    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hello my friend,

    My name is Wind in Vietnam. I would like to gently share some ideas and questions with you. Everything I share is only to invite your curious quiet contemplation within yourself. If you choose to. After share, everything depends on you to choose this or that.

    Sometimes the door to escape all troubles and suffering is so close my friend, but what blocks each people from walking through it? Because though they may say, They Know. They understand. They can not give up their story that binds them inside to an illusionary self created prison to practice everything.

    I share..

    When was the last time you sat down face to face with yourself and everything in your life before you ran to old habits for an imagined temporary feeling of safety?

    Do you think that when the Death appears, it will care about all your study, wanting, hoping, needing, anxiety, depression, worry, your dreams… and show compassion and time with you?..

    Do you think ‘the time’ is beside you like the friend, waiting with you in all your suffering and wanting?

    Suddenly the Death appear, do you think you can hold and bring all your PhD, doctorates, dreams, worry, anxiety, tablets, wishes and wants through the door?..

    The Death care about your study? You are important with the time and Death?

    My friend… questions are for you to patiently face and contemplate if you choose to. Why the difficult question has value? Because from the question creates occasion for everything to open.

    Now you are the man of 42. Can you answer, what is the law that controls each and every Soul that comes to the life? Why at 42 you are still here but many did not even get past one hour of life?.. What law controls?

    A story..

    One day the man plants a fruit tree in the ground.. A special tree he chose. He like so much. He dreamed of the tree becoming so big and beautiful and many fruit. Each day he water, take care.. Always checking every day its height. The leaves.. Everyday he watching, wanting it to grow. He begins impatiently. Inside him he sees the imaginary tree so big. He begin praying to make it grow and everything will be ok. Inside, he begin all sorts of suffering in the wanting. He can not sleep, always checking, worry something wrong.. He think, why not growing? Is it sick? Too slow, too slow….

    My friend… In this small example story.. Did you see you?

    What is the mistake of the man?

    His mistake is he did not see that the tree must follow the law of tree. That everything takes place according to the Law and on the time, with enough details and conditions, everything appears. Not early or late, but on the time.

    What is the cause of the suffering? From grasping in imaginary outcomes.

    In each imaginary outcome from grasping at what is or not and what if… Each person did become like the man running through the desert trying to keep a piece of ice in their hand.

    The door to escape is to drop all grasping in the wanting. Have you ever tried to catch the space around you in your hand? You will only most certainly tire yourself out.

    From imagine, everyone did invite the appearance of all kinds of illusionary trouble and sickness.

    Now you are the man of 42.. You good mind, study.. do everything for your life.. But you did not understand anything about yourself. And the purpose of the life. Means, in the grasping, you mistake with you.

    What is the nature and root purpose of any job, from a President to a Beggar? Only to earn for ones life. Everything else is only the appearance. And so.. when we lose ourselves to the appearance of the life, we begin to lost ourselves inside.

    Whether the man is happy with the tree growing or angry with the tree not growing does not change the Law of tree. So what happens inside the effect or grasping and wanting? You lose yourself to your emotions that become like strings controlling a puppet. From your dominating emotions attached to the grasping, you volunteer your Soul into slavery. You lost the time becoming attached to the prison of KEEPING. Keeping false ideas, thoughts, opinions, fears.. That develop into all kinds of different names..

    My friend..

    Each persons life is like the fruit tree. And the name of the law that controls each tree is the cause and effect law. No one can know what fruit will or will not appear until it appears. Fruits equal effects.

    Behavior is the most important detail. Behavior with yourself in each moment. As each idea, thought, action becomes the seeds for effects tomorrow or another time. But no matter what.. effects always come right without discrimination.

    So from your grasping, your wanting of this and that… What will be your effect you invite?

    Stay in the purpose of your purpose and cut the habit of grasping. And……….. Everything will take place.

    Relax with your life. The life. How is too relax? Relax means to see everything as it is and accept everything as it is now. You see that like the tree, the life is always moving and changing on the law. That all possibilities appear on the time. You either begin wake up and practice to create space inside by removing all false obstructions, for these possibilities to have the right conditions to grow and develop..

    Or… from your grasping in fears, desires of imagine.. of wanting.. you grow weeds that suffocate the space inside.

    My friend.. No one can imagine that all they need is the courage to NOT KEEP.

    KEEP, may have many different appearances but the effect is always the same. As, what you keep, keeps you. Now at 42… You must (must means if you choose to) begin wake up and see the limit of all things and the deeper value of the life.

    Even if I wrap my body around the tree in fear or happiness.. Does not change the Law of tree.

