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  • #43549

    In reply to: Gratitude

    Alexey Sunly
    Participant

    That’s wonderful to hear 🙂 Now, you can start learning how to help others who might be stuck in the same situation like you were ❗

    #43546

    In reply to: Gratitude

    Matt
    Participant

    Namaste Crissy! Its great to hear from you, and I’m so glad you’re blossoming. Hugs to you, sister.

    With warmth,
    Matt

    #43541

    Topic: Gratitude

    in forum Purpose
    Crissy
    Participant

    Hi there,

    A few months ago, I had turned to the Tiny Buddha community because I could no longer bare the pain I was in. I had a very dark past and I was so lost in the trauma of it all, I finally HAD to reach out.
    After spending my entire life with an enormous weight on my shoulders, I did what I had never done before and I shared the shame. And I couldn’t be more grateful that this community was here for me to do that!!
    The kind users who responded to my desperate post helped me change my life. The way I had existed instantly began to shift. It was one of the most PROFOUND days of my entire life. The dark was suddenly ILLUMINATED by the brightest light- Love. The love and kindness of the people in this community.
    I am still continuously growing and shifting, but I now have clarity. I just wanted to share that.
    Thank you from the very bottom of my heart. I’m so grateful for Tiny Buddha.

    Namaste!
    Crissy

    #43385
    Lindsay
    Participant

    I recently started a gratitude journal. I keep it by my bed, and every night I write down one thing I am grateful for. Sometimes it’s family or a great boss. Sometimes it’s just the pretty clouds on my drive home during rush hour. I think it helps. Now I notice more small things… like being grateful that my body is able to go for a run (even if it kicked my tush), a tree that I have walked by every day for 3 years but never really noticed until now, etc. Being grateful for the big things like loved ones is awesome for a less obvious reason… because it has helped me express my gratitude to them more. And you can tell that they really appreciate it. Just like me, they are bustling around all day and you see them light up when you tell them how much you appreciate something about them. But I also think being grateful for the tiny little things makes life more pleasant on a moment to moment basis.

    #43367
    John
    Participant

    What a great question!

    Gratitude is like a muscle – we’re all born with it, but if you don’t lose it, you lose it and so it needs to be exercised.

    At first it’s going to be hard, don’t try to lift too much weight too fast. The list you have going is already a fantastic start. Keep a gratitude journal and start writing down every day the things you’re grateful for, no matter how small or big, how insignificant or major.

    Nothing lasts forever, but appreciating what you have today will ensure you enjoy it and make the most of it while it’s here.

    All the best. 🙂

    #42510

    In reply to: Work

    Elms
    Participant

    Hey Jeff,

    I know the feeling, I’ve been doing IT work my entire career. I recall a job I once had where I was bored out of my mind. So much that I felt like I was losing a little of myself each day I showed up. But it turns out, it wasn’t the job itself that was killing me, it was me. I wanted something different for myself and every day I showed up was a constant reminder of how I wasn’t doing just that. So instead of looking inside myself I blamed my job. If you’ve been there for a while, maybe you need to change things up. Maybe its the pay, the people you work with, the feeling of not being valued or the lack of gratitude from the company you work for. I don’t want to sound like I’m rubbing it in, but my current job is quite nice and I’m content to be here. The odd thing is, I sit at my desk and do very little work just like my old job.

    You can try to be creative and find ways to make your current job more enjoyably. Since you work from home, you have so many options. Work in the garage if you’re a car guy or build something with your hands. Enjoy the opportunity you get to spend with your daughter because you could lose that with another job. I assume you have a work cell so just keep it in your pocket and forget about it until it rings. Ask yourself where your issues are coming from. Is it the job or is there something unsettling inside you? Can you do something about it? If so, what’s stopping you? Write your thoughts down it will help them flow out. Plus you’ll always have a copy of them to look back on so you don’t forget.

    Just be honest with yourself. Talk to your boss and let him know how you feel. That would be a good start I think.

    Good luck.

