June 13, 2019 at 11:04 am #298957
I wonder how you are feeling, if your headache is gone, if you got enough sleep and if you took the two final exams?
anitaJune 13, 2019 at 11:21 am #298961
I slept 4 hours last night. I should be at my exam now. I feel very angry with myself. My headache is still here. I called my grandma early this morning because I knew she would be the one to motivate me because I don’t want to disappoint her it is easy to disappoint myself. She asked me why would I call her the morning of an exam, told me I was smart and wished me luck. I don’t know how I got here when I was so determined not to be here. It is like I am missing common sense.June 13, 2019 at 11:22 am #298963
how are you?June 13, 2019 at 11:28 am #298967
Am I understanding correctly: you are not and will not be taking any of the two exams today, and if not today, when will be your next opportunity to take these two exams?
(I am almost fine, thank you. My lower back is hurting some, sore, so I need to pay attention and not strain it).
anitaJune 13, 2019 at 11:34 am #298971
Yes it is good you are taking caution to not injure any further. I don’t know to both of those questions but I wish I could restart the day.June 13, 2019 at 11:39 am #298975
Are you not going to take the exams today/ is it too late for you to take both exams today?
anitaJune 13, 2019 at 11:40 am #298977
* didn’t reflect under TopicsJune 13, 2019 at 11:47 am #298983
It is too late and I take responsibility of the consequences. It was not a very wise minded behavior. Thank you for talking with me.I don’t know why I signed myself up for classes to do this to myself. It is money I will have to pay back. I can work. Maybe I need that structure of work with people interactions. I don’t know but I practice distress tolerance.June 13, 2019 at 11:52 am #298985
Is it the conversation with your father, him telling you about his recent drinking spree, his hospitalization and depression yesterday that brought about you missing your exams today?
anitaJune 13, 2019 at 11:55 am #298987
I don’t know what did. I tried calling him again last night to make sure he was ok. He is mixing alcohol with other substances and he sounded like he wasn’t sober told me he would call me back but never did.
I think it was my weakness to not tolerate the bully in my head and hide from situations that make it worse but I can’t hide it is dysfunctional.June 13, 2019 at 12:08 pm #298995
“I think it was my weakness”- I think that your most recent interactions with your father, the night before two important final exams robbed you from much needed strengths and rendered you weak.
Perhaps you shouldn’t interact with your father anymore?
anitaJune 13, 2019 at 12:15 pm #299003
My father never shames me. He is just struggled with addictions and being absent. I never lived with him. But it does hurt to see him go from sober to self destructive over and over. To have him here and then worry. I honestly feel it in my gut he doesn’t have much time left. He is across the country I haven’t seen him in two years. When I was a teenager I use to yell at him when I found out he was hiding his relapse from me. I feel bad about that.June 13, 2019 at 12:17 pm #299005
I could just call him once a month maybe when I don’t need my reserves for anything else. I see your point. I felt like he does actually love me he is just sickJune 13, 2019 at 12:27 pm #299007
“I felt like he does actually love me he is just sick”- we children (of any age), do our best to believe that our parents love us. I figure your father felt love for you at times, but most of the time he has been otherwise occupied and not thinking about your well being.
If calling him once a month, that is you choosing when to call him (for ex. not the night before an important exam), that can work.
Learn from this experience and limit your communication with your father, so that you can move toward with your healing instead being dragged backward by his sickness.
anitaJune 13, 2019 at 12:43 pm #299015
This makes sense. I stopped going to Al anon meetings because whenever I went I would cry and cry and tap into those feelings. It didn’t feel like it was helping. Like calling him I will never know which state he is in. He use to call me 2 times a day to remind me to do 2 sets of push ups like we were strength training together. Last summer he bought me a ticket to visit him and his sister while he was trying to quit smoking and he did for a few months. I stopped crying and calmed down. I hope your back feels better.