    I borrow an example from early in my life to describe idea… As my Father died.. when he knew he was going to die at 26.. He said, ‘It’s ok’

    Inside Its ok, has the big lesson my friend past the appearance. Means, inside the nature of Its ok, is a complete acceptance of ones life. Its ok mean, we are not against the circumstances of our life. We accept everything that is or is not and peace and balance in any situation that comes or not come.

    My friend.. from 2 small words you can see the great value if you can quietly inside and put the idea beside your life. Whether the job appears now, or a year.. Its ok my friend.  You only stay in good purpose, good behavior with yourself in each moment. You do everything good in prepare and courage and confidence in each step… Then you will see, that everything will take place.

    Must courage to get of the wheel of habit like the mouse run and run.. But did never go anywhere. The wheel of always a slave to emotions. And begin see everything from another corner. The space of awareness. Awareness burns the dark inner clouds of emotions. The life has many appearances.. but all suffering regardless of the appearances come back to the emotional attachment to grasping in the life.

    Not one tablet, not one worry, not one moment of lost sleep, not one imagined outcome… can add one second to your life my friend. I have… I am.. I want… are all small prisons for the Soul.

    All attached to emotions…that run deep like the roots of a tree.

    Begin to overcome yourself by opening your hands with the life. Begin practice gratitude in each action. as gratitude creates the space for balance in the acceptance of your life. The value only appears in the positive action.

    All your fears, are the effect from your View. As by the view you use, so it exists exactly. Grasping in the appearance of imagine, dominated by emotions we become like a person searching for keys in a dark room.

    Where is the light my fiend? The light is your awareness. Awareness needs energy. You have awareness but not the energy because your so busy with your emotions, which are like a thief that continuously robbed you in broad daylight  but you did not see.

    These words can not save you. Do not attach to the words but focus on the content inside.

    As……Only you can save you or destroy you.

    So I share..

    You must courage to begin drop all grasping. Drop all grasping does not mean we lost purpose. But inside the purpose we see the limit of the life. Of all things. The movement of the life.

    We see at the same time, that the purpose of the life is to pay and receive equal with our cause and effect. To practice to grow up our Soul and awareness and overcome everything. To release the grasp on illusionary objects and outcomes that become our false idea of real and continue to lead the soul deeper into confusion.

    My friend.. Now at 42… If you can quietly with ideas. You have the great occasion before you. The life always has 2 faces…  That is the law of the physical space we live. When everyone stands in happy, means sad waits. Everyone says, I love, means hate waits. Everything feels so good, means the face of bad waits.. All from emotions attached to a discriminative View.

    When you have the courage my friend to face to face with YOU. You life. Not an imagined life from, WHAT IF. And begin fresh steps towards putting everything down inside. Letting go of all grasping attached to false thinking and ideas.

    Put down the inner discriminations and judgements of everything is either good or bad and just see everything as it is.. And practice inside the idea of ITS OK.

    You can not imagine… the possibilities that will begin to appear inside. They were always there… just like the Sun is always bright.. even when obstructed by dark clouds.

    Now is the good time for you to begin forget an imaginary past and bring your eyes back into your own eyes to see everything that is right now. To awake in each step.

    I share from sincere experience. You must choose. You continue to push up your story of difficult to be your illusionary prison of real. Lost in the circle of talking and repeat.

    Or… you begin focus on clearing and cleaning everything inside and put down your attachments to wanting. Begin the courage to break up everything. Like a fire burns a forest of all dead wood and creates the fresh occasion for the new to appear.

    Everything wait for you my friend. The life wait for you. Your possibilities wait for you. All you need to practice is to release your strangle hold on all your grasping and wanting and needing and imagined outcomes and come back to yourself in sincere acceptance of NOW.

    Once there was this Lion. She had a cub. She was starving and the cub too. Each day she was hunting but kept missing. After miss, she just rested quietly under the shade.. wait for tomorrow.. days passed.. she kept missing.. starving.. But, after miss.. always relax in shade. Save energy. On the time, when everything connected.. She caught they prey. Her situation change.

    Like you my friend.. Do not scare…

    Must courage to peace in the unknown. peace in the uncertainty. Courage in the not knowing. Drop all grasping.

    So.. on the time when all the right right conditions and details appear.. You are ready with the energy you need to do everything equal with the occasion. Confident. Balanced. Faith from your positive actions.

    Its ok. Everything will take place. It is your duty to overcome you. That is the duty of the man to overcome everything.

    My friend.. These ideas should only be seen like strange rocks on the path of your life. To curious, to see, pick up, understand and practice is always your free choice.

    As each life, depending each person courage to self perfect = each destination.

    I wish you good luck.

    Thank you so much,

    Wind.

