July 14, 2017 at 10:03 pm #158208
I am struggling with where I am in life. The choices I have made were very not very good. I do understand now why I made the choices I made but that doesn't help me now. It appears that I still can not function normally and probably never will. I guess all I want now is peace of mind. I have to let go of my home & car as I can't hold down a job, part time. My pride seems to always be self destructive. Wondering if anyone has had this problem & if so what did you do to change ?
Thanks, JennaJuly 15, 2017 at 9:04 am #158266
You wrote that your choices in the past were not good, that you understand why you made them but it doesn't help you now. My question is then not why you made them, but how did your choice do you disservice, how did they not work for you?
anitaJuly 15, 2017 at 5:24 pm #158312
I grew up in a very chaotic & abusive household. When I finally broke free I didn't acknowledge those patterns and choose to function on alcohol. I see now the alcohol helped me continue on with what I thought was normal. As time when on and I grew older alcohol became a problem. When I acknowledged I needed to stop drinking at 45, I did. I then met a very, very abusive man and because I was looking at the world without alcohol I became a scared little girl and moved in with him. My world crumbled as I never allowed anyone to take care of me but due to my fear I gave up all freedom. I finally was able to break free of him but started suffering from a variety of problems. I have been living the best I could due to some saving but now at 63 everything is gone & for some reason I just can't seem to function. I keep trying to work but unable to hold down a job. I had a good career believe it or not at one time too but it was stressful and once I stopped drinking I could not deal with stress. If only I could put my pride away and just do the part time work without my ego in the way I might survive a little better. Once someone tries to control me or at least I perceive it that I must quit & quit with anger.July 16, 2017 at 6:51 am #158332
Congratulations for quitting alcohol at 45. I read your last post with interest. Regarding your current part time job, did I understand correctly, that someone there, maybe a supervisor, is trying to control you and you are considering quitting that job because of that someone?
If so, how is that person trying to control you?
anitaJuly 16, 2017 at 9:23 am #158352
I have already left. I was there 4 months. She would call an hour before I was due to start work and tell me to delay coming in for an hour or 2. She did this for the 1st 2 months. Then she had me clean the bathroom and empty the garbage. By the way this was an accounting position from a professional agency which they were paying $26. hr for me. Now because I left without notice the agency will not hire me anymore. I knew that would happen before I took the action I did. I tried calling the agency but they did not return my call. Where I live jobs are few.July 16, 2017 at 9:38 am #158364
I see: by “pride” you referred to not wanting to follow the unreasonable and unprofessional instructions by your supervisor.
You wrote in your original post: “all I want now is peace of mind”- I don't pray, but the following part of the serenity prayer is necessary for the peace of mind you need and want:
“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”-
Can't change the past, the action you took in your last job and the consequences of it. Can't change anything about the past, really, as it is lost to all of us. The present, that precious present is our only hope. Make the changes in the present, initiate changes, no matter how small, no matter how tiny. Make it a practice, to “change the things (you) can”- the practice itself will give you the sense of control that you do need for that peace of mind.
Again, no change is too small or too inconsequential.