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Viewing 15 posts - 766 through 780 (of 794 total)
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  • #376260
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Zeeza:

    I am glad to read that the phone and video interviews went well. It sounds like a good company to work with. Congratulations for pursuing this new job! As far as the boyfriend, I hope for better communication on his part (you are doing an excellent job communicating with him), and that he becomes a consistently supportive boyfriend.

    anita

    #376353
    Zeeza
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    thank you for congratulating me I am very hopeful. Even though I try my best to communicate with him I don’t think this is working out. He tried ordering me an expensive dyson vacuum after I told him please don’t buy me expensive things so I paid him for it but it just doesn’t feel good internally. It doesn’t feel like a truly supportive. So I will go to see his house tomorrow and sit down with him to end it and his mom lives with him too. She has been trying to get me to stop by saying she has house warming gifts for me. When I first met her she told me he was rude to her and I should of listened better and I wish I could ask her to specify. There is not emotional support between us it feel like and that feels worse than just being single. and he just has a rude tone towards me to many times. I don’t need his help.

    I hope you have the best day Anita thank you for your patience.

    #376355
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Zeeza:

    You are welcome. “he just has a rude tone towards me too many times”, “his mom.. me he was rude to her”- I don’t know anything about his relationship history with his mother, she may have mistreated him which led to his anger at her. But you surely did not mistreat him. On the contrary, you treated him with respect throughout.

    I understand that it makes sense for you to end this unsatisfactory relationship, but be aware that it may scare you to break up with him because, maybe,  it feels, or will feel to you when you try to break up with him- that having someone/ any boyfriend, is better than having none one. Prepare yourself emotionally. I hope to read from you by tomorrow, regarding what happens next.

    anita

    #376367
    Zeeza
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    yes I would feel very lonely although I still feel lonely even being in a relationship. I’m working too much but will see him today. I really do think I have a hard time being just single.

    #376369
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Zeeza:

    “I still feel lonely even being in a relationship.. I have a hard time being just single”- I just did a study on loneliness aka Perceived Social Isolation (PSI) for another member. PSI means that a person feels isolated even though interacting with other people.  According to what I read, the consequences of loneliness are the same as the consequences of being socially isolated: physical and mental health declines in many ways. In other words, loneliness makes us sick.

    Therefore, I would say that what you wrote,  “I have a hard time  being just single” can be said this way: I have a hard time being lonely.

    You wrote that you will see him later on today: if he is nice to you in any way later on today, it is likely to encourage you to try again with him, to make it work, because our need to socially connect with others is very strong.

    Wikipedia on PSI reads: “Perceived social isolation represents a mismatch between an individual’s social needs and the provisions the social environment offers or is perceived to offer. The mismatch can be quantitative..  but is usually more qualitative in nature. That is… social relationships fail to engender the sense of connectedness and belonging that is critical for human thriving”-

    – from what you shared about this man, what he offers you is objectively unsatisfactory, and therefore, there is a mismatch between your social needs and what he offers. The relationship, most of the time/ chronically, has failed to engender in you the sense of connectedness and belonging that you critically need (using some of the words in the quote above).

    If you had the option of a relationship with a more responsive, caring and honest man- it would have been way easier for you to end this unsatisfactory relationship.

    anita

    #376386
    Zeeza
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I don’t think I attract kind and decent caring men. I wish I did. I feel like it must be hard to be around me because I am so weird like mg bipolar and ptsd. It’s hard to feel like I belong anywhere sometimes although I know I do. Sometimes I have to stop myself when I say nobody cares and I am just unloveable because I have so many issues. I stop myself from saying these things because I know it leads to darker thoughts and I consider that somewhat healing because I recognize the falseness. I have friends that live far away but do care and it doesn’t feel so lonely when I talk to him. Or here on tiny Buddha when I feel safe to be truly seen.

    You message is exactly what I needed to read after this long day of trying to stop the urge of self anger.

    when I went to his house the vacuum wasn’t there and won’t be until after my move. I get angry because I would have had it immediately buying it in person if he hadn’t decided to try to gift me it and order it. I wouldn’t let him go ft me it I just paid him for it.

