February 19, 2021 at 12:46 pm #374917
Exciting indeed! I suggest that you take two hours lunch, just in case the phone interview starts later than expected or lasts longer than expected. What to tell them- tell them you have personal business to attend to, no need to elaborate. If asked further, say something like: it’s personal, that’s why I prefer to not elaborate on it.
anitaFebruary 20, 2021 at 8:38 am #374979
the sun is out today I hope you can enjoy it and that your body is healing. I will give work a heads up about needing a longer lunch today.
itvwas odd I was telling my boyfriend my plans and have been sharing them but I don’t think he wants me to leave work. He didn’t say that specifically but he made some points about COVID would be a good reason to keep jobs. Anyways after I told him I had an interview he stayed at work to work 12 hour shift instead of hanging out with me. The work he did was for the next day. And I asked him what was motivating him and he said money. And I asked is there something specific ? And he was like so I can go skating in Europe at some point and I am like that’s cool. I guess I am just confused because he already had a lot of savings and doesn’t pay rent so I am confused on why he is motivated to work so many hours. Anyways I told him I am excited to see him skate and do the things he loves and that I wish work didn’t take so much time away.
I am going to practice my phone interview skills tonight. I woke up and my body is just so sore for the repeated motions in the lab. My hand bothered me yesterday from pipetting so much for the first time. Two coworkers came to me and shared there fears. First one said he talked to the owner why he wasn’t getting the monthly bonus sharing that everyone else is getting and he was told he was lowering morale by the owner by asking, and then the owner said he can join the program next month. I told him I am glad he advocated for himself. Another coworker told me that after working so many hours and not being able to drive in because of snow he was told he makes mistakes even though we have been so busy and having to work extra hard he needs to be carefully. He told me this comment from management made him feel replaceable. I said sometimes words can seem harsh over text I have experienced feed back like that as well and tried to clarify in person but yes having constructive feed back is helpful instead of just being told do better. I am trying to not feel guilty for quitting when if I do. Because my job wouldn’t feel guilty for firing me like they did for the two others. I feel like a positive leader and don’t like leaving a stressed out crew. But it is what it is
zeezaFebruary 20, 2021 at 9:32 am #374984
I copied and pasted something from Wikipedia into your thread and it triggered the Awaiting Moderation feature. I will repeat from memory what I submitted above:
Thank you, I think that I completely healed from the fall of a week ago. Regarding your body being sore from “repetitive motions in the lab”, such as pipetting: Repetitive Strain Injuries (RSI) are caused by performing a narrow range of movement, often by the hands, while the whole body is fixed in one position, sitting or standing. Examples: pipetting (while standing) or typing (while sitting).
I hope that you get the new job you are applying for because if I understand correctly, it will involve a wider range of movements: getting up, walking around, and performing a variety of tasks with your hands, so way lesser chance of RSIs, plus I hope Employee Morale will be better at the new work place.
In regard to your boyfriend: his communication skills, at least in the context of a personal, intimate relationship are not that great, to put it mildly, so it takes skill and patience to understand what he thinks, feels and how he operates. In other words, getting to know him is not easy.
anitaFebruary 20, 2021 at 9:43 am #374983
Thank you, I think that I completely healed from the fall a week ago. I hope you get the job that you will be applying for today, that it will be easier on your body: no repeating small movements like pipetting.
Pipetting for too long can cause Repetitive Strain Injury (RSI), which is “caused by repetitive use, vibrations, compression or long periods in a fixed position” (Wikipedia). Carpal tunnel syndrome is an example of an RSI caused by typing for too long, the repeated vibrations and compression of the hands while in the same position for too long.
The Employee Morale at your current workplace seems to be low and that’s the management failing, too bad. Your boyfriend’s interpersonal communication skills are not as evolved as yours, so it is not as easy to tell what he is thinking and feeling.
Hopefully the new job will allow you wider-range of movements (getting up, walking, doing this and that) vs. sitting down or standing up for a long time performing a narrow-range of movements such as pipetting and typing.