     

     

     

     

     

     

    #382219

    In reply to: Please help :-(

    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hello my friend, My name is Wind. In Vietnam. I would like to put some ideas and questions for you. You do not need answer me. I invite you to quietly contemplate within yourself. I do not say my ideas are right or wrong.. I only share..

    Example.. One day.. You wake up normally. peaceful in your life.

    Then, I suddenly bring a brand new car to your house. You did not have a car.. Now I bring for you. After you see the object, you begin full emotions with object.. love, like, excited etc…

    Then suddenly after some weeks or months you wake up and it is gone. I take it from you.

    You begin all sorts of suffering about it.. worry, stress, wanting, look for, anger etc…

    My friend..

    Only example.. But, your behavior with yourself about the man or that man, is no different from your behavior with the example.. Only different appearance of an object but inside FULL EMOTIONS with object.

    Meaning, all suffering is the cause of attachment to any object outside of us. Object meaning, car, money, friends, man.. etc..

    Why you lost yourself and volunteer to become the like the beggar and slave of your own emotions to the unbalanced behavior of another?

    Where are you? You lost you.

    Careful my friend. As each person carries the seed of their cause and effect. Emotion, possesses emotion. From can not overcome the emotion of possess, of keep, or controlling and wanting.. You begin invite many troubles that will appear on the time.

    Emotions are often used like the knife my friend. To control and possess. You are the woman of 33. You are not teenager.

    Suddenly you whole life, now become depended upon the this object? This person. You are the slave of the object my friend. Is that the purpose of your life? What is the purpose of your life?

    I share.. You can not know what waits in another to appear on the time. We can share, be compassionate.. But we must careful not to lost ourselves in the process. otherwise, you only mistake with you.

    Covid is like the big light that open everything within everyone from always needing and wanting the attachment to objects outside of them and can not balance in alone. Covid is only the occasion for everything to appear in each person.

    Come back my friend.. Come back to yourself. You must respect your life and Soul. Or, you continue to chase the object like a mouse running on a wheel. You slowly destroy yourself.

    We must courage to see the cause and effect law in each person. Means, you must use awareness to see what will be your effect if you can not overcome your emotions of attachment. The life gave you a door to exit from the situation but.. from your needing and wanting you missed and keep going deeper into suffering.

    Now the man fall on the floor, do this and that.. control you like the puppet on the string. I do not judge him but, you must wake up my friend. Or.. you must ready for everything that will come and appear on the time. And.. TOO LATE, did become the name everyone.

    Peace inside is very simple if you have the courage to cut everything within and drop it.

    The basic law in the life is that when something begins, means it must end. This man come, means on the time he go and another appear = Of Course!

    Must courage inside. TO STOP. Only you can save you. Come back.. come back to yourself. Come back to gratitude and balance from seeing where the real value of the life is. Come back and clear and clean everything inside and maybe you can begin curious and discover some meditation. 33 is good time for you. Begin discover something new. Begin come back to the house of awareness and confidence to stand straight before yourself. Not like a beggar before another.

    I see this situation is very dirty my friend. Of course, it is your effect from your behavior. Meaning, only your behavior with yourself can open the door for you to escape and overcome yourself. Win YOU.

    You think you have the time… But you can not imagine.. As the time never cares anyone. But inside the self created prison of suffering you invited to appear.. My friend.. You lost the time.

    Must see the limit in all things. Now is a wonderful occasion for you to begin to meet yourself again and get to know you. I share sincerely and straight… My friend.. must courage to stop.

    Respect that the purpose of your life is to grow up your soul and discover your life. This IS YOUR DUTY.

    Your purpose is not to become an emotional slave to yourself or the delusional behavior of another.

    Come back… Come back.. it is ok. Courage.. confidence. The life always moves and changes. Understand when it is ENOUGH.

    When your emotions attack you.. You practice to only observe but not follow. Like storms that appear in the night.. We only sit and wait for everything to pass. Of course, emotions, like the weather all follow the time. Begin and end.

    look for your purpose. Find a purpose for you life NOW. And take positive action. ACTION. The value only appears in the action. Cut, put down, clear and clean everything inside and forget everything.

    otherwise, your life will become like that of a person running through the desert trying to keep a piece of ice in their hand.

    Many, many possibilities wait you. Clean possibilities. Wait you. Ready with you. Take some time my friend to discover YOU again.. and I tell you sincerely.. like a flower.. on the time with enough details and conditions.. Everything will open.

    The life life always takes place from within.

    By the view you use, so it exists exactly.

    Courage in each step. No one ever climbed a mountain walking backwards look down.

    Thank you so much.

    Wind.

     

     

     

     

    #382004

    In reply to: Comparison

    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hello my friend..

     

    My name is Wind. I live in Vietnam.

     

    I share some ideas with you.. Ideas are only for your quiet contemplation.

