Home→Forums→Emotional Mastery→How to accept my flaws and be myself
- This topic has 396 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 4 days, 20 hours ago by
anita.
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June 2, 2022 at 1:21 pm #401616
zenithParticipantShe points out different scenarios.Like how she is used to be submissive to her mil during her generation.How she never let her son do household chores before marraige.Now trying to compare me with my husbands cousins wife.I feel like she taunts me in a polite way by telling all these things.
June 2, 2022 at 1:30 pm #401617
AnonymousGuestDear zenith:
She feels that because she was submissive to her mil, she should be granted the same, as in: tradition should continue. Try to not take it personally: she wants the tradition to continue because she played by its rules and she feels that she deserves the benefits of playing by the rules.
You consider yourself a feminist of sorts, an advanced thinking woman, right? Part of being advanced is understanding others instead of harshly judging them. Express to her that you empathetically understand her, somehow, express it to her.
*I will be away from the computer for about an hour.
anita
June 2, 2022 at 1:39 pm #401618zenithParticipantI would say i am way advanced than her in thinking.I treat my husband differently than her.I feel everbody should do the household chores.I dont expect my husband to do the household chores all day.I just expect him to help me here and there.I understand i have to be more empathetic towards its just i cant confront her.I cant tell her how i feel and i wish i could confront her and tell her whatever i feel.I dont want to live my life thinking about how others judge me or make them happy.I know i am overreacting a bit.The inability to confront and talk to her is making me anxious.
June 2, 2022 at 2:46 pm #401619AnonymousGuestDear zenith:
The word “confront” is a strong word, and unnecessary when it comes to a guest who is a good person by your own account, an older person, the mother of the man you love. Why don’t you tell her about a bit about what you truly think and feel- in a gentle, friendly, non-confrontational way and see how that goes?
anita
June 2, 2022 at 3:46 pm #401623AnonymousGuestDear zenith:
You wrote today: “Sometimes I tell my husband that he should have married someone of his mother’s choice, instead of an educated, opinionated woman like me. I feel so guilty so guilty for not being able to make her happy… it’s just taht I can’t confront her… I wish I could confront her and tell her whatever I feel” –
– you are stuck (like I have been for the longest time) in that teenage phase between being a dependent child (wanting to make the parent happy, obeying the parent, feeling guilty otherwise) and an independent adult (choosing your own opinions, your own way of living, and not feeling guilty about it). By confronting her, you mean winning the battle over dependency, obedience and guilt, and crossing over to the independent, guilt-free side.
Did I understand correctly?
anita
June 3, 2022 at 7:56 am #401635zenithParticipantConfrontation means just pouring my heat out.What do like and dislike.As a person who i am.I always feel guilty for being myself.Even in the religious ocd i felt guilty for following religion according to my own values.Now i feel guilty for being myself in the marriage which doesnt make my mil happy.
June 3, 2022 at 7:57 am #401636zenithParticipantheart**
June 3, 2022 at 10:10 am #401640AnonymousGuestDear zenith:
Guilt is a tormenting emotional experience. I remember saying to myself when I was an older teenager, around that age, that if I could live one day without guilt- my life would be worth living. Fast forward, I assure you: it’s a different life experience, to be without that guilt. I don’t remember.. we must have talked about it, about the origins of your guilt?
anita
June 5, 2022 at 4:38 pm #401857zenithParticipantYes you did tell me about.
June 5, 2022 at 4:53 pm #401859AnonymousGuestDear zenith:
How are you these days???
anita
June 6, 2022 at 8:27 am #401875zenithParticipantI am good Anita.I did talk to my husband regarding that issue and we sorted it out.I am treating my mil good but trying to avoid having long conversations inorder to avoid getting hurt.Because she is a completely different person and i fear she will rub her opinions on me.
June 6, 2022 at 9:16 am #401883AnonymousGuestDear zenith:
Good to read that you and your husband sorted out an issue. A wife and a husband working together like a team to resolve issues is the best way to go. Keep avoiding long conversations with your mil for as long as it’s helping you!
anita
June 16, 2022 at 3:33 pm #402527zenithParticipantHi Anita,
How are you ?
June 16, 2022 at 3:39 pm #402529AnonymousGuestI am fine, zenith. How are you???
anita
June 16, 2022 at 3:54 pm #402530zenithParticipantI am doing ok Anita.My husbands elder brothers family came over to stay with us for two weeks.I see that my mil behaves very differently with my co sister as she is the eldest daughter in law of family.She smiles and talks to her in a sweetly.She talks o me very rarely even if she does she will keep complaining that i am doing something not doing according to her own way.She talks to my co sister very nicely and never complains to her.I hate it to see my mil treating with utmost respect and doesnt even treat me like that.I dont know why people take me for granted.As i told you before my husband treats my mil with more respect and talk to her in a nice way.Now its my mil treating my co sister better than me.I really feel bad.I feel like she is acting like a different personality altogether.
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