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3 months ago Friend blocked me for an incident. Now I want to restart.

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  • #390220
    Dude
    Participant

    <p class=”p1″><span class=”s1″>Anita, </span></p>
    <p class=”p1″><span class=”s1″>Thank you for your response. </span></p>
    <p class=”p1″><span class=”s1″>In 2003, my mother and I moved in with my aunt. My mother couldn’t afford the rising rent prices of the apartment we lived in. I was 4 years old the time we moved into my aunt’s house.</span></p>
    <p class=”p1″><span class=”s1″> For 18 years of my life, we’ve all called that 2-storey suburban corner house home. Until my mother and I moved out in November.</span></p>
    <p class=”p1″><span class=”s1″>My mother paid around $800 for rent, which was covered through a government support program. Basically, it was free rent for 18 years. </span></p>
    <p class=”p1″><span class=”s1″>Living there, we still had some restrictions. Even before COVID. But they were little and minor, so we still lived normal lives with no issues. Just some common sense ones; no drinking in the house, don’t associate yourself with bad people, etc. But some restrictions were a little weird. For example, I was only allowed to have 1 friend over in her place, because I invited my church friends one time in 2016 and a few days later she told me we were too “rowdy”. But still, that time I was allowed to go elsewhere, so that didn’t really affect me. </span></p>
    <p class=”p1″><span class=”s1″>In July 2019, my uncle was diagnosed with leukaemia for a 2nd time. He had to go to chemotherapy in August, which he came back from it in January 2020. The chemotherapy made him immunocompromised. </span></p>
    <p class=”p1″><span class=”s1″>It wasn’t until the start of the pandemic where her restrictions went more tightened, because of my uncle. At that time, it was obviously understandable. I followed all the rules with no issues. I stayed at home during the 1st lockdown because I had no reason to go out. My mother and aunt did all the grocery shopping. One of my cousins is a pharmacist in a downtown hospital, so she worked during the pandemic. My aunt obviously had separate rules for her, so when she came home from work, she would need to take off her uniform and put it in a bag, then go straight to the shower. She’d then have dinner separate from us, in the dining room (the kitchen table was separate from the dining room). Basically, my pharmacist cousin wasn’t allowed any contact with my uncle for obvious reasons. My aunt deemed it too risky for my cousin to come home every night, so my cousin’s friend offered her empty</span></p>
    <p class=”p1″><span class=”s1″>condo to my cousin for her to stay while the lockdown was present. </span></p>
    <p class=”p1″><span class=”s1″>When the summer came, COVID restrictions in my area relaxed, but not my aunt’s. I told her I wanted to see only my closest friends. She didn’t allow it at first because she believed it was so risky to her. We had a bit of an argument, but eventually she allowed me to have only 1 friend over in her garage. </span></p>
    <p class=”p1″><span class=”s1″>Most of my close friends came over one at a time, including my friend – the same person who we’ve been talking about. Yes. The 1st time he came over, we had a great time. Although he didn’t want to hang out in a garage, I had to explain to him my situation, and eventually he agreed to come over. That visit was way better than this year’s. We sat on the same yoga ball and yes, he bounced on it. The cameras in the garage were hidden at the time, or we probably didn’t notice them. </span></p>
    <p class=”p1″><span class=”s1″>I remember my aunt explaining to us she put cameras all over the house because everyone on my street had them and there was a home invasion in that area before the pandemic. I didn’t ask about them, I just laughed and said “ok”. </span></p>
    <p class=”p1″><span class=”s1″>In regards to my friend and I during high school, we didn’t practice religion much together and I got used to just tagging along what he does. At the time, I didn’t understand the meaning or reason to be worried for that, because I saw my friend get away with mostly everything. I didn’t join my current church group until 2014 in Grade 11. From what he told me, whenever he makes plans with his friends, he doesn’t tell his parents. He just says “I’m going out, and (sometimes) I’m taking the car”</span></p>
    <p class=”p1″><span class=”s1″>Now as young adults, we tend to do it less. We’re more mature now, and we also have some new responsibilities. I’m not so sure about him, but for me, I do admit that I’ve snuck out a lot to see close friends since I knew my aunt would say no (but my mother would say yes). My mother allowed me to go see my close friends because she said she didn’t want me to be lonely at home all the time. My mother and I even snuck out several times to go eat, shop and simply spend time together. My aunt still has no idea my mother and I snuck out. </span></p>
    <p class=”p1″><span class=”s1″>Living in the new apartment, sure, we pay $1650/month now, but we have lots of freedom. One of the other major reasons why my friend and I stopped being friends was because he said he didn’t want to deal with my aunt, her cameras and my restrictions. The 2nd time he came over, he was a bit disappointed that I had to repeat last year’s garage visits again. He didn’t want to come back to the garage. Now, since I don’t have those restrictions anymore, my friend wouldn’t need to worry about that. We’d basically have the freedom to choose where to hang out once again. It’s also another reason why I want to resume the friendship, because most of our good times were spent in the mall, at restaurants and event venues. </span></p>

    #390221
    Dude
    Participant

    Apologies for the <span> stuff. I had to write this in a notepad so it would save properly.