     

    The nature of comparing yourself, your life..

    Comes from a discriminatory View.

     

    And what is the effect from your comparing?

    Only suffering.

     

    My friend..

     

    What is the root purpose of any job in the life from a President to a Beggar?

    Only to earn for one’s life.

     

    The cause of your suffering is your emotions attached to the appearance of the life.

     

    Have you ever seen a flower compare itself with another?

    The nature of the flower is to grow up, look for the light, open and share unconditionally.

     

    Become like the flower my friend.

     

    Your life and everything within it is the appearance of your effect. Each life follows the Law of cause and effect.

     

    For example..

     

    Suddenly tomorrow your brother becomes sick and must die.. Do you still think his life was wonderful ?..

     

    Keep your eyes in your own eyes my friend.

     

    Come back to the simplicity of seeing the purpose of your life.

     

    That is.. To grow up your Soul and awareness and pay everything equal with the Law of your cause and effect.

    Remove the comparison. Replace it with gratitude. Accept everything.

     

    From imagination of what you think your life is or is not.. You destroy your own possibilities that are always waiting inside to be discovered.

     

    When we lose the purpose of our life. Meaning.. When we don’t see that without the body the Soul did not have any occasion to practice grow up and develop. This is a common cause of all suffering and delusion.

     

    My friend.. It’s ok.

    Its ok means.. You sincerely accept yourself and your circumstances. Once you accept everything that is or is not..

    You can peace inside. From peace inside you balance. From balance you come back to clarity. From clarity you can begin curious and touch fresh ideas and begin discovering your life and new possibilities.

     

    You are lucky. But you don’t see it.

    Because your habit is to look out. You mistake with yourself and do not see yourself clearly.

     

    Husband.. Brother.. Dogs.. Are all objects outside of you. Meaning.. They are not you.

     

    Your duty is to discover everything that waits inside. Following the appearance of the life is like running through the desert of your life trying to keep a piece of ice in your hand.

     

    Come back to the space of gratitude. The, you will begin seeing fresh paths appearing.

     

    Must confidence. Courage. To keep moving with the life.

    What happened to stagnant water?

    It becomes polluted over time..

    So too the Soul when we begin keeping ideas and opinions from false seeing.

     

    Everything is OK my friend. Don’t keep.

     

    My friend..

     

    Nobody ever has anything. Having is an illusion. Everything in the life is only a temporary condition.

     

    When was the last time you woke up and said good morning with yourself?

     

    When was the last time you said good night with yourself?

     

    You are here. In your life. Now.

    Put down the comparing and you will come back to yourself. Clear and clean everything inside like you clean the mirror in your house.

     

    Clean means.. Put down your emotions attached to an imaginary life that is not yours. You are here. Because your Soul chose everything.

     

    You practice to grow up your life and Soul or you practice to grow down always depends on you.

     

    Where you put your energy is where you will go. Energy is important detail. To overcome everything.

     

    Behaviour with yourself in each moment are the seeds of tomorrow.

     

    Become your own best friend. Patience. Acceptance. Compassion. Listen inside. Confidence. Courage.

     

    I share sincerely..

     

    Grow weeds or flowers inside depends on your View.

     

    Must courage to discover your life. When we just exist.. We live with one foot in the grave.

     

    Living requires great courage to face to face with everything that is or is not.

     

    Keep going. The life always moves and changes. Don’t judge yourself or discrimination with yourself.

     

    Peace my friend. Rekax with the life. Yourself.

    Everything will take place.

     

    In quiet and stillness everything Opens.

     

    Come back to yourself is the journey of each life. To become awake inside. Discover.

     

    Each life equals each destinatio

    My friend..

     

    Its ok. Keep going. No right. No Wrong.

     

    Curious is a special garden.

    The life takes place from within.

    Wind.

     

    #381991
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hello my friend..

     

    My name is Wind from Vietnam.

    I share some ideas with you.

    I don’t say you must believe or not believe my share. Depends you. You free.

    I only invite your curious patient contemplation.

     

    Without the body, the Soul does not have an occasion to practice grow up and pay everything.

     

    Each life, yours, mine, family etc..

    All follow the Law of cause and effect.

    Each comes to the life to receive this and that.. 5 years. 40 years. 50.. 70. Etc..

     

    But because of emotions attached to the appearance of the life.. Many did not see the basic law.. that if something begins..

    Means it must end.

    Everything takes place on the time.

     

    Example.. Your Mother can not escape her cause and effect. Suffering comes from an attachment to the appearance. But.. If you can focus your attention on your Mother’s nature… Then you can peace inside with her passing. As I share.. Only the appearance has finished but Soul of your Mother continues on the Law of the Soul.

