January 13, 2021 at 11:21 am #372755
That makes sense. I give my dog a bath often because his beard gets wet food in it sometimes and I try using the face whitening shampoo he gave me because my dogs face gets stained. I just got some new fake grass for his little back patio lawn. I tried using real grass before and it just became so muddy. So heavy to change. Maybe if I purchased a little shower head giving my dog daily baths would be easier. Using a cup with water takes a bit of time because I have to cup my hands with the water as it pours on his face. Thankfully my dog is so patient with me. I feel gross because I should of changed his grass sooner. And I should give him a bath every day too for his eye goop. I try to use face wipes but it doesn’t do much.
I am not stuck by self anger and will keep taking steps to make it better.January 13, 2021 at 12:29 pm #372757
It is not easy to take care of a pet, and therefore a pet’s mom life is .. well, not easy. Reads like you are doing an excellent job at it! I am glad to read that you are not stuck in self-anger!
anitaJanuary 14, 2021 at 8:41 am #372793
Being a pet mom is something I will always wish to be. This is kind of funny but after all the fuss over a new little spray shower head (I purchased one and tried installing it) lol I didn’t not install it well so that a leak happened under my sink. I think the seal wasn’t perfect so it created back flow of water and I am not using it. I thought it was funny and thankfully nothing was damaged and the sink doesn’t leak now.
I also thinks it is really fun that you also worked in a lab 🙂 I have a later start today for work but still woke up early so I could have some time of my day and with animals. I hope you have a wonderful day Anita!January 14, 2021 at 8:54 am #372795
Thank you Zeeza for wishing me a wonderful day, I wish you- best pet mom- a wonderful day as well!
anitaJanuary 15, 2021 at 11:02 am #372847
thank you for saying I am a good pet mom. It has been an interesting 24 hours. I went to work and the gentleman I was seeing was going to take a trip to the forest so asked to bring my dogs when he brought him back his leg was injured and his harness lost. He said it didn’t seem like he was super injured but when I was jumping in the car he did stop to let out a whimper so I have an appt tomorrow for my dog to be seen. He didn’t eat breakfast but I made little steps to the couch and basically made the place jump proof. I wish I could just take care of him today but hopefully tomorrow the bet can give us an anti inflammatory or something. It just makes me sad when he is in pain. I didn’t get angry or blame this guy because my dog does jump a lot as is and I sometimes lose the harness but I was so tempted to do that? And I’m glad I didn’t because I just want a solution not more tension.
I hope the sunshine is bright where you are Anita!January 15, 2021 at 11:16 am #372850
You are welcome: you are a good pet mom, I just wish it was an easier job for you. To responsibly care for a pet is a tough job!
anitaJanuary 15, 2021 at 9:48 pm #372907
Yes being responsible can be tough and thank you for your patience I am so sorry there were so many typos in my last message. I will do my best to slow down.
Casper isn’t limping as hard tonight so I’m elated that it isn’t becoming worse. I was thinking if it was really bad he might need an X-ray but the vet will let me know tomorrow. Aha I have to wake up very early tomorrow 🙂
I felt a lot of anger towards the end of my day and I am not sure why but I tried my best to just take deep breaths and reframe any thoughts. I was having weird thoughts like it doesn’t matter how much I finish there will always be more and I’ll never get ahead or I’m just going to keep making mistakes slowing down and the faster I can go the sooner I can go home to my animals.?and I reframe all of these thoughts by thinking it really is one step at a time and I can’t control when I will make a mistake it just happens. The frustration keeps building up though I feel like I can laugh about it now because I feel like I sound like an old person.
I have been looking for a safer more affordable place to move into this spring. And I found a potential male roommate. The place is in the woods by a lake and my pets are welcomed. He told me his previous roommate didn’t work out because that roommate had 2 more people move in. Anyways it seems like it could be a good fit since he has an earlier work schedule and mine is later and I really do wish to be back in nature. I am just not sure what questions to ask or what boundaries to think of when finding a roommate. I have lived alone for a long time but this will save $400 a month and there will be peace and quiet (lol I sound like I am old). change is scary sometimes but I have been craving to move for a long time. I still live around the corner from my ex best friend that ended years ago. Feel like it would help to have a fresh start but a bit stressful to think of living with someone.
