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3 months ago Friend blocked me for an incident. Now I want to restart.

HomeForumsRelationships3 months ago Friend blocked me for an incident. Now I want to restart.

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Viewing 8 posts - 46 through 53 (of 53 total)
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  • #399530
    Dude
    Participant

    Hello all,

    Today was a good day for me.

    I followed Anita’s advice into seeing a lawyer… The lawyer advised me that there wasn’t much I could do but to wait a long period of time… I asked the lawyer if it would be okay to reach out to him… He said it could be possible but it is risky. He told me you will be better off asking a mutual friend to ask for you. I decided to do it anyway for the sake of my reputation.

    Earlier this week, I asked a mutual friend to reach out to my friend. The friend agreed to Initially he didn’t want to restart the friendship, but after saying I felt bad, missing the good times & willing to erase those negative thoughts about me, he agreed to partially resume the friendship. I also told him that since I’m not living with my aunt, we will once again have the opportunity to do the stuff we wanted to do before COVID. He then agreed to partially restart it by saying “I would be okay with hanging out with you in a group setting. Just not the 2 of us yet.” When I asked him how long it would take, he said “until I’m comfortable”.

    Although the full friendship wasn’t fully restored yet it is a step in the right direction. I’m glad we were able to reconcile & I hope we will be able to restore the full friendship in the near future.

    #399533
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Dude:

    Back in March, you shared that a former boss terminated your employment, and that a few potential employers refused to hire you because they were aware of the yoga ball incident, an incident where you sexually harassed a young man. I suggested that you make no further contact with the young man, and that you see a lawyer to discuss your employment situation.

    What you shared today is that you saw a lawyer, but you didn’t mention anything about discussing your employment situation with the lawyer. It seems to me that your primary concern is still, as it was before, to get this young man back in your life and spend time with him alone, just the two of you. I think that you are infatuated and sexually attracted to him, and I am concerned about the future of the renewed contact with him.

    He then agreed to partially restart it by saying ‘I would be okay with hanging out with you in a group setting. Just not the 2 of us yet.’ When I asked him how long it would take, he said ‘until I’m comfortable‘” – he told you that he doesn’t feel comfortable to be alone with you, and the next thing you did was to pressure him to be alone with you sooner than later, asking him how long it would take him to… be alone with you again.

    Back in March I suggested that you see a psychotherapist, did you?

    anita

    #399536
    Dude
    Participant

    Anita, I thought you actually unsubscribed to my thread so I made another new thread.

    What you shared today is that you saw a lawyer, but you didn’t mention anything about discussing your employment situation with the lawyer.

    I indeed told them about how I was having a hard time finding employment & how I was rejected multiple times because of the incident & showed him everything, including the video evidence & transcript. I even showed the lawyer a recent article that was published with my full name on it regarding the incident. The lawyer said there wasn’t much I could do in this situation, since the incident is now public information. The lawyer advised me to deactivate all my social media accounts, resign from the club I own and not apply for any jobs for a long period of time. The lawyer’s reason was that “to protect your reputation & to give time for others to move on from this. It takes about several months to years to rebuild your reputation. You’ve basically been a victim of cancel culture”.

    After the conversation I had with my friend yesterday, he is working with me to take down public documents regarding the yoga ball incident so I have a better chance of finding a job. Once we do, I will start to reapply for jobs.

    It seems to me that your primary concern is still, as it was before, to get this young man back in your life and spend time with him alone, just the two of you. I think that you are infatuated and sexually attracted to him, and I am concerned about the future of the renewed contact with him.
    Actually, no. We are both young adults in our 20s. In our conversation yesterday, we didn’t mention anything about going to each other’s houses or sitting on a yoga ball. My objective was to restore the friendship we had before the pandemic & the trust between us. I’ve made that very clear with him. I’ve also made it clear that I vowed to not repeat those mistakes I made to not only him but my other friends, as he suggested. He also suggested “Just let me know in like June when you want to hang out”.

    Like I’ve mentioned previously, we’ve known each other for nearly 10 years. We’ve been friends since 9th grade. We had classes together & shared the same friend group (the mutual friend was part of the high school friend group). And no Anita, I am not in any way sexually attracted to him.

    he told you that he doesn’t feel comfortable to be alone with you

    He meant in public (yes he actually said that). Before Covid we would often go to bars &/or food places/restaurants together with just the 2 of us.

    and the next thing you did was to pressure him to be alone with you sooner than later, asking him how long it would take him to… be alone with you again.