    #390233
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Dude:

    You are welcome. Reads to me that your aunt has been good and generous to you and to your mother: (1) She welcomed the two of into her home for 18 years, charging rent that was much below market value, (2) Her pre-covid restrictions were “little and minor…common sense ones: no drinking in the house, don’t associate yourself with bad people, etc.” When pre-covid, you invited your church friends over and your group of friends was rowdy, it was reasonable that she asked you to have one friend at a time over the house, knowing that you were able to spend time with a group of friends elsewhere (“I was allowed to go elsewhere, so that didn’t really affect me“),

    (3) It makes sense that she enforced tighter restriction following the start of the pandemic, especially being that your uncle was immunocompromised because of his chemotherapy treatments, (4) She enforced the most serious restrictions on your pharmacist cousin, whom I assume is her own adult daughter, having her daughter move altogether out of the house. She did not treat you more strictly than she did her own daughter, (5) Given how restrictive she was with her own daughter, it is understandable that she insisted at one point on that you entertain one friend at a time in the garage.

    I’ve snuck out a lot to see close friends since I knew my aunt would say no (but my mother would say yes)… My mother and I even snuck out several times“- it was wrong of your mother to help you sneak out and disrespect your aunt who was gracious enough to have the two of you living in her house for 18 years. Your aunt saved your mother and you a lot of money over the years.

    Living in the new apartment, sure, we pay $1650/month now, but we have lots of freedom“- I wish that your mother and of you had your own apartment earlier on. Your aunt saved your mother a lot of money. She deserves a heartfelt appreciation on your part, and on your mother’s part, and some generosity in return. I hope that you find a way to show her that you are kind enough to somewhat, somehow reciprocate her 18-years-long generosity.

    Now, since I don’t have those restrictions anymore…  We’d basically have the freedom to choose where to hang out once again. It’s also another reason why I want to resume the friendship, because most of our good times were spent in the mall, at restaurants and event venues“- I hope that you correct your relationship with your aunt, that show her the appreciation and gratitude that she deserves, and that you restart a good friendship with your friend: that you will be a good friend to him, that he will be a good friend to you.

    anita

    #390251
    Dude
    Participant

    Anita,

    Thank you for your response.

    My mother and I were supposed to go back to my  aunt’s house to celebrate Christmas. My aunt was the one who invited us over. However, new COVID restrictions in my area prevented us from going back.

    During the summer, her restrictions were kind of extreme for me. My pharmacist cousin moved back in the house that time and she was allowed to interact with my uncle on weekends and days off. But I wasn’t allowed to go out pretty much at all, and if I wanted to see friends, I was only allowed to see my close friends inside her garage.

    In Summer 2021, I got fully vaccinated at the time. I thought I’d be allowed to go out and see my vaccinated friends again. However, my aunt kept her restrictions on me from last year. But then she did allow me to go for walks around my neighbourhood. So I admit I basically used that to go see my vaccinated friends, up until July when I got caught by my aunt.

    I apologized to her for stressing her out a lot during the pandemic. She forgave me. But we’ve still been distant from each other since. I haven’t spoken with her since we moved out, but she still comes to my new apartment here and there to drop things off. I believe my aunt, uncle and cousins, like my friend, could still be reeling from the September incident. So it could be several months until we can go back to the way we were.

    In regards to my friend, I believe the same will happen. I decided to postpone the reaching out due to his other friend. I’ve deemed it too risky to reach out to him right now. Although 3 months is a long time, it can be too soon for him. I’ve done some serious damage to both my family’s relationship and my friendship with my friend. I’m not sure how long I’m going to wait, but I might try to reach out in April, when he graduates university. Or hopefully I run into him alone and we can work things out then. Whatever happens, I don’t care what does, as long as I’ll be friends with him again like before, I’ll be happy.

    My aunt came by today to drop off gifts. We wished each other a Merry Christmas, she was in a rush to go home. She came from the hospital so we didn’t hug. Understandable.

    Today, there was 9,571 new coronavirus cases in my area. Makes a lot of sense why our family gathering was postponed.

    #390254
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Dude:

    I don’t think that it is possible for Covid to be over. I think that it is a respiratory illness that’s here to stay, and that tools to combat it, tools like updated vaccines and therapeutics will continue to be developed, and that the medical establishment otherwise will continue to get better at treating it.

