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How to accept my flaws and be myself

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Viewing 15 posts - 241 through 255 (of 266 total)
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  • #408732
    anita
    Participant

    You are welcome, zenith. Update me about the situation, if you’d like to; I will be interested to read. Have a good rest of the day yourself!

    anita

    #409300
    zenith
    Participant

    Thanks for the tip Anita.It seems to be working.I am trying to accept these as powerless thoughts.My brain is caught up with another issue.I have a best friend here in vegas.I already told you about her that we bought houses exactly opposite to each other.Lets call her A.I have noticed that A’s other friends dont give me a friendly vibe at.Even when i meet them they keep to talking to A and ignoring me.I already told you about one of A’s friendly already.She literally uses/talks to me only when A is not available.I faced similar vibe with another A’s friend.She used to literally ignore me when we met.Later on i got to know from other people that she was jealous of our friendship.She spread rumorus about me that took toll on me.She even deleted my number. I didnt say anything to her at all.She just deleted my number out of no where.I ignored her.Now comes a third friend.Now my best friend A  started talking to a new friend.Lets call her C.A invites me to her home whenever C comes over.I have noticed the same thing.I feel like she ignores me to certain extent.I feel like she is trying to get closer to A.When  i met C for the first time.She invited me to her halloween party.It was like two weeks back.Now C invited A through a message.I didnt get the invite at all.Now i dont know why.I feel so bad.What is point of telling me to come to her party when there is no intention of inviting me at all.I just cant stop thinking about this shit.I wanna let it go.I always try being friendly with A’s friends.But why do i get this vibe all the time.

    #409302
    zenith
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>I have no intention of going to party.Even we had planned a trip to Oregon.It was cancelled because little one down with fever.I dont know why i am so hurt.It reminds of me one thing you told me.May be i was ignored as a child.Thats the reason why i cant handle being ignored i guess.I have no intention of making new friends.I have noticed another thing about A’s friends.They talk to her becuase they all belong to the same cast.May be i dont belong to thier cast.I feel left out.I just hate this feeling.</p>

    #409304
    zenith
    Participant

    You think i should to A about this and tell her not to call me when her friends come over.

    #409307
    anita
    Participant

    Dear zenith:

    You are welcome, zenith! “You think I should.. tell (A) not to call me when her friends come over“- yes, I think that short-term, this is the easiest and fastest way for you to avoid situations where you feel ignored and left out. But long-term, this strategy is  not the best.

    A’s other friends…  keep to talking to A and ignoring me… I don’t know why I am so hurt. It reminds of me one thing you told me. May be I was ignored as a child. Thats the reason why I can’t handle being ignored I guess…  I have noticed another thing about A’s friends… they all belong to the same caste. May be I don’t belong to their caste. I feel left out. I just hate this feeling“- I know how much you hate feeling left out, same here: I also hate feeling left out, not as much as I used to perhaps… but still.

    Here is what I figure in regard to what you are experiencing with A and A’s friends: (1) caste may be a part in this, (2) Maybe A is more friendly, more extroverted, more comfortable and relaxed around women-friends than you are; therefore the other women feel more comfortable with her than they feel with you, and  so, they seek A’s attention, time and counsel over yours. This means that they don’t purposefully ignore you, but instead, they simply prefer her company over your company,  (3) your childhood experience of being ignored and left out has been very powerful, as it would be in any child’s life. This kind of childhood experience naturally extends into adulthood: we focus on situations (imagined or true) where we are ignored (“I just can’t stop thinking about this sh**“) and dismiss/ ignore situations where people do pay attention to us.

    Overall, the reasons you feel ignored are most likely a combination of reality (situations where you are truly ignored, although not purposefully, seems to me), your focus on these situations, and your hypersensitivity- originating in childhood- for being ignored.

    If I am correct, and you genuinely become more comfortable around other women, they in turn may become more comfortable with you and seek your time and attention.

    anita

    #409317
    zenith
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>Hey Anita.I used to be introverted and i used to feel ignored by people.I always used to think that since i am introverted so people talk less to me.I never felt bad about it.I always wanted to change that habit of mine.Since last year i started talking to people by being more friendly with them.I started inviting people to my home.I am doing my bit.I feel like my friend A takes more time than me to open up with people.My husband and her husband play badminton together with some other indians.My husband is more extroverted than A’s husband.But still people talk to A’s husband  and they get invited to thier homes.I asked the same thing to my husband he told me that may be we dont belong the same caste as them so we dont get invited. I seriously dont understand why people always think about caste even after coming this far(US).I used to always used to think that may be thats my problem.This time i dont feel like that.I am putting the efforts to talk to people.But still getting ignored.</p>

    #409324
    anita
    Participant

    Dear zenith:

    I wish that I could observe these situations when they take place, so I can see and hear what is happening from an objective point of view. If caste is the issue, if A is esteemed because of a higher caste… that’s too  bad, how unfortunate that the caste system exists. Like I said, I know how it feels to be ignored: I don’t like it, you don’t like it..  no one likes it.  I am sorry that this has been your experience!

    anita

    #409332
    zenith
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>Yeah thats right!!I am feeling bit better now.I cannot control how other people think.I am trying to let it go!!</p>

    #409349
    anita
    Participant

    Dear zenith:

    I hope that you are still feeling better, almost 14 hours after you posted the above. Letting go of negative thoughts and unpleasant feelings is not easy, it wasn’t for me, but it is getting easier and easier. What a relief: life is way better this way!

    anita

    #409352
    zenith
    Participant

    I was feeling better until A’s friend C posted pictures online.That triggered me again.Whats is the need of calling me to the halloween party when there is no intention of inviting me.She invited A’s other friends.Why am i treated like shit by A’s friends.I feel like cutting ties off with my best friend that is A.This is the third friend of A who is treating me like shit.I want to stop making friends.

    #409354
    anita
    Participant

    Dear zenith:

    I know that we talked about it before, but I forgot: you told A about this problem… what was her response, in the past?

    anita

    #409429
    zenith
    Participant

    I did tell A about her friends ignoring me. She told me that’s how they are . She know the fact that one of her friend calls me when only needed. I did  tell her about the other friend ignoring me in the beginning. She told me to give her another chance. I got the same bad vibe from her but still i continued for the sake of A. Then after some time she bitched about me and A to other people. That’s when she stopped talking to her. And now i get the same vibe from C.I don’t want to continue this time. So i want to cut off with C right now.

    #409430
    anita
    Participant

    Dear zenith:

    I’d say better that you do not communicate with anyone who you feel does not value you. Anyone who wants you in their lives has to value you, otherwise, they don’t get the benefit of having you around, on the phone, not otherwise.

    anita

    #409432
    zenith
    Participant

    Okay. I will do that. I am at stage in life where I don’t want fake/forced friendships. I will communicate that to A.I don’t know how she is gonna react.

    #409434
    anita
    Participant

    Dear zenith:

    I hope A reacts in a way that values you and your feelings!

    anita

Viewing 15 posts - 241 through 255 (of 266 total)

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