    #42269
    Aiman
    Participant

    Firstly, thank you very much for being honest and detailed. I’m learning from what you’ve said, there’s much to wring out. Secondly, if you can, would you please elaborate this message further more “We develop an authentic humility, which trades fragile self-esteem for authentic confidence. When we accept that our continued practice and dedication to mindfulness and compassion turn us into an effective bucket, clarify the gift we pour”.

    I’ve come across the word self nurturing for the first time, I do meditate and listen to soft music but I often (usually when I’m listening to music) feel as if I’m doing it out of self-pity i.e I’m being self-centered. What do you actually mean by self nurturing?

    With gratitude,
    Aiman

    #42160

    In reply to: Abandoned?

    Matt
    Participant

    Allie,

    Your pain and confusion is very reasonable, and I’m sorry form your grieving. It makes sense why you would be in the habit of wanting him to be happy, and spending your time thinking about him being happy. You were together for a long time. Now when your heart wants him to be happy, “SHE” is intermixed, and the jealousy and hurt feelings come along.

    Which is normal for grief, and it heals over time. I think you’re mistakenly assuming that he is just “over it” and has moved on. The odd texts and emails prove otherwise. However, it also seems clear he doesn’t want to reconcile, and also is wishy washy about his grieving. The drugs and alcohol and new girl don’t make it any easier, and probably means he is suppressing emotions, but that’s his dance, his karma.

    For your side, you can approach your grief in a few ways. One is you could do metta with him as the recipient, spending time wishing him happiness even if it means he is in the arms of his soulmate, and that soulmate is not you. It will be through gritted, jealous teeth at first, but with sincerity and persistence your attachment to him will settle.

    Or, you could just keep self nurturing, following your passions, and it will also erode with time, perhaps a bit slower. When painful feelings arise, try not to be swept into them (after all, you deserve to be happy) and do something nice for yourself. Sing your favorite song, take a bath, go for a walk in nature… help your body let go of the pain and move on.

    With your connection to rituals, you could also get closure on your own. On a piece of paper you could write out (in your own words, your own hand) “while he and I were together as partners, we interwove and shared and experienced karma. Whatever the conditions are now, I seek to allow the debts on both side to be settled, so that healing may flow into both of us, so that we can both be free.” Then say a prayer to the karmic council and burn the page with gratitude. After all, it seems that you’d like both of you to be free. If free flowing the ideas isn’t your style, I seem to remember seeing a “silver chalice” ritual that might be found on Google. Namaste.

    With warmth,
    Matt

    #42154

    Topic: Abandoned?

    in forum Relationships
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    My ex-boyfriend and I were together for about 8 years. We lived together in several cities over a period of 6 years. We were friends before we got together, and we had tons in common. I had issues with insecurity and he had issues from being adopted at birth. I hadn’t been very happy for the last 2 years because I wasn’t doing what I wanted and he and I were both wanting to move, but because of finances and our jobs, we never had the timing right. He broke up with me suddenly, out of the blue 5 months ago. Despite trying to work things out, he moved out 2 months later. At the time he was starting to smoke marijuana frequently and had completely given up the meditation practice that he had which had helped us during our tough times. We hung out like nothing had happened, and I went on a quest to discover all the lessons that needed to be learned to be able to love myself and others more, all the while hoping we’d get back together.

    Our communication became less and less until I got the idea that he must not really want to be with me, so I made plans to move and pursue my passions, effectively cutting off any chance of us being together again. He took this hard, and aside from a night where I asked him to come over so I could share my gratitude and lessons learned with him and he broke down crying and the following night when he came over saying he couldn’t sleep and was obviously having a hard time, he never wanted to talk about why we broke up or get closure. He then started seeing someone else.

    Despite my positive outlook on my life and our relationship and ability to move on at one point, this piece of information broke me to pieces. Weeks before I had found out about the girlfriend, I had asked him to have a goodbye ceremony the day I left, which he agreed to. My last day before leaving, while we were cleaning out our former place of habitation I asked him if I could stay at his place after our ceremony since he was taking our cat. He said I shouldn’t – that he had plans with his girlfriend and didn’t even seem to care about the ceremony. I stayed anyway, after he decided he’d stay at a friend’s house. It was awful. The whole time I was asking for our goodbye, he did everything to avoid it, then left. He kept saying we’d see each other again and said we’d talk after I left.