    I wish you and your family a M E R R Y    C H R I S T M A S !!!

    anita

    #394631
    Dude
    Participant

    Hello Anita, I have returned. Just want to give you a small update on this situation.

    It has now been nearly 6 months since the incident. I’m still blocked and no contact has been made to reach out to him.

    This morning, I noticed that I was blocked again on another social media app. We don’t use that app very often to communicate, & it was one of the last social media connections he hasn’t blocked me on. This shows me that he is still mad about what happened 6 months ago. He has no intention of resuming anything with me & is still maintaining his distance… at least for now.

    Adding insult to injury, about a month after the incident (October 2021), another friend of mine offered me a job at his work. About 3 hours into my 1st shift, my boss told me “You should have told us about the yoga ball incident. I cannot have you work here, because we don’t want to deal with potential backlash or any distractions.” I was then asked to leave the workplace. This was just a part-time job at my local mall. I’m aware I initially didn’t bring this up, because I didn’t think it was relevant to the topic.

    About another month after that job (November 2021), I applied for actual full time jobs. I’m a recent graduate from my local architecture school. I submitted resumes and my portfolio to many architectural firms in the downtown area, hoping I would get offered a job to one of them. I was offered an interview to one of the jobs I applied for, which I attended, & I had a great interview with the employer. About a week later, they called me back & told me that they couldn’t offer me employment due to “recent incidents”. About 5 other firms I applied for also denied me employment because of the same reasons, with a few mentioning the yoga ball incident, others just saying “recent events” or no apparent reason. The rest? No response, it’s been 3 months.

    I’m one of the few in my college friend group that doesn’t have a job yet after college.

    I was very shocked, confused & wondering how on earth could so many companies who have never even met or interacted with my ex-friend found out about this incident? I was never arrested or charged because of it, nor do I have a criminal record. I have not seen any public posts regarding the yoga ball incident (or I am unaware of one) but I do have a feeling that my ex-friend called me out on it somewhere, maybe on his social media?

    I told this story to another friend of mine who never met my ex-friend & she advised me to file a defamation lawsuit. After talking to a lawyer, he said I lack the evidence needed to do that.

    I also started to notice my other real-life friends who have never met my ex-friend (but some have mutual friends) are talking to me less often or even not at all. Unsure if it is because of the incident or they are just busy. I’ve reached out to a few of them, but none have responded, some are active on social media but not everyone is.

    This incident has basically shattered my reputation, & I feel that I ruined my own life, just by my pushy behaviour. I’m basically “cancelled”

    In terms of my cousins & aunt, I have not heard from them since they dropped off gifts. But they did try to drop off something at my house over this weekend.

    While I wait however long it takes for my ex-friend to at least forgive me, I’ve been trying to distract myself by hanging out with other people & making more friends of my own. But no one will ever fill the void my ex-friend left behind. Until he comes back, I’ll be doing that.

    #394647
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Dude:

    “My boss told me ‘You should have told us about the yoga ball incident. I cannot have you work here’…About another month after that job (November 2021), I applied for actual full-time jobs…they called me back & told me that they couldn’t offer me employment due to ‘recent incidents‘. About 5 other firms I applied for also denied me employment because of the same reasons, with a few mentioning the yoga ball incident… This incident has basically shattered my reputation, & I feel that I ruined my own life” –

    – Can you describe the yoga ball incident in a factual manner, just the facts of what was done and what was said (not including what you thought, felt and intended, or what you thought your former friend thought, felt and intended)?

    anita

     

    #394754
    Dude
    Participant

    Hello Anita, thanks for responding.

    I have obtained surveillance footage from that day, my aunt provided me a copy of it. There was another camera in the garage that day that I flipped over, but the camera caught the audio from that day, including the incident & our conversations. This is my 1st time ever viewing the footage since the incident.

    I have written the transcript in a Google document. I edited some of the lines in order to protect our identities. The transcript only contains the moments where I asked my friend to bounce on the yoga ball we were both sitting on. You can view it here.

    After viewing it for the 1st time, I’ve never been so disgusted at myself. I’m in tears, literally. No words can describe my disgusting behaviour I committed that day. I feel so ashamed & guilty at what I did to one of my closest friends. I feel like, I committed a crime. Had this footage been leaked, my entire life would be shattered. It would probably be enough evidence to sue me in court should my friend decide to do so!

    Never in my life have I been so desperate for forgiveness. To this day, he’s still mad about it (since he recently blocked me on an app we don’t use) & it’s been almost 6 months, the longest we’ve gone without talking to each other. I really do hope, one day he will forgive me for all of this, & resume the friendship. I don’t want him to carry this burden with my name on it, because that burden he’s carrying is my burden too!