How is your day so far?
ZeezaJanuary 16, 2021 at 4:49 am #372912
My day so far is fine, it just started, thank you. Moving to a safer and more affordable place this spring, a place in the woods by a lake, sounds wonderful. Choosing a roommate to share such a place is crucial as to your quality of life there: it will be peace and quiet if you and your roommate will get along very well.
anitaJanuary 16, 2021 at 10:19 am #372924
That makes sense and I also worry about the anxiety I might have trying to be a good roommate. I will do my best to figure it out I have a month thankfully.
I am feeling ver anxious and woke up feeling really angry and feel like I switch back and forth between the two. Last night I got a little snappy at a coworker who was just trying to remind me to take a lunch. I apologized and he told me he couldn’t even tell I was cranky. But the flashes of anger is what concerns me because I don’t want to spread bad vibes and not see clearly
I ended up asking my boss what is the chance of being able to take today off so I can take care of my dog and chill out and she said I could that she would rather have me be healthy and put some work aside that for me to be burned out.
I haven’t called out since February so I thought this was ok. I don’t want to make it an emotional habit of coping with stress by calling out but I don’t want to become snappy towards people. My lungs feel weird as I type this like a tightness in my chest that I use to get before a panic attack would start. So I try to breathe it out.
I feel really grateful to be able to take care today and will not waste it in anger.January 16, 2021 at 10:27 am #372925
“Last night I got a little snappy at a coworker.. I apologized and he told me he couldn’t even tell I was cranky”- reads like you felt anger, you then assumed that you expressed that anger in behavior, but you did not, not enough to be noticed. Don’t criticize yourself for feeling anger. Focus on treating others fairly no matter how you feel. If you try to not feel angry, or to not feel any particular feeling- it will backfire. Let yourself feel whatever you feel and focus on what you say and do= on your behavior.
A day off reads right for you. Please relax best you can, let yourself rest.
anitaJanuary 17, 2021 at 10:19 pm #372996
Today felt like a lot less resistance was within me and it felt like the pressure of finishing tasks was lifted to become a flow of steps. In addition to my dogs health I also forgot to take my medication for one day and I am not sure how that immediately influences things but it did seem like my mind was ruminating more quickly.
this makes sense that it’s okay to feel however and use this energy of the emotion to check in with what I do or say or what need is being neglected? Like being hungry can make me more stressed. Or if I feel lonely or like I don’t belong I become more self critical.
This reminds me of when I wrote to you awhile back that I could feel how the power of my choices influenced how I felt. Because I use to have a mindset of it doesn’t matter what I do I may always feel this way of sadness. Which I know isn’t true logically and emotionally.
when I took my dog to the vet she couldn’t tell his leg was injured and I just started crying out of frustration trying to explain how he holds his paw out. She then replied that maybe he has adrenaline going through him because he does feel very stiff. I noticed when we got back he wasn’t hold his leg out as often so I am wondering if perhaps when the vet checked his range of motion she put his shoulder in place. Like maybe he has a slight shoulder dislocation. He is coughing a lot less today compared to yesterday and is more interested in smelling plants. Sometimes when he is stressed nothing seems to interest him. So it is a relief to see him feeling better.
I think what frustrates me is that I don’t particular know why I become angry or sad so it makes it difficult to take care of what the emotion is trying to convey. I think the only way I suppress potentially negative emotions is saying be grateful and stop going down a negative thought pattern.
I think some part of me some part of my inner child still wishing for approval from my mom. To be recognized of deserving respect. I haven’t had contact and I try my best not to think on it.
Thank you for sharing your insight and I’ll try my best to feel with self-compassion.January 18, 2021 at 6:38 am #373017
I hope that you remember to take your medication on time and I am glad to read that your dog is feeling better.
You asked: “it’s okay to feel however.. and check in with what I do or say or what need is being neglected? Like being hungry.. lonely”- yes, to check in (aka being mindful of) every day with what you feel and what you need leads you to make better choices, feel better and be emotionally healthier one day at a time.