     

    The body is always a temporary house for each Soul. The purpose of the life is to practice grow up the Soul to escape the spinning of repeating.

     

    You are correct. Emotions always spin. All emotions move to follow the Law of the time. From one to the next. Happy. Sad. Angry. Love. Depression. Excited..

    Always moving..

     

    What can stop the spinning?

    Practice to come back to awareness.

    Awareness is seeing in quiet.

    Practice to observe your thoughts as left unchecked they become like the match that lights the emotion and from the emotion you only see that emotion and follow.

     

    I don’t say it’s easy or difficult to practice. But you must courage. To put down your attachments to the past.

    As what you keep.. Keeps you.

     

    Only awareness can burn the dark clouds of emotion that block the light of your pure bright nature. Just because the Sun is not seen, did not mean it was lost.

     

    Maybe it is a good time in your life to practice some meditation. If you choose to discover it.

     

    You are also lucky but you don’t realize it.

     

    The life has given you many examples. From the loss of people around you and the feelings of overcoming everything in alone.

     

    Now you must see… That..

    Only YOU can save YOU.

     

    Everything that takes place outside you..

    Is not you. But because of your attachment to everything outside.. You invite suffering to come.

     

    My friend..

     

    If you can courage to see your life from another corner.. You will see that the life has shown you clearly that everything is a temporary condition. Your duty is to wake up in the temporary and grow up your life and Soul.

     

    Face to face with everything as what comes or does not come is always equal with your own cause and effect. When you can begin seeing this Law and understanding deeper.. You will discover great confidence and courage in your life. Balance.

     

    As the life always moves and changes.

    The life is always ready with those who have the courage to live.

    Existing requires no courage at all.

    But to live.. Ready with everything unconditionally requires great courage and in each step of experience one discovers their own Faith.

     

    Compassion begins with yourself.

    When we keep the past means we are losing ourselves to an imaginary past.

    When we worry about the future means we are losing ourselves to an imaginary future.

     

    Come back to the simplest.

    Gratitude. Grateful. For everything that is or is not. Your life is the appearance of your effect. Behaviour today is your effect tomorrow.

     

    No matter how high the mountain it can only be reached one step at a time.

    Awake in each step. Confidence in each step. Courage in each step.

     

    Don’t keep my friend.

    Like water that is stagnant becomes polluted over time. So too does the Soul when keeping emotions within.

     

    Your duty is to discover your life.

    Inside you is a great treasure.

    The treasure is awareness.

     

    Discover your treasure depends upon your courage and self determination to grow up your Soul. Your life.

    As you begin to put down your emotional attachments to holding and keeping the appearance of your difficulties.. you slowly begin removing the obstructions that block your treasure.

     

    Theres no where to go my friend.

    The journey is in the coming back to your original bright pure nature.

     

    My friend.. Again I share..

     

    Without the body.. Your Soul has no occasion to practice grow up and pay.

     

    Each situation is an occasion for you to practice to overcome yourself. Win you.

     

    Discover meditation.. It is the gym for your Soul. It is the practice to come back to stillness. In the stillness we can wash the mind of all false seeing and thinking.

    Where there is a beginning. Mean that on the time an ending must appear. All objects can not escape the Law of the time.

     

    I wish you good luck on your path.

     

    From my experience.. From passing through many dark forests and visiting many hells.. That on the time everything changes.

     

    The biggest tree in the forest began as a seed.

     

    Each of us must become the brave warrior inside.

     

    Start to observe the life.

    Compassion and forgiveness with yourself in each step. Ready in each step.

     

    By the View you use, so it exists exactly.

     

    My friend..

     

    Keep going. Curious is a special door that can lead one back to the treasure within.

     

    And.. Like each flower..

     

    On the time.. With enough details and conditions.. Everything Opens

     

    Likewise within your Soul.

     

    Relax my friend.

     

    Everything is OK.

     

    Everything will take place.

     

    Wind.

     

    #381695
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    My friend..

     

    Take some time to quietly contemplate the ideas I shared with you..

    Over time. Gently. Patience.

    Until you understand clearly.

     

    As I only write one time to share.

     

    I share sincerely..

     

    Your body, your form and appearance are all equal with your cause and effect without any discrimination.

     

    Meaning..

     

    Everything that you are in this life is the appearance of your effects from past seeds you had planted in other lives. Yes.

     

    The Law of cause and effect does not discriminate and effects always come right in each person. Rich. Poor. Healthy. Sick. Man. Woman. Country. Circumstances. Etc.. Etc..

     

    When you can slowly begin seeing and understanding this in your life, you will stop your mad mind from comparing yourself with other objects. (people)

     

    As each other person is also the appearance of their own effects.

     

    What Tree, ever compared itself with another?