    #394816
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Dude:

    You are welcome. I didn’t open the link you sent because I don’t open links. In my last post to you I clearly asked you for “just the facts of what was done and what was said (not including what you thought, felt and intended, or what you thought your former friend thought, felt and intended)” in regard to the yoga ball incident.

    But what you gave me today was your feelings (“I feel so ashamed & guilty… desperate for forgiveness”), and only one fact: “I asked my friend to bounce on the yoga ball we were both sitting on”.

    I looked at your original post for facts and found only this: “We were sitting on a yoga ball at the time. I asked him to bounce on it… He refused. But I kept asking“.

    Yesterday you wrote that because of this incident you were repeatedly denied employment. And today, you wrote regarding the footage of the incident: “Had this footage been leaked, my entire life would be shattered… It would probably be enough evidence to sue me in court should my friend decide to do so!” –

    –  it doesn’t take a law degree to figure that one guy repeatedly asking another guy to bounce on a yoga ball is not illegal. So, what would be the legal basis for your former friend to sue you in court?

    And why would you asking him to bounce on the ball be the basis for rejection by employers… and why would it shatter your family?

    anita

    #394818
    anita
    Participant

    * Correction of my last question: … and why would it shatter your life?

    #394829
    Dude
    Participant

    Hello Anita, thanks again for responding.

    My apologies! I didn’t know you don’t open links. The Google Document had the full transcript of the incident, what you asked me for. Instead, I will place the transcript here.

    September 9, 2021 video footage (some parts were edited to
    protect identity) This transcript only contains key moments
    Right before friend arrives, aunt receives notification that camera was not functioning
    Calls me & says “Don’t touch anything. You better put that camera back where it was”
    10 minutes after friend arrives & sits on ball…
    Friend: Why are there 2 cameras pointing straight at us?
    Me: I don’t know, stop asking, I don’t want my aunt to know I disabled them.
    Friend: That’s really weird
    5 minutes later…
    Me: Friend you should bounce
    Friend: I don’t like bouncing
    Me: Why lol
    Friend: Idk it’s just kinda weird, I wanted to sit on a chair (aunt didn’t allow me to use her chairs. I was
    only allowed to use the ball due to COVID-19 restrictions in my house)
    Me: You sure?
    Friend: Yes

    Me: It’s just-
    Friend: That’s kind of the most randomest thing I’ve ever heard. What’s with you and bouncing?

    Me: Lol, you’re kind of the only one that didn’t bounce, out of all my friends
    Friend: And your point?

    Me: Uh-
    Friend: You’ve asked me like 3 times already. This is so weird

    10 minutes later…
    Friend: So wait, you said you disabled the cameras?
    Me: Yes
    Friend: How did you disabled them?
    Me: I don’t know. I think I just locked the phones and unplugged them
    Friend: This is kind of lame, it would’ve been nice if we went out, because most people just go out & get
    food & stuff
    Me: Yes I know
    Me: …Please man, cheer me up
    Friend: Ok you do it. I’ll stand up
    Me: Naw man please?
    Friend: No man, why are you so obsessed with bouncing?
    Me: It’s just cause I haven’t done this in a while
    Friend: Done what in a while
    Me: Idk sitting on it
    Friend: Now you are. Dude this is kind of making me uncomfortable. Why are you so obsessed with

    that? It’s the 4th time you asked me that today.

    Me: No, cause-
    Friend: What’s up with bouncing?

    Me: I thought you said you liked it before? Like you enjoyed doing it before, like you said?
    Friend: Are you okay? What’s going on, this is so weird! What’s up with the bouncing? Naw man, I don’t
    wanna bounce. That’s just kinda weird
    Me: Just face the other way though
    Friend: I’m telling you, I’ve never in my life never heard someone talk about bouncing this much. Like,
    what’s up with bouncing? Like are you okay?

    Me: I don’t know, it’s just fun-
    Friend: You’re trying so hard to get me to bounce, don’t you think that’s kind of strange?

    Me: No?
    Friend: Okay?
    Me: Like, I had friends that told me to do stuff like that
    Friend: But I already told you that I don’t want to, you kept asking me. You can bounce if you want
    Me: No, you do it
    Friend: I already told you I don’t want to do it. You can bounce if you want
    Me: No, you do it
    Friend: Well, I mean you don’t have to either
    20 minutes later…

    Me: So uh… you sure you don’t wanna bounce?
    Friend: No man, I’m okay.
    Me: I’ll buy you something
    Friend: What? How are you supposed to go out? You can’t even go out
    Me: No, since I saw you (My aunt would only allow me to go out with my friends who showed up to the
    garage)
    Friend: Oh no it’s okay man. It was my pleasure to come see you
    Me: I know but please
    Friend: No…
    Me: Do it for like 5 seconds
    Friend: Why don’t you just bounce, it would be the same thing
    Me: No you do it
    Friend: WHY?
    Me: Cause
    Friend: Give me one good reason to
    Me: It’s like, good for you?
    Friend: Dude, that is just like so random bro, like I’m good man, no I’m done

    Me: Have you ever-
    Friend: Because you know why? There’s all these cameras here.