    Actually, no… He meant as in just us 2 hanging out in places. I only asked him how long it would take for the trust to be restored. The mutual friend & I are planning future outings in the summer & the fall so we can have the opportunity to rebuild the trust between Friend & I.

    Back in March I suggested that you see a psychotherapist, did you?
    The lawyer asked me if I had any sexual enticement or attraction with people bouncing on yoga balls, I replied “no”. He then told me there was no need to see a psychotherapist, so I didn’t see one.

    • This reply was modified 2 weeks, 5 days ago by Dude.
    #399540
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Dude:

    I indeed told (lawyers) about how I was having a hard time finding employment & how I was rejected multiple times because of the incident & showed him everything, including the video evidence & transcript. I even showed the lawyer a recent article that was published with my full name on it regarding the incident. The lawyer said… You’ve basically been a victim of cancel culture”.

    To practice cancel culture has a negative connotation: it means to unfairly reject a person or put pressure on a person so that he/ she (or others observing the goings-on) do not express opinions that are not in line with the accepted positions of a group of people; a way to censor fair and free speech.

    So, the lawyers suggested to you that the employers unfairly used the videotaped and transcribed yoga ball incident against you, meaning, there was nothing wrong that you did, during that incident?

    anita

    #399549
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Dude

    It might be a good idea to see that therapist.

    You have said some concerning things.

    When you fell out with that friend in the past you posted his contact number publicly. This would be called doxxing these days.

    You disabled your aunts cameras without permission.

    You don’t understand the sexual connotations of repeatedly demanding that someone bounce on a yoga ball surrounded by cameras that you disabled.

    And then you wanted him to defend you after that?

    You don’t understand why he refused because everyone bounces on your yoga ball. Are you asking multiple people to do this?

    You are obsessed with this person that you have hurt multiple times reconciling with you. And dismissive saying “it’s been 3 months he’s probably gotten over it”.

    Someone with healthy boundaries would not be friends with you after you doxxing them. This friendship could be unhealthy for your friend.

    A therapist might not be legally necessary but it is a good idea because you don’t seem to understand that these things are inappropriate. Perhaps it is important to figure out the impulses that lead you to do these inappropriate things?

    You could have been prosecuted for what happened with your aunt. If you continue to behave in inappropriate ways at some point you could end up doing something else that might actually result in prosecution.

    • This reply was modified 2 weeks, 4 days ago by Helcat.
    • This reply was modified 2 weeks, 4 days ago by Helcat.
    #399563
    Dude
    Participant

    Anita, thanks for keeping responding.

    So, the lawyers suggested to you that the employers unfairly used the videotaped and transcribed yoga ball incident against you, meaning, there was nothing wrong that you did, during that incident?

    I think it was the fact that basically everyone I knew including those in my club & other clubs were aware of the incident. Many members in my club have connections with architecture firms in my area & some I went to school with. As a club leader, I received many hate comments & death threats in my inbox from the public & those in my club regarding the situation. For many months I had to go through all that. Some went as far as publically calling me out & condemning my actions that day, with around 2 other clubs cutting our partnership. I think the lawyer meant had this incident not been public or have been blown up to this extent, I would’ve had a better chance securing the job.

    As for Helcat,

    You don’t understand why he refused because everyone bounces on your yoga ball. Are you asking multiple people to do this?
    Everyone as in everyone who’s been to my house. He was the only one who came over to my place in over a year. There are some of my own friends who came over to my house & those would just sit on the ball & “naturally” bounce without me saying anything… Sometimes I wouldn’t even notice. Even at the gym or in another’s house.

    Someone with healthy boundaries would not be friends with you after you doxxing them. This friendship could be unhealthy for your friend.
    My friend does not remember anything about our past (I even asked him). Knowing him for almost 10 years he is a very forgetful person… In past I remember sometimes he would show up late for a social outing with us & our friend group simply because he forgot the time we were supposed to meet! With your logic I don’t think he would’ve reached out to me at all, & probably would’ve ignored the mutual friend.