     

    What flower ever cared about the appearance of other flowers?

     

    Whether you were 1 foot tall or 1000 feet tall..

    The appearance of what you are is always a temporary condition that always has limit.

    As all objects follow the time.

     

    But you must wake up and see that your nature within your form is free from all of these limitations.

     

    It is not your body that is the cause of your suffering. It is your false seeing and discriminating limited view about yourself, from not understanding yourself and the purpose of your life.

     

    The only way to escape your suffering is to begin completely and sincerely accepting everything that is you in this life.

    Keep your eyes in your own eyes.

     

    Why do you discriminate against yourself?

     

    Don’t you realize that everything you compare yourself with is outside of you. Meaning.. It’s not you.

     

    All your troubles come from your emotions attached to the appearance of the life and yourself.

     

    My friend..

     

    Each person comes to the life to receive this or that.

    Your duty is to behave correctly with what you recieved.. your body.

     

    Meaning.. Without the body your Soul has no occasion to pay, and practice grow up and overcome everything.

     

    When you attack yourself or are against yourself means you mistake with yourself. Only you.

    You are attacking your own cause and effect.

     

    You must courage and confidence to begin put down your own inner discriminations and judgements. And..False views.

     

    Bring your attention back on the purpose of your life.

     

    On developing your nature from within.

    The life always takes place from within.

     

    You must choose.

    In each moment.

     

    Either..

     

    Continue to suffer from your delusional ideas and behaviours..

     

    Or begin stand up inside yourself and face your life as it is. Self respect.

     

    You must unite within yourself with yourself and start walking along the path of your life with courage and self acceptance.

     

    Remove the discrimination from within your own eyes and you will begin see the great value of your life and possibilities.

     

    Otherwise..

     

    You waste time. Lost time.

    And my friend.. Respect yourself and the time is an important detail.

    Instead of attacking the life and yourself..

    Start practicing gratitude and unity from within.

     

    My friend..

     

    I tell you from Enlightenment View.

    That the only great body is no ‘Body’

     

    Meaning..

     

    One day.. Your inner nature becomes so bright, pure and powerful.. You only laugh with the life.

     

    You see all objects are equal. Meaning.. They all have a beginning and an ending. Limit.

     

    My friend..

     

    You stay in the weeds of your false perception..

     

    Or..

     

    You begin to practice and become the great Mountain from within.

     

    Where you choose to place your energy.

    Depends on you.

    Its ok.

    Keep goingmy friend.

    Courage. Confidence.

    You must become your own best friend in each step.

     

    Good luck.

     

    Wind.

    #381628

    In reply to: Have Another Child?

    Anonymous
    Inactive

    My friend..

     

    Your suffering and stress is the effect from your imagination to ‘WHAT IF.’

     

    What is the nature of WHAT IF? Means if we must use WHAT IF. Then it is not your life.

     

    I share..

     

    Right now everything is OK. See everything as it is right now. Now you have a child. Let go of the number. See you have a child. And.. Everything is taking place equally with your current circumstances.

     

    When you see everything clearly that IS.. You can begin relax inside, peace, from the storm of emotions from your imagination of how things should be or must be.

     

    You allow the life to move freely without losing so much energy gasping in fears or self created expectations.

     

    My friend when you compare yourself or your families situation with another you only mistake with yourself. When you are looking out at what others are doing or did.

     

    Your inner suffering is the effect from not allowing everything to take place naturally. There is no wrong or right way.

    Your fears of regrets come from keeping a fixed idea of how things should be.

     

    Come back to the space of gratitude in everything that you have together now as a family.

    Focus on your own family and not the habits and behaviours of others.

    Relax with the life. Your life. Relax means come back to the present and grateful for the child you have. Don’t lose yourself to an imaginary future or past.

    Must courage. Confidence.

    Ready with the life.

    Courage and confidence in yourself no matter which way everything goes.

    You can overcome anything.

    Peace my friend. Peace in everything and gratitude for what you have. Now.

    No need to force the life.

    Practice to put down your emotions and fears attached to your imagined outcomes and you will be able balance again.

    When you balance, and the spinning of emotions slows down.. You come back to calm inside..

    See clearly again without the obstructions from false thinking.

     

    Everything will take place.

    The way will appear naturally on the time.

    My friend.

    Balance.

    Its ok.

     

     

     

     

     

     

    #381583
    Roops
    Participant

    Dear Triss,

    A bad relation is quite painful and to let go is the best thing you can do. Don’t feel bad for your self. Be emotionally strong as you are not alone in this world. control behavior is questioning your freedom. No soul loves to be bound , its the nature of every one to have their own freedom. Only when you are free you get to develop your true potential while living in a boundary will only suffocate you. Give it some time, dont take an haste decisions, time will show you the way. Think positively and develop gratitude to your self. Dont go back now and keep a space with him and if you are fated to be together everything will work fine if not this is not the end of everything. Move on with your head raised and live your life proudly.  You deserve the Best.