    Me: Dude they’re off
    Friend: You don’t know that, you said you’re not sure. That one might be on (the one on the side). I
    don’t wanna be on camera bouncing bro

    Me: *Gets up to the camera he was talking about* This one is OFF
    Friend: Naw man, it’s okay

    Friend offers to make plans for his Reading Week, mentioning he was completely free. I apologize for
    the visit since it didn’t go to mine or his plans, he forgave me.
    After he left, aunt confronts me about the cameras. Furious, she tells me that “You lost your privilege”.
    Then I immediately tell my friend, & he offers to come back to apologize, but I told him he would have
    to wait.
    September 14: The day our friendship ended
    I called my friend & told him that my aunt was strict & she wanted things her own way. Although she
    didn’t mention specifically, I knew she was going to ask my friend to go back to the garage & wait for
    him (she has done this with my cousin’s girlfriend)
    Here are screen captures from our last conversation. These shots are in the correct order. (Please view the attached screenshots)

    Me: Ok
    Sorry again this has to be so complicated

    Friend: It’s aight no worries
    As long as you leave the garage door open I don’t mind waiting inside for her

    Me: OOp ldk about that

    Friend: Lol
    (2 Replies)
    I’ll just wait on the driveway then she can still see me from the door there

    Me:Uh

    Friend: 2pm!

    Me: Uh

    Friend: Hm?
    I’ll just wait on the driveway then she can still see me from the door there
    (2 Replies)

    Me: I just need u to follow whatever she says so

    Friend: Yeah but I’m not gonna do something I’m not comfortable with
    I’m not gonna go in the garage did it’s getting closed
    <div class=”messagesWrapper-RpOMA3 group-spacing-16″>
    <div class=”scroller-kQBbkU auto-2K3UW5 scrollerBase-_bVAAt disableScrollAnchor-6TwzvM managedReactiveScroller-1lEEh3″ dir=”ltr” tabindex=”-1″ role=”group” data-jump-section=”global”>
    <div class=”scrollerContent-2SW0kQ content-2a4AW9″>
    <div class=”message-2CShn3 cozyMessage-1DWF9U wrapper-30-Nkg cozy-VmLDNB zalgo-26OfGz” tabindex=”-1″ role=”article” data-list-item-id=”chat-messages___chat-messages-951562641380356176″ aria-setsize=”-1″ aria-roledescription=”Message” aria-labelledby=”message-username-951561476819279873 uid_1 message-content-951562641380356176 uid_2 message-timestamp-951562641380356176″>
    <div class=”contents-2MsGLg”>
    <div id=”message-content-951562641380356176″ class=”markup-eYLPri messageContent-2t3eCI”>Me: I just have a feeling she might keep us in the garage again</div>
    <div></div>
    <div class=”markup-eYLPri messageContent-2t3eCI”>Friend: If you’re ain’t has no respect for my comfort zone then I’m not gonna bother coming
    aunt*
    Not ain’t*

    Me: But then I will get in trouble for you not coming to apologize</div>
    <div></div>
    <div class=”markup-eYLPri messageContent-2t3eCI”>Friend: Why would you get in trouble if you’re not the one who flopped</div>
    <div></div>
    <div class=”markup-eYLPri messageContent-2t3eCI”>Me: Because I already told her you are coming</div>
    <div></div>
    <div class=”markup-eYLPri messageContent-2t3eCI”>Friend: I’m going to come at 2, but I’m not doing something I’m not comfortable with</div>
    <div></div>
    <div class=”markup-eYLPri messageContent-2t3eCI”>Me: Would you be comfortable with no cameras in the garage?
    Because my mom is telling her to remove all of them I can’t be sure of that.