A <b>repetitive strain injury</b> (<b>RSI</b>) is an injury to part of the musculoskeletal or nervous system caused by repetitive use, vibrations, compression or long periods in a fixed position.<sup id=”cite_ref-NJ_1-0″ class=”reference”></sup> Other common names include repetitive stress disorders, cumulative trauma disorders (CTDs), and overuse syndrome.<sup id=”cite_ref-:1_2-0″ class=”reference”></sup>February 20, 2021 at 9:58 pm #375013
I am so glad you are healed from the fall! Thank you I hope I get it and it is a constructive work culture. I don’t expect everything to be perfect but at the very least it will be easier on my body.
I haven’t heard of RSI before and it makes sense I asked to do tasks that were easier on my left hand today and that worked out well.
<b>So these long paragraphs are also a reflection of why I really do want to quit. And not feel guilty for quitting. While also recognizing that I Don’t need to let the negativity keep riling me up about what injustice I perceive.</b>
I was letting my mind and body get worked up today over little things at work and I tried to just go calm down my anger so I don’t say or do anything that is rude. I was really trying to figure out what was triggering the anger. And it feels like the work week plays in my mind as a reel of wanting to get home to Casper and I feel that I have resentment. The quote from management in the other room the day before my dog died while I am still at work rings in my head way too often ” I don’t understand taking time off for an Animal” and the anger is strong especially since I still showed up to work but worked shorter days.
I thought if I feel this strongly and behave in a negative way it may be best for me to just put in my notice sooner than later. But I want security above anything else and I don’t trust that quitting without having a job lined up is ever a good idea unless I have savings. Then I thought about just telling my manager I am looking so please plan to replace me. But then I realized I don’t trust that would go well, as in I don’t trust for them to try to make the best out of the situation for themselves without considering me. Which is why I am in every department at whim to move into any role depending on what they want. I guess the anger started when my lab manager randomly posts corrections. There is no need to post the correction in my opinion but to just correct it. This was a correction of what sub type category something is. She didn’t say why or what to do to prevent the error just a post of what is corrected. And it feels like my anger comes from how we handle mistakes here. I feel like I am always under a close eye because every department watches me for mistakes where as before it would be just one department.
But I will never forget the day when I worked so extremely hard doing nearly twice the work I normally do on a good day, so much so that everything was ahead of schedule. My manager comes in and tells me to take it easy and I say I am doing this because I am trying to optimize time so our work days aren’t so long. And she was sort of in an angry tone and in my memory it felt like she was trying to “put me in my place”. Anyways I looked at what she messaged me right after this feedback and she messaged me that pictures I took slightly far away for one project and if I needed help trying to figure out how to take a picture she is there. I took pictures for 3 projects that day. I started to cry a little since i read this after her telling me my work is not what was asked for. And I said well the camera distance is fixed so if you want to adjust that we need to change the hardware. So we did. But that night felt like she wasn’t giving me feedback she was trying to make me feel incompetent. After I tried optimizing time like that the upper management picked it up and started asking all of the lab to do it. I learned quickly to start posting my ideas publicly otherwise my manager will just shoot them down. After that camera incident she did leave a note on my desk that said you are awesome don’t forget. So a part of me has been trusting towards her while another part of me feels constantly defensive. I do know one of my emotional weak spots is a fear of being shamed and I like to think I can handle feedback. When my coworkers tell me things I don’t feel any emotions about it just glad to learn.
end of work reflection
I was going to post a picture of Harry on a cat fanpage and ended up seeing all of the beautiful pictures of Casper and a couple with all of us. I realize this will be awhile until I am healed. It is like trying to schedule crying by not looking at reminders until it is safe.
As for my boyfriend I think you articulated it well: “his communication skills, at least in the context of a personal, intimate relationship are not that great, to put it mildly, so it takes skill and patience to understand what he thinks, feels and how he operates. In other words, getting to know him is not easy.”
I try to ask meaningful questions and it is like he has a long pause of deciding if he wants to answer or not. Which is okay but it does make it hard to understand what is meaningful for him. I do still have anger or a grudge from when he called casper a used up toy even though he did cry when casper passed. It just feels like a lot of my anger comes around anything that gets in between casper and I. Another thing I thought of is if I change jobs he won’t have as much potential influence in my life. I mean I have never worked with someone I am in a relationship in and we don’t really interact but sometimes I think he sees it as a substitute of oh we said hello at work for communication. I guess what I am trying to say is I notice when he is angry or stressed he is cold and can say harsh things. But underneath it all he really cares. I don’t know. I don’t trust fully very easily as I have before. but really think he does have good intentions.