    #381553
    Peter
    Participant

    This close to the experience it may be difficult to detach the emotions from the analysis of the experience and learn from it.  Detachment here does not mean not feeling the emotions you have only that you avoid attaching your sense of self to them. We have emotions we are not our emotions. We have experience’s we are not our experiences. (That can be a hard one to grasp, as its all to easy to define ourselves and or be defined by a single experience. )

    You are not a ‘bad’ person because you feel bad or have done hurtful things to others. We all struggle and we all hurt the ones we care about most sometimes. Relationships are a crucible which will revel our best and worst qualities.  Shadow work (often projected onto the other) and mindfulness can help us separate the things that belong to us and the things that belong to our partner. Forgiveness, accountability, responsibility… are all tools that help us develop the ability to learn better, and learning better do better.

    Sadly its a reality that it is often the pain of a relationship ending the pushes us to do the work that might have saved the relationship.

    My experience and observations is that their is a tipping point when the past of a relationship becomes so heavy that only those where both those involved have truly learned to know themselves AND a have developed the art of Forgiveness AND have above, above average ability to communicate can over come. (Depending on those factors (and others) every relationship has a different tipping point that love, as understood in that experience, cannot over come. )  Love pushes towards life and growth, when the tipping point has been reached, LOVE may require a relationship to end if only to push us.

    Their is a lot to unpack in your post, a lot that you might learn from. Keep writing. Keep a look out for your victim and villain story’s. These types of stories can shine a light on our own projections and fears, areas that might require work.

    Other questions you might ask. Where in the relationship did you feel safe? Did you react or respond to you partner when you felt unsafe?  How so? How did your partner respond or react to you when they felt unsafe? Where your boundaries healthy ones?  How many of your boundaries were defined by fear and how many maintained by love? (Using the energy of fear and anger to maintain boundaries may be easier then using the energy of love. At least that has been my experience. )

    I wish you well on your journey. Its sounds so odd… but LOVE opens the door to being able to be grateful for the very things you wished never happened.

    From a interview of Stephen Colbert

    “…he is the youngest of eleven kids and … his father and two of his brothers, Peter and Paul, the two closest to him in age, were killed in a plane crash when he was 10.”

    “I learned to love the thing that I most wish had not happened.”

    I asked him if he could help me understand that better, and he described a letter from Tolkien in response to a priest who had questioned whether Tolkien’s mythos was sufficiently doctrinaire, since it treated death not as a punishment for the sin of the fall but as a gift. “Tolkien says, in a letter back: ‘What punishments of G_d are not gifts?’ ”

    Colbert knocked his knuckles on the table. “ ‘What punishments of G_d are not gifts?’ ” he said again. His eyes were filled with tears. “So it would be ungrateful not to take everything with gratitude. It doesn’t mean you want it. I can hold both of those ideas in my head.”

    He was 35, he said, before he could really feel the truth of that. He was walking down the street, and it “stopped me dead. I went, ‘Oh, I’m grateful. Oh, I feel terribleI felt so guilty to be grateful’. But I knew it was true.

    It’s not the same thing as wanting it to have happened,” he said. “But you can’t change everything about the world. You certainly can’t change things that have already happened.”

    Consider that this is coming from a man who millions of people will soon watch on their televisions every night—if only there were a way to measure the virality of this, which he’ll never say on TV, I imagine, but which, as far as I can tell, he practices every waking minute of his life.

    The next thing he said I wrote on a slip of paper in his office and have carried it around with me since. It’s our choice, whether to hate something in our lives or to love every moment of them, even the parts that bring us pain. “At every moment, we are volunteers.”

     

     

    #381283

    In reply to: Am I too old?