    I got to my new home/town and tried to go no contact and move on. He texted, asking how I was doing, and when I didn’t respond sent my some songs/videos about wanting to change and basically being devastated about losing his friend. He texted me and asked if we were still going to be friends. I responded saying that I wanted to be with him to resolve our issues together, to get to the core of our beings where understanding resides, to continue our spiritual relationship, etc. and if he didn’t then I would have to say goodbye. He ignored that email, but still sent me a text about a recipe. Yesterday, I finally confronted him via email asking him what he wanted (and why he didn’t respond to my email) and he said a friendship. I said I was confused by the previous emails and texts he sent that gave me an idea that there might be hope for a reconciliation, but needed to know that there wasn’t a chance we would be together again. He said he was sorry for misleading me and that he didn’t mean to. I said to not contact me and goodbye, which he acknowledged.

    I’m suffering because he’s moved on. I imagine him happy with his new girlfriend. It kills me to think that she might have the future with him that we had planned. He’s swept his feelings under the rug with marijuana, alcohol and a new relationship. I’m suffering because we shared 8 years of our lives together and never got any closure. He never wanted to discuss anything. To give me what I needed, yet he thought we could be friends. He just wanted out. And now I’m the one lonely and confused. I don’t know if his issues with adoption have anything to do with this. I’m having an especially hard time knowing his new girlfriend was also adopted. Like he’s found a new soul mate to replace me. Someone who can understand him better even though I spent 8 years trying to understand him, show him compassion and help him. How can someone just drop that relationship so easily?

    #42079

    Topic: Falling in love with life

    in forum Fun
    Tamara
    Participant

    Have you ever had that feeling when you feel excited about life, about everyday, about yourself?
    When you wake up in the morning and know that no matter what happens this will be a wonderful day!
    When you can just sit quietly, think about your blessing and tear up! When you lay in your bed before sleeping and your
    heart starts pounding when you think of how amazing your life is? Just because you can see the magic in the simplest, littlest things.

    It’s just funny, I think if you asked someone to describe my life, I guess they would say it’s boring, because I never ever enjoy the things most people like to do, but I am just in love with every single little part of my life!

    Is anyone else taken aback by the magic in this life? I mean just look at the sky, isn’t it so magical? Our existence, the little things called coincidences, oh there are so many magical things! I’m not high haha not at all, I just really really love life! And I am so grateful I feel there is no more room inside me to carry all this gratitude.
    And the best part is, you can take a look at yourself, and you can see the person you want to become, and so you start working little by little, and one day you see how close you’ve become to the person you once imagined, until one day you see that person in your mirror! Ah wonderful wonderful life <3
    I don’t feel this way all the time because life has its ups and downs leading to a perfect balance, but when I do feel like it, I can’t share it with anyone because people always think something is missing in their life in order to get to this state or they think I’m crazy! … So please tell me that there’s someone else out there who’s also feeling this way! Tell me that you understand, tell me that you’re in love with life! <3 Share your thoughts with me!

    #41824
    Erika
    Participant

    I just wanted to thank TheAwakening for sharing about your experience, and Matt, for your perspective!!

    I entered an uncannily similar situation at the beginning of August. I had a strong feeling that I would get the job, and dreaded the phone call that I knew would offer the job. And yet, when it was offered, something inside told me “Yes! Take it!!”. My spiritual journey had really slowed in the past while, and the conflict that I’ve felt while working in this new job has worked as a boot in the rear to bring much more focus to it. I still have really challenging days – like today – but then amazing things happen to counteract it. Like the gentleman that randomly appeared and sold me a beautiful crystal. I have become more and more connected with my intuition as time goes by, it is truly amazing. I am also looking at adding to the volunteering that I do, continuing my education in Social Work, and I’ve even started to consider the possibility of fostering children one day.