<b>I hope perhaps in the coming days to make a moving plan so I can get it all done at a good pace since I have the first time luxury ever to have a month to move. </b>I find that sometimes a lot of change at once makes me happy like I am free. Like how I first felt when I moved out west when I was 18. I just hope to keep stability instead of impulsively changing without a contingency plan.February 21, 2021 at 9:17 am #375021
You are welcome and thank you. I understand your anger about the comment the day before Casper died. It makes me sad that the comment was made and that you heard it. Your anger otherwise is also understandable and I am glad that you are more considerate of your need to have a new job lined up before quitting the current, than being considerate of the (inconsiderate/ highly critical and unappreciative) employers’ need to replace you sooner than later. The lab will survive a few days without you.
We should be careful about what we say because some words can not be forgotten or forgiven, for example the boyfriend telling you that Casper is “a used up toy”- he can’t take those words back, but he should deeply and sincerely apologize to you and to Casper’s spirit, or memory.
How would he feel if someone referred to him as a used up son, or a used up man, or a used up employee and so forth.. and maybe someone did refer to him in such a way… (?)
“I notice when he is angry or stressed he is cold and can say harsh things. But underneath it all he really cares”- I understand. He needs to access his underneath then, when he is angry or stressed, instead of lashing out.
“sometimes a lot of change at once makes me happy like I am free… I just hope to keep stability instead of impulsively changing without a contingent plan”- I am impressed, Zeeza, by your good logic, sensibility and awareness, you have my Wow!
anitaFebruary 21, 2021 at 4:21 pm #375045
thank you for recognizing my growing sense of awareness. I am trying not to cry as I type this but it was a rough day with work that I wasn’t expecting. I had the privilege to work from home and I followed the instructions given to me but my manager started doing the tasks she asked me to do just a couple minutes before I was about to start my next task the manager jumped right on it. Because I wasn’t fast enough for her I think. And what upset me was when I asked a question so I could complete the project instead of answering she just took it over and finished. My only questions was why are the controls so off and does it influence our calibration curve and she said no and then just finished it.
then I got upset because she messaged me the exact words I started early I’m burning out so just forget it. and I said I hope you can take a break soon. I was trying to figure out why I was failing so hard in her eyes and I realized it was because she told me the wrong instructions. She wanted me to look at data but gave me the wrong place to look and so instead of seeing her communication error she just got mad at me for not listening or something.
anyways she asks me to just keep looking at the data as it becomes available so I’ll basically be working on and off through the rest of the night.
but on top of all of this the power went out in the lab so I couldn’t finish what I was doing so I said I don’t know how to help in a power outage but I am coming in to see if I can help with certain things. Immediately I was told don’t come in by two people and I am like okay thank you for letting me know I won’t come in. But I don’t know why I wouldn’t be helpful especially since care might be needed with a power outage. Honestly I just feel like I got yelled at for being wrong all day but nobody spoke a word to me it is all through text. So I could be misinterpreting but if feels like if I don’t quit I worry to be fired about these invisible expectations I can’t keep up with. The same manager who told me to just forget it never finished training me and doesn’t remember what she hasn’t taught me yet so she asks do you know how to do XYZ and I am like no I haven’t had the chance to. The one day I did I was balancing customer phone calls and I was too slow since I was learning as well that someone else finished it to help out.
I truly wish he never said those words it feels awful and I feel like I am not being respected at work or something I don’t know if I am playing it up in my mind. If I felt talked down to. And I am just so tired of being talked down to or harsh things said do I put out some sort of meek vibe that says yes please dump your blame on me, I don’t get it? Like is it the way I carry myself?February 21, 2021 at 7:37 pm #375049
So instead of worrying about work I went and picked up caspers ashes. He is in a beautiful wooden box and they even gave me another paw print that is beautiful.