    I told my friend had I not helped him revert his decision, this incident would’ve haunted me for the rest of my life. Regardless if he forgave me for it. And it would take several years to regain my reputation, if it was even possible. Many more articles about this incident probably would’ve been published by other people.

    A therapist might not be legally necessary but it is a good idea because you don’t seem to understand that these things are inappropriate. Perhaps it is important to figure out the impulses that lead you to do these inappropriate things?
    This incident was the only instance where I’ve done something like this… I’ve also been told that it’s not the bouncing, it was the pressure, guilt-trip & demandful behaviour was the culprit. Although I’m a bit traumatized by my friend saying “this was the worst experience I’ve ever been through in my entire life”, I’m grateful that he gave me another opportunity to become friends with him again in the future.

    As I mentioned earlier in terms of my employment situation, we are waiting for the rest of the articles to be taken down off our community club in other servers & online. Once all references to the incident are removed I will start reapplying.

    #399564
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Dude

    Except it wasn’t the only incident, you already admitted that years prior you doxxed your “friend” during an argument. Perhaps he didn’t forget. Maybe this is why everything became so public and someone doxxed you?

    If you continue this relationship, next time you make a mistake with your friend it could end up online once again and further damage your reputation.

    You don’t have good judgment or any of the incidents mentioned would not have happened

    Actually what I’m suggesting is that your friend doesn’t have healthy boundaries which is why he forgave you and is considering continuing the relationship.

    #399676
    anita
    Participant

    Dude:

    Sometimes it is difficult for me to put a Dear in front of a member’s name, and this is one of these times. In your original post on December 18, 2021, you introduced the bouncing-on-the-yoga-ball incident:

    My friend… was also weirded out by me asking him to ‘bounce on a yoga ball'”.

    You soon added details to the incident: the two of you are males in your early 20s. Anticipating your male friend’s visit in the garage of your aunt’s home, just you and him, you disabled the cameras in the garage. There were no chairs in the garage, no sofa to sit on, the only options to sit were the floor or 2 giant yoga balls. You sat on one, he sat on the other. Almost immediately, you told him: “(name), you should bounce”! He said: “I don’t like bouncing… I wanted to sit on a chair”.

    You then again and again asked him to bounce. You pleaded with him: “Please man, cheer me up… please?” You tried to pressure him: “You’re kind of the only one that didn’t bounce, out of all my friends… I thought you said you liked it before? Like you enjoyed doing it before“. You tried to bribe him : “You sure you don’t wanna bounce?… I’ll buy you something“. You continued to plead with him: “Do it for like 5 seconds“.

    In communication with me, you expressed a concern that he will sue you in court. I asked you, on what legal basis, and you answered: “the video footage combined with our conversation can be used as evidence against me in court. I think it would be criminal harassment“.

    You shared that you were denied employment multiple times because the-bouncing-on-the-yoga-ball incident was a matter of public records to which potential employers had access.

    Yesterday, you shared that you saw lawyers on the matter: “I indeed told them about how I was having a hard time finding employment & how I was rejected multiple times because of the incident & showed him everything, including the video evidence & transcript. I even showed the lawyer a recent article that was published with my full name on it regarding the incident. The lawyer said there wasn’t much I could do in this situation, since the incident is now public information“.

    In a new thread yesterday, almost six months following your first thread, you yet again shared about the incident: “Friend felt very uncomfortable being in my garage because of the cameras, me asking & pleading hm to bounce on the ball, me having the garage closed“.

    I avoided doing this for months, but decided to do it today: I googled the topic of sex and bouncing on yoga balls, and there is plenty “ball bouncing masturbation videos” and “bounce on yoga ball porn videos”, and “yoga ball masturbation porn videos”, etc.

    You wrote yesterday: “The lawyer asked me if I had any sexual enticement or attraction with people bouncing on yoga balls, I replied “no”. He then told me there was no need to see a psychotherapist, so I didn’t see one” .

    I was stupid to not having fully figured it out earlier, but the shame is all on you. I figure you are having some lingering sexual fun talking about this, posting about it…. fooling people, lying to people. I hope that you change your ways, I really do, but it will not be in the context of communicating with me because I am left with disgust as a result of communicating with you and want no more of it.

    anita

     

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