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Emotional Struggle

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This topic contains 7 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  anita 4 days, 18 hours ago.

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  • #235927

    Laika
    Participant

    Hello, to give you a bit of background then I lost my mom 4 years ago due to cancer when I was 18 y/o. After that I struggled to finish my education (But did finish) and started on a new one October 2017 towards becoming a social health care assistant. My problem here is that I’ve often not felt like going at all, I wake up and just want to stay home and often end up calling in sick, which I know in the long run can damage the chances of me being able to finish it. I only finish in 2020 June, but I have a hard time figuring out how I can do better instead of feeling like I am ruining it for myself.

    I find myself feeling upset when they start to talk about the death of people as it reminds me of my mom and I sometimes wonder whether or not I am in the right field and if I should find something else or keep up with it since I do want to eventually work in a hospital.  Just often also feel like it takes nothing to make me tear up and cry.

    I did go to a psychologist in the past because of the loss of my mom which  I do feel helped.. But as things are now I’m often trying to come up with excuses to not go to school and practical training and I want to figure out why so I can change that.

     

    #236001

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Laika:

    Welcome back. You are attending school and  working, or do you work as part of your education in social health care?

    I also wonder if you still carry on the long distance relationship we  discussed in your previous thread, and whether you live alone?

    anita

    #236105

    Laika
    Participant

    Hi Anita, It’s a part of my education in social health care, I don’t have a job next to my education, sorry for the confusion.

    I currently live together with my dad and sis, so no I do not live alone.

    As for my LDR, we’re still together, but everything worked out and we’ve tried to communicate more together which helps a lot and he got the appointment to get his ID, which he will get done on the 25th of nov, since they had no other appointments before that. (I booked the appointment for him), and then we’ll be seeing each other for christmas since he’ll be coming here to visit me.

    #236201

    anita
    Participant

    Dear  Laika:

    I think working in a hospital is exciting.  June 2020 is a year and  a half from now,  I do hope you finish this part of your education and work in a hospital, which I s  what  you want to do.

    Losing your mother was and is still difficult for you. I wonder how it is living with your father  and sister, do they miss your mother as much  as you do, and  how are your relationships with them?

    Your boyfriend coming to visit you this Christmas, that is  exciting,  isn’t  it?

    anita

    #236221

    Laika
    Participant

    It is very exciting yeah.
    We have not been very good at talking about it in my family, but I do rarely talk with my dad if it comes up, just sometimes I feel that i’ll make it harder on my dad by talking about it too often. My dad have moved on and have started to look for a new woman, which we’re very supportive of my siblings and I.  I do talk to my sister sometimes too and just spend lots of time with our dogs and cats in the family too.

    I am excited to see my boyfriend in December, a lot. I really can’t wait for that time to come.

     

    #236239

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Laika:

    I need to  be away from the computer for about fifteen hours. I will read your recent short post and anything you might want to add to it, anything relevant to the topic of your thread when  I return. I will reply then.

    anita

     

    #236251

    Selkie
    Participant

    First of all, I’m very sorry to hear about your mother. That is a very hard thing to go through any time, but especially at such a young age. It sounds like you do have good support from your animal companions, sister and boyfriend, so that’s a blessing. Maybe you’re still processing your mother’s death. I get the impression that you stopped going to the psychologist. Have you tried going again? If you didn’t like the last one enough to go back, it might be a good idea to try another one. The right one can be a godsend. If you haven’t done it already, you might try finding other people- at school or online- who’ve specifically lost their mothers recently. It might help to talk to more people who’ve gone through the same thing.

    You said you know you want to work at a hospital. But you also say you wonder if you’re in the right field. Why the contradiction? Aside from your grief, are there other specific reasons that you don’t want to be at the hospital? If there’s something about the field that you don’t like, that’s probably a huge reason  you’re calling in sick. What attracted you to this field in the first place? Maybe if you think hard about it and write down the reasons in a journal, you might become enthusiastic about it again. But if you want to do something else, what would you want to do? Maybe you could write that down in the journal too. It might be that your lack of  motivation is a sign that you’re in the wrong field. Or it might not be. Writing your reasons for your choices might make you feel better about making a decision.

     

    #236273

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Laika:

    I re-read your September thread and I think I found the reason for your lack of motivation there. Here are quotes from your posts followed  by my comments today:

    You wrote there about your current LDR boyfriend: “I do really love him, but i’m wondering if all the anger and frustration is worth it”- I think that all this anger and frustration exhausted you over time and is the reason you are unmotivated to get out of bed and continue your education.

    Regarding him applying  for work, so to proceed toward a future living together with you, you wrote: “I just don’t know  how long I  need to wait…I  can’t wait  anymore when I don’t know  when we can live together, when he’ll get a job “- you waited  for too long and still waiting, tired of waiting.

    “I don’t feel that it’s fair towards him that  I get annoyed with him… I feel sad for him since I feel i’m being  the mean girlfriend and he deserves better”- guilt is added to the anger and frustration and tiredness of waiting.

    “I do feel that it’s not him that’s the problem, but the distance and that’s what is making  me feel so torn and confused”- add torn and confused to the exhausting feelings!

    Then September 25 you broke up with him but he (and his mother) told you that you should wait longer, that you should  be more patient and you gave in to the  pressure. You wrote about a prior relationship, “In my last relationship I tried to break up 3 times and  only last time  I didn’t give into pressure”- add to the anger, frustration, being tired of waiting, being torn and confused, and feeling guilty, add to all these the disappointment in yourself for giving in to pressure, and  no wonder you lost the motivation to get out of bed.

    You wrote there: “I’ve never really been alone for that long since I was 13-14 y/o… which mean I  never really tried to actually just be ‘me'”-

    Being you, that means not giving  in to pressure, feeling  the fear of being  alone and staying  alone anyway, building confidence in yourself that you are able to  be  alone, not in a relationship, that is.  Being you is no longer compromising so much of yourself so to not be  alone. It is about acting  the ways you believe are right, not  giving in to that unjustified guilt.

    It is  not easy “to actually just be ‘me”, but  it is  not easy living without motivation  either. The price of giving in to  pressure and guilt is high, as  well as giving up your own reasoning and logic for someone else’s promises.

    anita

     

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