I am sorry about the long post above Anita I think I was having a triggered moment of feeling nothing I could do would ever be right and I think I needed to journal it out and separate myself from the intensity of what I was feeling. Sometimes it feels like emotions are so intense that it feels like my Identity. I feel bad so I must be bad kind of logic. I am really happy to have Casper home though even if in ashes form.February 21, 2021 at 8:03 pm #375058
I am sorry you had such a tough day at work! I didn’t read all of your recent posts because I am not very focused at this time and will read/ re-read Mon morning. I see that you have Casper home, “in ashes form”, as strange as it sounds, I miss Casper too. Be back to you in about 10 hours.
anitaFebruary 22, 2021 at 8:43 am #375067
“I asked a question so I could complete the project, instead of answering she just took it over and finished.. she told me the wrong instructions.. she just got mad at me… I feel like I am not respected at work or something, I don’t know if I am playing it up in my mind. If I felt talked down to”- at the least, she was insensitive to you, caring about completing the task quickly, and not about you, the person behind the task. She is a bad manager, if this behavior on her part happened more than once or twice, and without apology.
“it feels like if I don’t quit I worry to be fired about these invisible expectations… do I put out some sort of meek vibe that says yes, please dump your blame on me?”- imagine that the manager is unlikely to fire you because unlike a new employees who will be hired if you are fired, one who may express anger back at her, you do not. She may want you there just for that purpose: to be able to be rude to you without consequence to her.
I imagine that indeed you “put out some sort of meek vibe” because your primary focus is to not offend others (not to see to it that others do not offend you). People with an over-active inner critic censor themselves but give others the freedom to do the mistreatment.
“I feel bad so I must be bad kind of logic”- that’s the logic of an over-active inner critic: “I must be bad”, I must be the guilty one. If you had an over-active outer critic, your logic would have been: she/ he/ they are bad, they are the guilty ones.
Key is to be aware that your inner critic is indeed over-active, to objectively evaluate a situation and figure out your and others’ culpability.
February 22, 2021 at 4:27 pm #375076
- This reply was modified 1 week, 1 day ago by anita.
That makes sense. And to follow up with today before I read your post I made a panic plan really to try to appease my boss. So started work 3 hours earlier than I was scheduled to get data out. This data was marked as rush so it needed to be completed before my shift started. Turns out I was the only one paying attention to notice that this project needed to be completed. And I didn’t have the skills (because I wasn’t trained yet) to fix a major problem. Thankfully I asked for help from another boss who I knew was already awake and not burnt out. We just barely got the project out in time. But by this time my mind and body was so tense my back started hurting and it felt like all my adrenaline was flooding my system.
The manager who we were referring to in the previous post, as you said likes to express her anger towards me because she knows it is safe to do so. I asked her a question about data today, and she didn’t understand what I asked and just wrote “Yes! Go ahead.” So I rephrased my question and she gave me an accurate answer- if the data needed to be redone or not which it didn’t. Anyways I messaged her how can I best help? She ignored me for 30 minutes (actually she never did respond directly to me)but anyways the director was like It is not okay to put all this work on a junior like me and started a group chat on how we need to fix this system and we all shared with how certain things are burning certain people out. There are multiple managers at work so we all brainstormed and that was when I got more clear direction. I asked this manager again how can I best help? and she still didn’t give me instructions after 3 hours so I clocked out. I actually just started asking for directions from another manager since she responds and use to manage me when I was lab only instead of data. Anyways It was an exhausting day but it feels good to know that many managers are available to problem solve.
That job interview just emailed me a rescheduled time for the phone interview. Didn’t ask me an alternative time just sent me a reschedule date instead. I thought this was a bit unprofessional? For the recruiter to cancel and reschedule without asking me what would be a better alternative ?
So I did make it clear to one manager that I was being ignored by the other manager which is why I was asking for direction. I didn’t say the word ignore just that I didn’t get a response. But it definitely seems like ignoring because she responded to other things publicly. If I were to have a balanced inner and outer critic how would I advocate for myself to request better communication? I don’t know if I made her more mad by trying to appease her because it may not not reflecting well on her. These are things I can’t control. I did my best to control what was possible to control.