    My story aside, I really appreciate hearing about someone else’s story. I’ve been working hard at doing the best I can, and have a lot of gratitude and excitement with all that has happened. Some days, of course, are extra challenging… I find it really comforting to hear of someone else in a similar situation. To borrow Matt’s metaphor – it gets a little overwhelming on these stones, while the river is rushing by! So best wishes, from my stone to yours 🙂

    #41820
    Matt
    Participant

    The,

    There are many components to your question, and it seems like part of what you’re struggling with is figuring out how to follow your heart. Its no wonder that you feel anxiety, your mind is beating you up the whole day. Imagine you had a monkey on your back smacking you in the head all day. Talk about a headache!

    I recognize that you’re perceiving a split. On one hand, there is the job that has good conditions, decent environment, fortuitous returns on time spent. On the other, you have a desire inside which is trying to help you awaken to a deeper nature. This makes sense to me, and preludes rebirth. Said differently, perhaps the vibrations you feel are like birthing contractions. Neither mom nor baby can rush it, it is a function of nature and unfolds as it needs to.

    Perhaps consider that your awakening isn’t something which happens outside the job, but the job is a factor in it. For instance, imagine a man who loves a woman, and wishes to make love to her, join her in a sacred union of hearts. Then, she takes off her robe and happens to be wearing red undergarments instead of white, and in his dream they were white. Suddenly, the intimacy with the woman dismantles and the sacred moment is lost as she is rejected for not “being right”. This is what I see happening in your journey right now. You were passed a boon by nature, and feel hate for it… as though it is not good enough.

    Consider a different and radical approach. Consider accepting that the job you have is exactly where you need to be to learn what you need to learn. Then, look at how your mind is violent against a loving backdrop. Said differently, as you let go of the need for a bigger dream, the joy that is staring you in the face reveals itself. Then, there is no struggle, only gratitude.

    My teacher described it as “old boss, just like the new boss”. Or said differently, even if you quit, the restlessness will follow you. How blessed are you to have a situation where you can see that the aggression in your mind is happening from your side! That you paint these incredibly dissatisfying strokes upon an otherwise nurturing canvas!

    If you’re with me this far, consider two more ideas. First, the solution to our puzzles are not in the external, such as finding just the right conditions (“job in alignment” or “better fitting job to my higher purpose”) rather it is in relating to any conditions in a loving way. To do this, we stop hoping the outside will give us the peace we seek, and we cultivate it inside us. Have you been keeping up the meditation practice from the spiritual retreat? Do you cultivate metta? Those are the keys, no matter what job you’re in.

    Second, the lack of motivation is perhaps from too much “me” focus. My teacher said that generosity is the cause of joy, and as we fall into patterns of restlessness and tastelessness, often looking for ways to help the growth around us will revitalize the vibrancy. For instance, perhaps volunteering at a soup kitchen. Listen for a coworker in distress and give aid. Even putting a little money in one of those “in need” canisters. Use what power you have for the benefit of others. It makes a huge difference.

    Then, as you strengthen your heart, the disturbance settles. This job or new job, here or there… the heart will lead you from stone to stone across the river. Namaste, friend.

    With warmth,
    Matt

    #41640
    Selflove
    Participant

    This is great!! We have been taught since childhood to not speak highly of yourself as its considered conceited. But we DO need to know US… our true self. Not in an arrogant way but simply in a self respecting way. So here’s my list…

    1. I Love that I Love to love others.

    2. I Love helping/ taking care of people, and like you Casey, I go above and beyond my own happiness to be there for others.

    3. I have a great sense of humor. I sometimes embarrass myself but I still make people laugh. E.g Recently, my best friends Grand Mother passed away; I asked my friend what should I bring with me. She said “Just a sympathy card” to which i said “Should I put money in it?” We both laughed ( I am truly sorry if I have offended anyone but Life is eternal. It does not end when the body dies)

    4. I can see the good in the most difficult of situation and/or most disgusting of people. (excuse my judgement)

    5. I love to read and grow; I am faced with some very painful moments of my life but I’ve read so much about self forgiveness and gratitude that I am amazed at how much light there is in darkest hours.