“I don’t particularly know why I become angry or sad so it makes it difficult to take care of what the emotion is trying to convey”- when your dog appears sad and you don’t know why (he can’t tell you)- what do you do? You have a checklist in your mind, I imagine: did he eat enough, did he sleep enough.. maybe he needs a walk outside so to relieve himself or run around for a while, etc. Have a similar checklist in mind for yourself.
We sometimes have an emotional memory that pops up spontaneously, or following a minor trigger that is too small to notice- better to not over-analyze those daily emotional memories.
anitaJanuary 20, 2021 at 3:30 pm #373222
Happy Inauguration Day!
My dog’s coughing has become worse but the cough medication I gave him this morning seems to help. It is just hard because he is either sleeping or coughing and very rarely awake with out coughing. I thought that maybe I should start recording the times he coughs in a day so I can better track if he is having more of on and off flare ups or just gradually getting worse? I am at a loss with what to do because they say he can’t have surgery for it and that steroids make it worse longterm even though it helps in the short-term. I am sure he doesn’t like having labored breathing either. I would get emotionally overwhelmed and go to the bathroom and put music in my ears then that turned into me holding him trying to comfort him with singing which seemed to help him get to relax. I was singing the lyrics you deserve love from a song called Welcome to the Family.
I made some art but haven’t accomplished much else yet because I honestly just wish to do all I can to prevent him from coughing and it feels like when I move around room to room he wants to follow which can make him cough. I think he might be in a deep enough nap now to try to get some other tasks done.
I haven’t spent much time with the gentleman I was dating. Even though we discussed how I was interpreting his feedback as criticism instead of a genuinely caring feedback it is hard to feel otherwise. He recently sent me a link about how covid survivors are still having symptoms mentioning how this is Casper (since casper can’t stop coughing). When he returned casper last week and casper had his leg injured I cried. When I cried I said I am not ready for a new normal as I set up cushions to try to make it easier for Casper to get around. After I had calmed a bit he said “can we talk about the funniest thing you said?” and I was like what? and he said that it was funny that I said I am not ready for a new normal. I told him that was the saddest part because it feels like with each new ailment comes with a different way we exist. To which he said yeah change is hard. I am not holding. grudge over this but it feels like I am holding a grudge for when he jokingly told me get in the shower or I will slap you while laughing. It makes me angry that he said it then and that he said it now. Because I didn’t feel like I was being treated as an intelligent being.
Work had a wide company meeting and explained why no one is getting a raise anytime soon and that we are just glad we got through covid without layoffs. I feel a bit frustrated about that since I have gained more skills and do different roles and worked there for over a year. I am grateful to have a job and learn but maybe even having a proper job title change would help even without a raise. I haven’t worked up the courage to ask..
Part of me really feels a pull to change jobs, be single, and place of living all at once. But it is healthier to try to work out what already exists instead of starting fresh with something else that will also have a host of problems to resolve. And I honestly don’t know when it will be the end for my dog either or how to tell when it is time for him. I haven’t talked to my vet about it and thought they would bring up his quality of life and what we can or can’t do to manage it and when we hit a wall.
“We sometimes have an emotional memory that pops up spontaneously, or following a minor trigger that is too small to notice- better to not over-analyze those daily emotional memories” I agree with this sentiment because I am trying to build new daily emotional memories to replace the old. Instead of overanalyzing and deciphering the old I would rather choose my focus on how I would choose to feel and what choices follow suit.January 20, 2021 at 4:14 pm #373225
Another aspect of why I don’t think this is healthy bond
When I said I felt dizzy and maybe I should sit don’t know if I have low blood sugar and he replied blood sugar Bi***
When I was emotional a long time ago like october? I was crying because of my dog needing so many teeth pulled etc and said sorry perhaps I am so emotional because I am on my period to which he replied Period Bi***
I think during this time i thought he was trying to just make a joke but now looking back it felt just like a stamp label instead of seeing me with what I am sharing.January 20, 2021 at 4:42 pm #373226
Happy Inauguration Day, Zeeza!
I read part of your two posts and am sorry Casper’s coughing is worse. I will read the rest of your posts (and anything you may add), and reply Thurs. morning. Try to have a restful night, hope it is a restful night for you and your pets.