I was really hoping to have that interview today but now I am not so trusting with their organization.
The new place called and asked me to sign the lease via internet. I am use to signing a lease in person after a walk through so I didn’t sign it yet. She called me to ask me to sign (my move in date is suppose to be the 26th) and I explained what I am use to. The leasing lady said we will do all of that on move in day and getting the lease signed helps her on her end to get it all set up. That seemed weird to me but I do plan to sign the lease soon. I just have these weird second guesses. Been trying to let it sink in that I am moving there. I mean I did already purchase a portable washer so I don’t know what I am hesitant about.February 22, 2021 at 5:06 pm #375078
Regarding the possible new job, the new apartment- there aren’t many if any companies and businesses that operate without some dysfunction, so better expect it everywhere, and function your best within the dysfunction.
You asked the unresponsive manager, “how can I best help?”- don’t ask her that anymore and avoid engaging with her, better not initiate unnecessary contact with an unresponsive or rude person. You are doing well overall, Zeeza, you are logical and sensible, keep at it, one step, one day at a time.
It was raining crazy here a while ago, then the sun came out and I went for my walk: great weather after all.
anitaFebruary 22, 2021 at 7:03 pm #375081Aiyana HendersonParticipant
Dear Zeeza and Anita:
This whole thread sounds problematic to me in regards to your current work environment. Zeeza, I won’t lie. I am pretty concerned for you. Even though we’re strangers on the Internet, I don’t want all of this to drain your energy. I’ve been in your shoes. I don’t know what your passions are in regards to having another job. Do you want to be an accountant, lawyer, or an art therapist perhaps? To top that off, I really want you to find a therapist who specializes in grief. Some people might argue that losing a pet isn’t the same thing as losing a loved one who’s human, but it was still your dog. You created this intense, wonderful bond with Casper when you first laid eyes on him. You took him in your home when no other person would. He’s been there for you in the ups and downs of life more than your own boyfriend and job has ever had for you.
I know it doesn’t seem possible now, but you can stand on your own two feet. I’m also not saying that you should do this, but you should seriously consider breaking up with your boyfriend. I haven’t heard one good thing about this guy and I don’t want a biased opinion of him, but everything you’ve told us about him seems to make him an unlikable character. If he has good traits, then he likely doesn’t show them often. Anyway, you should really do more self care. That’s what I’ve done when I needed to get my life into order. Set goals too. Follow your passions.
P.S. Anita, I’m glad that you are doing okay as well. Hopefully you won’t fall again.February 24, 2021 at 3:51 pm #375187
I hope you are okay, busy but doing well. Remember wherever your home is- you decide who gets to live with you and who gets to visit you. Think of your thread as a home of sorts: you decide who visits you here and who does not: if any member’s post in your thread distresses you and you would like him/ her to not post again in your thread- simply thank them and ask him/ her to no longer post in your thread.
Make your life as simple as it can be, avoid unnecessary complications and conflicts.
anitaFebruary 25, 2021 at 10:31 am #375214
Dear Anita and Aiyana,
I’ve been thinking deeply on what you have both said and started with self care. I dyed my hair and took good care of my body and I made some art. I didn’t do much else besides minimal cleaning and I have to resign my lease because they want to change the move in date. But today is the interview! Wish me luck.
there is a bit of dysfunction everywhere Anita you are right which is why I am trying to carefully choose of this job is out of balance for me or not. When I left Monday I gave constructive feedback about the nature of how we set time limits etc.
it would be very stressful to move change jobs and relationship. It felt so good to make art and my boyfriend said while I drew that he thought it was mesmerizing to watch. I thought that was sweet. We all say things in the heat of the moment I am still trying to get to know him what are his Whys in life.
as I go through my apartment I imagine what each movement will feel like in the new place. I needed emergency chocolate last night so I ordered for delivery triple chocolate meltdown since I had a coupon. Haha I hope to get chocolate protein shakes instead soon to help with nutrition and craving.
thank you both ladies for your courage and insight. And yes I think I become shy at first but once I warm up and see that is safe new people are good. Yay tiny Buddha club!
how are you these days Anita?