    May love and light be with you all

    #41568

    In reply to: I'm A Wreck

    Deana Mentzel
    Participant

    Very good advice from Matt.

    UD: I found myself in a deep hole about 3 years ago after a series of unfortunate events. I was depressed, down, had the “poor me” syndrome and felt like life was not worth living. I started Reiki and Meditation and am a completely different person today. I will share with you what worked for me.

    You’re allowing your ego (mind) control who you are. You need to tell those thoughts that come into your head “no”, “not now”, “stop” or even “shut up” works. Take 3 deep cleansing breaths (in through the nose and out through the mouth), to bring you back to the present moment. You have good intuition since you know that your recent stalker-like actions are not right. Listen to your intuition, not the thoughts that your mind is giving you. Self-work is not easy but so worth it in the end. Living in the now/present moment won’t allow for though-based living. Constantly telling the negative thoughts in your head to get out and quieting the mind will serve you well.

    Starting a gratitude journal on paper, in the memo on your phone or just stating them out loud is the best reminder of all the good things in your life. Count your blessings! By focusing on all the positives in your life…you will bring more good things to you. When we focus on the negatives, we get more bad things coming to us.

    I started saying the following mantras when I was going through tough times and still say them everyday.

    “I am a beautiful child of God and the universe”
    “I trust that things are unfolding in my life as they should”
    “Please bring people into my life that are for my highest and greatest good & please remove people from my life that are not”

    This last one can sometimes be a tough pill to swallow. People come into our lives for a reason. Some stay for a short while, some a season and some for a lifetime. We learn something from everyone we meet. Trusting that a relationship was suppose to end is not easy, but is all part of your path here.

    Hope this helps. 🙂

    #41561

    Topic: stumbled….

    in forum Relationships
    Sapnap3
    Participant

    Last night after writing the forum “letter not to be sent”..I stumbled and fell. I emailed him. I wrote down my feeling on TB and on a piece paper than something in me just started to email him. I am trying to be gentle with myself ans true. I don’t want to lie to myself. Put on a brave face when I don’t feel brave. In my email to him, I expressed gratitude towards him. I told him about the work I have been doing. I told him about how the more I get to know myself, the more I understand why the relationship crumbled. With all forums I started here, I never mentioned how wonderful my ex was to me. He was patient with me on and off of anti depressant. He started closing off to me when all the burden of my sadness fell solely on him. I look to him for happiness. He kept telling to self nurture, to meditate and I never listened. I was too busy blaming him and the world for my unhappiness.

    I told him how I missed him but knew that I have to love myself before I can accept his or anyone else’s love. I also told him the realty of why I acted like I did when he broke it off. See it was easier to blame everything on him than to look within and face the regret. I am in a stage of regret in this journey of mine. My ex was my friend and love. Losing him has become a life lesson for me.

    What I now have to remember is that I don’t want his forgiveness. I just want clarity. I want to stop crying. I want to stop pitying myself. I want to stop having expectations of others. Honestly, a part of me just wants him to respond and tell me if all the remorse I am feeling is a fragment of my imagination or if he did actually love me. I know my insecurities are surfacing. I know not having a strong belief and support system within me is creating this chaos in my mind.

    Honestly, I couldn’t bare the pain anymore. I couldn’t let go without expressing how I felt to my best friend. The last memory i have of my ex is him not being able to move from where he was standing in Florence cause we had another one of our 5\6 hour flight and I was crying. For a minute I thought he was having a stroke. He tried his best to hold on to our relationship and I kept pushing him away because I wanted to prove to my self loathing self that I am unlovable. All my adult life, I have been trying to prove myself right by pushing everyone away.

    In the end, I wished him lucky and told him that the woman he is with is very lucky and I am very unlucky having had him in my life and lost.

    I was never going to tell anyone about this but you guys have become family I never had.
    Thanks for listening again….

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