    Friend: I’ll wait in the garage if it’s open, or ill wait right in front of the garage right under the gate

    Me: And if she sees us arguing she will get mad

    Friend: I won’t say a word.
    I’m just gonna stand there lol

    Me: Stand where?</div>
    <div></div>
    <div class=”markup-eYLPri messageContent-2t3eCI”>Friend: At the garage entrance</div>
    </div>
    </div>
    </div>
    </div>
    </div>
    <form class=”form-3gdLxP”>
    <div class=”channelTextArea-1FufC0 channelTextArea-1VQBuV”>
    <div class=”scrollableContainer-15eg7h webkit-QgSAqd”>
    <div class=”inner-NQg18Y sansAttachButton-1ERHue”>
    <div class=”placeholder-1_mJY1 fontSize16Padding-XoMpjI” aria-hidden=”true”>I’ll wait for your aunt
    <div class=”message-2CShn3 cozyMessage-1DWF9U wrapper-30-Nkg cozy-VmLDNB zalgo-26OfGz” tabindex=”-1″ role=”article” data-list-item-id=”chat-messages___chat-messages-951564007272230936″ aria-setsize=”-1″ aria-roledescription=”Message” aria-labelledby=”message-username-951561476819279873 uid_1 message-content-951564007272230936 uid_2 message-timestamp-951564007272230936″>
    <div class=”contents-2MsGLg”>
    <div id=”message-content-951564007272230936″ class=”markup-eYLPri messageContent-2t3eCI”>Me: Omg
    This is making me very very worried
    I’m at my lowest point I’ve ever been

    Friend: Honestly I don’t even think it’s worth coming anymore. This is all so weird and I don’t wanna waste my time with something that’s so dumb. I’d rather just forget about the whole weird, creepy experience and just not come to your place ever again. You can show your aunt this text as proof that I decided not to come.

    Me: No

    Friend: Im sorry you feel that way man, I hope your aunt starts treating you better or at least you can save money to move out soon

    Me: If u don’t come, she will be mad
    Because I already told her you are coming

    Friend: Okay well she’ll be mad at morning
    Nothing*
    Tell her I didn’t think it was worth it anymore
    Take a screenshot and show her

    Me: She wants to hear from u in person Tell her that I felt creeped out by all these weird rules and I’d rather just avoid going there in the future

    Me: I already did that
    She won’t believe me

    Friend: After everything you’ve been telling me, taking to her is now out of my comfort zone</div>
    <div>
    <div class=”message-2CShn3 cozyMessage-1DWF9U wrapper-30-Nkg cozy-VmLDNB zalgo-26OfGz” tabindex=”-1″ role=”article” data-list-item-id=”chat-messages___chat-messages-951564668084822047″ aria-setsize=”-1″ aria-roledescription=”Message” aria-labelledby=”message-username-951561476819279873 uid_1 message-content-951564668084822047 uid_2 message-timestamp-951564668084822047″>
    <div class=”contents-2MsGLg”>
    <div id=”message-content-951564668084822047″ class=”markup-eYLPri messageContent-2t3eCI”>Show her my texts if she doesn’t believe you</div>
    <div></div>
    <div class=”markup-eYLPri messageContent-2t3eCI”>Me: This will affect me more than it will affect you

    Friend: How? You have proof right here of how I feel
    You can just show her

    Me: She prob won’t believe it for whatever reason

    Friend: It was my idea in the first place to come, so why would she be mad that I changed my mind
    Well all her rules are putting me off
    That’s why I don’t wanna come
    It’s not gonna affect, you didn’t do anything

    Me: Look bro I’m trying to tell u this is the easy way out
    I won’t make u do this ever again if it goes well

    Friend: Nah man. I’m not comfortable with it anymore

    Me: Like I said this is not my rules
    We’ll I’m screwed then
    Friend: Why are you screwed?

    Me: Because she will be mad at me for u not coming over to say sorry, even if I show her all these texts u sent me And I might even be either kicked out or not be allowed to see anyone
    And if I do get kicked out where will I live?</div>
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    <div aria-hidden=”true”>
    <div class=”message-2CShn3 cozyMessage-1DWF9U wrapper-30-Nkg cozy-VmLDNB zalgo-26OfGz” tabindex=”-1″ role=”article” data-list-item-id=”chat-messages___chat-messages-951566184535425095″ aria-setsize=”-1″ aria-roledescription=”Message” aria-labelledby=”message-username-951561476819279873 uid_1 message-content-951566184535425095 uid_2 message-timestamp-951566184535425095″>
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    <div id=”message-content-951566184535425095″ class=”markup-eYLPri messageContent-2t3eCI”>Friend: Why are you guilt-tripping me bro? I do you a favor by agreeing to hang out, and then I get recorded by a by a bunch of cameras, and I’m uncomfortable by that and I don’t want to go near your house anymore, and now you’re making me come there?