    fredrickk655
    Participant

    Hiya

    I had a baby 6 weeks ago at the age of 41!<span class=”Y2IQFc” lang=”en”>at that time i was working through <span data-sheets-value=”{"1":2,"2":"employee monitoring"}” data-sheets-userformat=”{"2":4477,"3":{"1":0},"5":{"1":[{"1":2,"2":0,"5":{"1":2,"2":0}},{"1":0,"2":0,"3":3},{"1":1,"2":0,"4":1}]},"6":{"1":[{"1":2,"2":0,"5":{"1":2,"2":0}},{"1":0,"2":0,"3":3},{"1":1,"2":0,"4":1}]},"7":{"1":[{"1":2,"2":0,"5":{"1":2,"2":0}},{"1":0,"2":0,"3":3},{"1":1,"2":0,"4":1}]},"8":{"1":[{"1":2,"2":0,"5":{"1":2,"2":0}},{"1":0,"2":0,"3":3},{"1":1,"2":0,"4":1}]},"9":1,"11":4,"15":"Arial"}”>employee monitoring.</span></span>We started trying to conceive several years ago and in the end we used an egg donor and had IVF. I have quite a few friends who had babies in their late 30s/early 40s. Some conceived naturally and others sought fertility treatment. Another adopted two beautiful boys at the age of 45. If you really want it to happen there are so many options now so don’t feel sad about your age. Just focus on what you can do to find joy in the future. Its wonderful you are in a relationship with someone who also wants to be a parent! However you have kids, they will be so lucky to have a parent who wanted them so much and has all that life experience to share…

    It’s really tough feeling like time is going too fast but there are lots of different routes to a family and a happy life. Personally I am so grateful to be able to hold my son in my arms and full of love and gratitude to any women who choose to donate eggs.

    Stay positive  x x x

    span class="Y2IQFc" lang="en">"Just focus on what you can do to find joy in the future", very important words ... thank you for writing</span>
    #381221
    Anna
    Participant

    Hello! This is my first ever post, although I’ve loved this site for years. My partner committed financial infidelity and disclosed it to me recently. I never even knew the term “financial infidelity” existed until he told the debt he accrued and lied to me about for years. It’s been helpful to have a term for it as it absolutely feels like infidelity, but of course not the traditional “infidelity” that we think about.

    There’s grief that our relationship has shifted, there’s fear that now I know he can lie that well for that long, there’s feelings of great betrayal. And then there’s hope that he’s working on himself and we’re working together as a team on more open communication in all areas of the relationship. Either way, it’s very hard to process this.

    Any advice? Anyone else who has experienced this and came through with a stronger relationship?

    I feel like I’m playing many roles. I’m healing myself, while processing the anger towards him, while being active in couples therapy with a team approach, while just digesting all of it.

    Any guidance would be helpful. Thank you. Gratitude to you all.

    #380923

    In reply to: End off the Road!!

    I found some journaling prompts for you that are more positive:

    33 Prompts to Promote Optimism and Health on Positive Thinking Day

    1. What is something that always puts you in a good mood?
    2. What is the best way to lift someone else’s spirits?
    3. Do you consider yourself to be an optimist? Why or why not?
    4. Create a morning mantra for yourself that you could use to start each day off right. Write about what it means to you.
    5. Do you believe that setting a good intention for your day can help you have a better day? Why or why not?
    6. Imagine your perfect day and write about what it would look like.
    7. Write about a time when a situation that seemed bad turned out okay in the end.
    8. Make a gratitude list of everything you’re thankful for this week. Then, choose one thing to write about in detail.
    9. Who is the most positive person you know? How do you feel when you are around him or her?
    10. What are a few small things you could do to have a more positive attitude?
    11. What is your favorite thing about yourself? Write about how it impacts your life.
    12. Did you know that positive thinking can be good for your physical health? Why do you think this is?
    13. What is the nicest thing someone has ever said about you? How did it make you feel?
    14. What would you do if your best friend needed to be cheered up?
    15. It’s only human to make mistakes! Write about a time when you could have used this reminder.
    16. Try to keep a smile on your face for as much of the day as possible. Then, write about your experience.
    17. Do you find it easy to express your feelings? Why or why not?
    18. What can you do today to make someone else’s day a little better?
    19. Make a list of positive “I am…” statements that you can read to yourself when you’re feeling sad.
    20. When you’re in a bad mood or feeling tired, do you prefer to be left alone or spend time with others? Why?
    21. People say, “Every cloud has a silver lining.” What does this phrase mean to you?
    22. What do you like to do to make yourself feel better when you’re feeling down? Why?
    23. What inspires you to be a better person? Why?
    24. Who can you turn to when you need advice or support? How will that person help you?
    25. Does your home feel like a positive environment to you? Why or why not?
    26. What is one negative thing you could easily eliminate from your life?
    27. Think of one nice thing you can do for a stranger today. Then, write about what you will do.
    28. Write about a time when you used positive thinking to reframe a negative situation.
    29. Spend a day doing things more slowly. Then, write about your experience and any changes to your mood that you noticed.
    30. Think of something that scares you. Then, consider a reason you don’t need to be scared of it and write about your thoughts.
    31. What is one healthy habit you could maintain each day that would have a positive effect on your life?
    32. People say, “Laughter is the best medicine.” What is something that always makes you laugh?  Does it make you feel better when you are upset?
    33. Think of something that has bothered you lately. Do you think you will still care about it in a month?  Or in a year?  Why or why not?
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