    I ended up spending too much time at his house talking to his mom. His mom gave me so many towels and so many papers towels it was overkill because my boyfriend complained about how I don’t have enough towels or run out of paper towels. She had a whole list of stuff she wanted to talk about and try to give me at first I thought this is sweet and helpful. But it she isn’t a nice lady because she told me she would skin my cat. I was like what? And she was saying because he scratches, I am like he scratches because he is trying to play if he rolls on his back and shows his belly you don’t pet him because he will think your hand means play. She never met this cat but I am sure my boyfriend came home with scratches because he always tries to touch my cats belly. I felt belittled and at first I. Thought okay they are just trying to be supportive but really no.

    I have to move on Tuesday all of it. It’s a lot of stress at once. I will work towards feeling like I am loveable and letting go of this social dynamic that is not a fit.

    I saw my boyfriend for maybe 5 minutes and just wanted to go home. I’ve been home for about 30 minutes and I am trying to self soothe with music. I have been through worse and I know I will get through this.

    #376393
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Zeeza:

    Your move date is Tuesday, which is tomorrow: focus on the move and postpone making any decisions that are not necessary to make at this time. Regarding his mother giving you lots of towels for your new apartment, and telling you that she will skin your cat- her attitude reminds me of that of her son’s, helpful on one hand, rude and crude on the other hand.

    You wrote that you don’t “attract kind and decent caring men”- well, there aren’t too many kind and decent men who are also single, and whom you have a chance to meet, at work, or anywhere else.  You might want to try online dating at some point, so that you can have access to many men to choose from.

    Good to read that you feel safe here, “safe to be truly seen”.

    You wrote: “I am so weird like my bipolar and ptsd”- you mean that you appear weird to others, in what ways, specifically do you look/ sound weird?

    I just looked at your first tiny buddha post, September 28, 2017, you were 24 then: “Hello, I would like to share my story.. To start out with I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder… I have such a hard time not letting regret and shame define me. I always tell myself life gives you whatever experience you need for the evolution of your consciousness… I will grow stronger… Learn how to be me without saying sorry”-

    – You made lots of progress since then, and the evolution of your consciousness, as you termed it, has been in progress since you wrote the above, 3.5 years ago. You are stronger and you learned and are still learning how to be you without saying sorry.

    You no longer have to define yourself by regret, or shame, or by any mental disorder. These things are not who you are: you are a beautiful, creative, kind, intelligent, principled, caring woman who will one day make a caring, decent, kind man very fortunate!

    anita

    #376394
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Zeeza:

    Your move date is Tuesday, which is tomorrow: focus on the move and postpone making any decisions that are not necessary to make at this time. Regarding his mother giving you lots of towels for your new apartment, and telling you that she will skin your cat- her attitude reminds me of that of her son’s, helpful on one hand, rude and crude on the other hand.

    You wrote that you don’t “attract kind and decent caring men”- well, there aren’t too many kind and decent men who are also single, and whom you have a chance to meet, at work, or anywhere else.  You might want to try online dating at some point, so that you can have access to many men to choose from.

    Good to read that you feel safe here, “safe to be truly seen”.

    You wrote: “I am so weird like my bipolar and ptsd”- you mean that you appear weird to others, in what ways, specifically do you look/ sound weird?

    I just looked at your first tiny buddha post, September 28, 2017, you were 24 then: “Hello, I would like to share my story.. To start out with I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder… I have such a hard time not letting regret and shame define me. I always tell myself life gives you whatever experience you need for the evolution of your consciousness… I will grow stronger… Learn how to be me without saying sorry”-

    – You made lots of progress since then, and the evolution of your consciousness, as you termed it, has been in progress since you wrote the above, 3.5 years ago. You are stronger and you learned and are still learning how to be you without saying sorry.