    Me: I cannot afford any rent and neither can my mom

    Friend: Bro that’s ridiculous, you’re not gonna get kicked out just because I didn’t come anymore. That literally has nothing to do with you, it’s just me changing my mind
    (2 Replies That’s ridiculous Bro that’s ridiculous, you’re not gonna get kicked out just because I didn’t come anymore. That literally has nothing to do with you, it’s just me changing my mind)
    (2 Replies)</div>
    <div></div>
    <div class=”markup-eYLPri messageContent-2t3eCI”>Me: I’m on the last straw
    They’ve had enough of me insisting and changing the rules

    Friend: No Bro I’ll be honest with you. My whole friendship with you has been nothing but creepy and uncomfortable for me…every time I come there, it’s always so weird. The cameras are sooo creepy, and even more so when you keep asking me weird questions like asking me to bounce on the ball.…you give me such weird vibes bro and it doesn’t help that you’re recording me. Please stop trying to guilt-trip me now…you’re using guilt to get me to come tomorrow when I already told you I’m not comfortable…you call me your friend but you’re willing to force me to do something I’m not comfortable with? Really?

    Me: You know what
    Tmo I’m just gonna tell her all this
    I’ll show her all the texts and everything
    Clearly this is not working

    Friend: Man…..I’m not even trying to be mean.…I’m just SO creeped out
    Like bro this is sooo weirdddd

    Me: So am I

    Friend: Everything

    Me: I never expected to see this happen

    Friend: Like you’re a good person man. I know you are.
    But this whole thing with your aunt, bro I don’t wanna deal with this
    Im a busy guy and I don’t have time to deal with creepy weird situations that shouldn’t be happening

    Me: 2021 has been just at bad as 2020 for me
    I’ll be honest sometimes I question is life even worth living

    Friend: Life is worth living man
    Don’t let your aunt take away your will to live

    Me: I just feel so trapped right now

    Friend: But please understand if I don’t wanna deal with your aunt
    I don’t wanna get blamed for that I know you’re a good guy and I wish you the best in life, but I don’t wanna deal with situations like this
    I’m sorry I really hope in the future, no matter how long it takes, you’ll be free from that BS treatment
    But until then, I don’t wanna deal with that bro
    At least your mom is on your side and you guys have plans of moving out eventually</div>
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    <div id=”message-content-951568011318407260″ class=”markup-eYLPri messageContent-2t3eCI”>Me: It’s not me, it’s her
    Every since covid started she was like this
    Let me just talk to her tomorrow and see what she says
    I need to tell here there is nothing I can do to make you come here
    With all the restrictions she has put in place
    I feel like I failed yet again like I did in high school
    This is a disaster

    Friend: Covid wont last forever. I think within the next year or 2 the pandemic could be over, hopefully she becomes less strict by then. And I hope your situation gets better man, I really do. You’re a good person man and you deserve better
    Ok ya talk to her
    I just don’t wanna deal with her tbh lol

    Me: Neither do it
    I

    Friend: Her cameras creeped me th out

    Me: So did I
    Life for me went downhill ever since Chris started rbombing
    Back in May
    I can’t even believe this stuff is even happening
    Like what did I do to make it be like this

    Friend: Well man, one advice I can give you to keep friends is don’t pull them out of their comfort zone. Like forever the stuff about bouncing on your yoga ball & no offense bro but that’s kinda weird</div>
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    <div id=”message-content-951568819778879509″ class=”markup-eYLPri messageContent-2t3eCI”>But overall I know you’re a good guy and idk why Chris just left like that
    At least he should tell you first why he wants to cut you off
    (1 Reply)
    Not just leave without any warning
    At least he should tell you first why he wants to cut you off

    Me: I still have him on social media but every time I ask him something he rbombs

    Friend: Whatever he’s not worth it then

    Me:  No
    I believe he will come back one was or another just like u did
    Way

    Friend: Well I hope you’re right man

    Me: Again I am very sorry for all this. I feel like I betrayed your trust again
    Please forgive me

    Friend: It’s okay man I forgive you, but tbh I kinda feel like distancing myself for now because of all the weird vibes I’ve been getting 2 Replies It’s just really uncomfortable
    Yk what I mean?
    <div class=”message-2CShn3 cozyMessage-1DWF9U wrapper-30-Nkg cozy-VmLDNB zalgo-26OfGz” tabindex=”-1″ role=”article” data-list-item-id=”chat-messages___chat-messages-951569499239358496″ aria-setsize=”-1″ aria-roledescription=”Message” aria-labelledby=”message-username-951561476819279873 uid_1 message-content-951569499239358496 uid_2 message-timestamp-951569499239358496″>
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    <div id=”message-content-951569499239358496″ class=”markup-eYLPri messageContent-2t3eCI”>Me: I wish I had more control of this situation

    Friend: I get it
    (It’s okay man I forgive you, but tbh I kinda feel like distancing myself for now because of all the weird vibes I’ve been getting) (2 Replies)

    Me: At this point I don’t even see a point either I
    t’s just my aunt

    Friend: Like I said, I truly hope your situation gets better in the future
    Yeah I know
    But I hope you understand how I feel tho and why I’m just not comfortable rn

    Me:But I need to ask u something

    Friend: I g2g to bed now lol

    Me:If she loosens her restrictions and let’s us hang out OUTSIDE MY HOUSE would you be down?
    OOp

    Friend: ldk maybe man
    Not Rn
    Pretty busy now

    Me: And would u change ur mind about distancing itself

    Friend: Ya l guess
    Maybe after a while when I’m over that crazy experience in your garage</div>
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    <div id=”message-content-951570467322486834″ class=”markup-eYLPri messageContent-2t3eCI”>Ok man I g2g

    Me: So ur not coming right?

