May 24, 2022 at 2:53 pm #401011
I think i dont have time to write letters.Right now we are packing stuff inorder to move to house.Tomorrow my in laws are coming.My sister did the same when daughter was born.Is there any other to calm down myself.I will not talk to her again.I blocked her number too.When lashed out at me i didnt say a word and i was empathetic towards her.But the way my mother blamed me shows how my sister instigated her towards me.Seriously how pathetic she is.I am hurt and angry at the same time.May 24, 2022 at 3:02 pm #401012
Please have no contact with your sister for the foreseable future, none whatsoever. Trust me: it’s the right thing for you to do for everyone who is involved: for you, for your daghter, for your husband, for your mother, and for your sister!
In regard to claming down: like I suggested: a hot bath, hot or cold shower… listening to pleasant music, a walk outdoors, something like any of these things.
anitaMay 24, 2022 at 3:10 pm #401013
Thanks for your advise Anita.I dont even feel like talking to my mother.The way she texted me lashing out at me without even thinking about second.She repeated the same words my sister has told her.I appointed a cook for them and sent her for expenses.She told me that i am just money minded person.Sorry for ranting so much.May 24, 2022 at 3:15 pm #401014
You are welcome. Rant as much as you want to rant. I just hope that you have no direct contact with your sister (and with anyone who does your sister’s bidding, currently is your mother) so that you have less to rant about and more peace of mind. You can keep paying for the cook if you wnt, just keep yourself out of harm way, is all I am saying!
anitaMay 24, 2022 at 3:50 pm #401039
I will take a break for a while and wont talk to my mother.Thanks for for your time Anita.I always appreciate your valuable advice.❤May 24, 2022 at 4:00 pm #401055
You are very welcome, zenith. I wish you a long and restful break!
anitaMay 25, 2022 at 6:05 am #401087
Wnen i was searching for bpd on tiny buddha i came across a thread where you mentioned that you suffered from bpd.How did you accept that you had bpd because someone with bpd blames other for thier mistakes and they are not willing to accept.Is your bpd cured now ? What help did you seek ?May 25, 2022 at 7:03 am #401088
I did fit the diagnosis by the time I was in my very early 20s, , diagnosed many years later by my therapist at the time (2011), a man who I trust to be a very dedicated, hard working, and ethica professional with a scientific approach.
Based mainly on this diagnosis (there were other diagnoses), he designed and applied a therapy personally tailored for me: a combination of cognitive behavioral therapy (cbt) and dialectical behavioral therapy (dbt), with a heavy touch of the Mindfulness approach.
Toward the end of therapy, I initiated ending all contact with my mother (2013) and haven’t been in contact with her since. This is an essential part of my healing, couldn’t have done it otherwise.
After 2.5 years of therapy, I left the state, and continued my healing process by reading, journaling, attending support groups, continuing daily exercise, yoga, etc. For the last seven years, my healing process has been ongoing right here, in these forums- every single day.
Somewhere along the way I no longer fit the bpd diagnosis.
“How did you accept that you had bpd because someone with bpd blames others for their mistakes” – (1) I was in the habit of blaming myself from a very early age, (2) I wanted to heal from a very early age: I was very motivated, (3) when I received the diagnosis I was relieved and … motivated to heal.
A personality disorder is not something a person is born with. Mental problems add up over time like a ball of mud rolling down a hill: more mud is added to it as it rolls, and the ball grows bigger and bigger. Sometime along the way, a big ball of mud is big enough to fit a personality disorder. But the nature of the mud in each big-enough ball of mud is not the same.
The millions of people in the world who fit the bpd diagnosis are not the same person: all are troubled, but some are more troubled than others, some do not have anyone offering them help; many who are offered help- reject it. People generally do not want to look at the darkness/ trouble inside themselves. My therapist comlimented me when he said that I was not afraid to look at the darkness inside me.
anitaMay 25, 2022 at 9:29 am #401097
<p style=”text-align: left;”>Thats so brave of you Anita.Your healing journey is really inspiring.I wish my sister heals too.I asked my mother regarding yesterdays texts when she blamed me for being a irresponsible daughter.But she told me that she doesnt remember sending any messages to me.My mother doesnt text very often.She calls me.Those were very long messages.My mother is not used to typing that much.My aunt is suspecting that my sister might have sent those messages prentending like my mum.</p>May 25, 2022 at 9:40 am #401098
Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. My goodness, zenith, your sister sounds… evil. Some people move from Sick to Evil… and sometimes, they never to return to Good. I think that to be evil is to be sick. What do you think on the issue of sickness and evil?
anitaMay 25, 2022 at 10:16 am #401099
I grew up with her Anita.I have an elder brother.If he does something like that i can let go of him.But with my twin sister its hard.I feel sad when someone says that she is evil.My aunt says the same thing like she is jealous of you and trying to spoil your life and stuff.I always defend my sister saying that she has mental health issues.May be she has anger issues i guess.Anxiety and anger are creating havoc on her.I dont know why she is acting so crazy since the marraige thing started in the year 2016.She was scared to get married thinking that she will fail.May 25, 2022 at 10:26 am #401100
Your love for and loyalty to your sister mean that you are a loving sister. It does not mean that she is a loving sister. Like your aunt said, she is “trying to spoil your life“- that’s not what a loving sister does.
What do you plan to do, in regard to her… allow her to spoil your life because you grew up with her and because you love her?
anitaMay 25, 2022 at 10:57 am #401102
I just read something in regard to emotional bullying and I thought that it may apply to you. Healthy place/ emotional bullying: “Emotional bullying can also lead to a version of Stockholm Syndrome, where the victim over identifies with the emotional bully and even defends the bully’s behavior to others“.
Maybe you are bonded to her because she’s been bullying you for so long, not in spite of it.
anitaMay 25, 2022 at 5:13 pm #401185
I dont know why i still support her Anita.But i am not talking to her as of now.As my in laws are already here i want to stay away from her for a while.May 25, 2022 at 7:26 pm #401187
Your in-laws are with you- I hope the visit goes smoother than you expected, one day, one evening at a time. Keep yourself as calm as possible and avoid unnecessary stressors. Post here anytime you need to express yourself and/ or to get my thoughts.