    You no longer have to define yourself by regret, or shame, or by any mental disorder. These things are not who you are: you are a beautiful, creative, kind, intelligent, principled, caring woman who will one day make a caring, decent, kind man very fortunate!

    anita

    #376421
    anita
    Participant

    * the double posting was not intentional, don’t know how it happened…

    #376585
    Zeeza
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    yoyr words have been very helpful to go back and read. This move has been so stressful but it is almost completely over. Spent the night at the new place last night. I don’t have a bathroom or kitchen set up yet. I have someone picking up my piano today and plan to clean up the apartment and throw away things. My body hurts from moving lol my boyfriend did help with a dolley but I carried all the things without dolley. At first it felt like oh wow he does care my hero. But I broke down crying from stress and being mad at myself for failing so hard and he was hugging me and asked as a laugh would it be rude to ask for “sexual act” now and he meant it as a joke but it just angered me a lot. Now I am going to make many more trips. I wish I had not of cancelled on other friends who said they could help but they were super reluctant to so I didn’t want to pressure them. It’s almost over. Tomorrow is my last day I am not sure how much I can fit in my car for the last trip I might have to make two.

    Sir Harry seems to really like the new place and is happy to still have his cat tree.

    I hope you have the best day Anita!

    • This reply was modified 2 weeks, 6 days ago by Zeeza.
    #376587
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Zeeza:

    Good to read from you! I was thinking about you a little while ago, wondering about your move: congrats for having spent the first night in your new home! I am having a pretty good day considering I received my second Pfizer shot yesterday and to my surprise- no side-effects!

    If you still have things to lift- lift less each time, go easy on your body.

    The boyfriend is crude, really, asking you for a sexual favor while you are crying.. you crying .. turned him on?

    anita

    #376638
    Zeeza
    Participant

    Yay Anita congrats on vaccination! Did you have any symptoms with the second shot?

    extended my move out date until the 31st since I already paid rent for those days anyways. This relieves a lot of stress because I haven’t moved my kitchen yet or clean the place. My body feels okay like I ran a couple of miles my legs are only sore maybe this will kickstart me actually working out for a change lol I have my yoga Matt out and I have been stretching. Harry likes to fold up the yoga mate hehe.

    yes it was very crude of him and I asked him the same thing and he said no it was just the way he was hugging me or something that made him think of it and he laughed and I laughed because I don’t know it was just such an out of the blue thing but honestly was more of an uncomfortable laugh like oh I have sad emotions and he thinks it isn’t anything. Anyways going to get through this work week and unpack as much as I can along the way. When I moved in he immediately put so many snacks in the kitchen.

    I hope you have a wonderful day and happy spring!

    best wishes

    zeeza

    #376639
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Zeeza:

    To my surprise, my only symptoms after the second shot, especially the day after, was elation and euphoria. I doubt these were symptoms of the shot itself, but that’s what I experienced. For that reason, I am a fan of the Pfizer vaccine!

    The boyfriend, maybe he wasn’t responding to your crying that time, but like he suggested, he was responding to the physical proximity with you- it makes sense. Good thing you postponed the moving date and do focus on the move. Best wishes back to you.

    anita

    #376775
    Zeeza
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    It truly feels so good to know how relieved you are being vaccinated and safe. I remember in the beginning we were all trying to process it and the hope for the vaccine came through and you out so much dedication to your Covid thread and sharing coping skills on tiny Buddha. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with me.

    I tried setting up my bed but the frame is broken haha. The mattress isn’t too uncomfortable on the floor because it has a built in box screen. I am trying to make a plan for finishing up the move. It seems like a lot of people don’t follow parking rules here and it looks like the rules aren’t enforced but I am still nervous to park. The first two nights I was lucky to have easy parking spots. The lady across from me has dogs and they are really sweet. Harry seems to be feeling at home too. His cat tree is by the window and caspers ashes are in the window sill where the light shines through the most. I won’t have internet until Wednesday but it is all coming together. I honestly have been nervous to use a new shower and have been using my old apartment shower haha. I am going to try to set it up better so it doesn’t seem intimidating. I hope you have the best day Anita and cheers to being alive.

    #376776
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Zeeza:

    Good to read from you. Good attitude regarding the move, Harry (and you, I hope) “feeling at home”. Casper’s ashes are in the window’s sill where the light shines through the most- just where his ashes should be, precious Casper!  And precious you- may you sleep well this Sunday night- good night, Zeeza, cheers back to you, to being alive!!

    anita

Viewing 15 posts - 766 through 780 (of 794 total)

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