    Friend: Nah man sorry

    Me: Ok
    Pray for me
    And my situation

    Friend: I will man. Specifically for your aunt to realize on her own that she’s way too intense a

    Me: I’m gonna try something out

    Friend: What

    Me: Thanks bro

    Friend: Show her our screenshots so she realiZes how she made me feel lol

    Me: That’s part of the plan

    Friend: What are you trying out

    Me: I’m gonna tell her about all this and how her rules are making not only me but you very uncomfortable
    The main reason why she has all these rules is because she doesn’t want any of us to catch covid and spread it to my uncle who is immunocompromised

    Friend: Ok man
    Cameras are still weird tho</div>
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    Me: EXACTLY
    I’ll let u know how it turns out

    Friend: Alright

    Me: But hopefully it turns out good
    Anyways gn I don’t wanna keep u up lol

    Friend: aight man

    Me: Hopefully we can do more things in the near future
    I really care about this friendship cause ur my closest friend rn

    Friend: I get it man but I hope you understand why I wanna step back for now tho. But yeah talk to your aunt tomorrow, I don’t want her to make any more of your other friends uncomfortable too
    That wouldn’t be fair for them

    Yes I know

    Friend: Gnight man

    Me: I understand why right now
    Ok gn</div>
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    About 2 hours later, I discover that I’m blocked on all social media platforms we have together. I was shocked because I didn’t know that our friendship would just end, he only told me that he was stepping back.

    So, what would be the legal basis for your former friend to sue you in court?
    I don’t know. But the video footage combined with our conversation can be used as evidence against me in court. I think it would be criminal harassment?

    And why would you asking him to bounce on the ball be the basis for rejection by employers… and why would it shatter your family/life?
    I run a small club of my own. Yes, about a week after the incident the news has spread to those in my club. Someone, believed to be himself or a friend of his posted a document about the incident, with just the chat transcript I had with my ex-friend in my chat group. I immediately faced extensive backlash regarding the situation. Many of my club members left my club because of that. Even some of my club admins resigned because “they didn’t want to associate themselves with me & the backlash I was getting”. Although the document has been deleted, I’ve heard people have copies of it elsewhere.

    I also believe that either he or a friend of his possibly posted something on their social media that I am unaware of, since not only all of his friends blocked me, but some of my own friends, who never met my ex-friend, I’ve noticed that they are distancing themselves from me. I’m not sure how they would find those, but I believe that employers probably discovered those posts and probably decided not to offer me employment because they probably didn’t want to deal with any backlash or distractions.

    This incident has shattered both my family & life. My mother told me that my other extended family members are now pointing fingers at my aunt, some were disappointed at both me & some at my aunt. It shattered my life because I am now unable to find basically any sort of employment mostly because of the incident. I am running out of money myself. I am still trying to find jobs, I recently signed up for a job bank for college graduates.

    #394831
    HoneyBlossom
    Participant

    Hey Dude,

    I have been following your thread.  I think you should not try to contact your friend and just get on with working to make a better life for yourself.

    I am older person living on my own in the country and have worked f/t through our COVID so I have not been impacted as severely as many especially the young ee r people who are really in more need of social interactions.

     

    #394832
    HoneyBlossom
    Participant

    Your friend did also say that his whole friendship with you had felt creepy and uncomfortable. I wonder if there were other things besides the bouncey ball incident or why would he say this?  I’m sorry if that is very confronting or uncomfortable for you.  If you can get help from a counsellor that would likely make it easier for you.

     

    Kudos to you for continuing to try to get work.  Having money will give you a lot more options with lifestyle of your choice.

    #394833
    Dude
    Participant

    I believe he said that out of anger, since nothing really happened before the incident. We were doing just fine, although when he came to my garage it was our 1st time seeing each other in person since late 2020. Up until that incident we had a good friendship. Before he left my garage he offered me to hang out at a mall.

    #394834
    HoneyBlossom
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: center;”>Maybe, but you can’t be sure.  In the transcript, he comes across as very rational and d o want seem over-emotional to me.</p>

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